Today, I woke up with a headache and it is now 4:30 pm. The headache has not gone away yet, so I am glad that I opted to stay home and "recover." Meanwhile, I was able to get most of my recent "for sale" items packaged up and outta here before Suk finds out that I sold or gave away a bunch of dvds and videos that we don't need and will never ever watch again. I think he just likes to keep them for posterity even if most of them were given to him for free from his company and they are B-rated movies. Let others enjoy them...and then pass them on.
So, since I was at home today, I decided to watch a little TV. I very rarely turn on our TV these day, except when the Olympics was on. One reason is simply that the reception sucks in this building, and I hate watching three of everything. The other reason is that I don't find Japanese TV all that fascinating anymore.
I happened to turn it on to a drama - one of those syndicated ones that are on in the late afternoons. The name of it was Shuumatsukon. This means "weekend marriage." It is exactly what you think it is. A married couple who only see each other on the weekends because the guy works so late every night, and in some cases he has his own apartment near his company where he stays during the week.
Let me just say that if I had known there was even a term for this situation, I would NOT have opted to get married and move here. Suk sold himself to me by saying that it wouldn't be this way forever. Other people have told me it only gets worse. And, I read in the newspaper last week, that with the baby boomers starting to retire, the divorce rate is going up. They have this new term called "Narita Divorce." This is akin to the Honeymoon Divorce.
A "Narita Divorce" is when a couple who have not spent much time together due to the husband's working schedule plan a trip to a foreign country to celebrate his retirement, and when they get back to Japan, they file for a divorce because they realize that spending that much time together is not what it is cracked up to be. The article also warned that going on a luxury cruise is the worst idea for a couple like this because being stuck together on a cruise ship for weeks tends to cause even more divorces. In this case, the woman usually has an easy time attending social activities and making new friends on board, while the man holes himself up in the room and pouts.
The article suggests that you take short trips and weekend trips together for a while before going on a long vacation.
This is the latest news in my career as a married woman. My husband told me he had to ask my advice about something. He said that he may have a chance to take a business to L.A. to do some editing work on a trailer for a movie. I know that this is his dream, but he was worried that the business trip might end up being in March, right around or ON our moving date.
Oh my god - if he leaves me here alone during our moving date, I am sure that arrangements will me made so that his family will help with everything. Scenes from the MOVING WEEKEND FROM HELL flash through my mind!
After a moment, I looked at him and said, "I know it is your dream to go to L.A., but what is your priority here? We have been planning this move for a year now."
I know he understood what I meant. I hope he gets the opportunity to go, but his company always has such great timing! They love to spring things on him at the worst times, and guess what?! They DO NOT CARE one way or another if it has any effect on his family...I mean, his wife.
Monday, February 27, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Customer Service my AASS
In January, I wrote a 3-page letter to American Airlines complaining about our problems with them on our flight home to Japan. Surprisingly, I got a response by email:
Given that you have contacted us again, I wish there were some way to resolve this issue to your satisfaction and in accordance with our company policies and procedures as they relate to this matter. While I absolutely understand the point you are making, I'm afraid our position has not changed. We must decline to settle this issue as you have suggested. We are simply making no exceptions to our corporate policy as it relates to this situation.
This was my response, also by email:
And you call yourself a customer service department? You can't even write an authentic response to a complaint? Your email makes no reference to my complaint nor to exactly what you are refusing to in dealing with the issue. Does everyone get a letter like this? I suggested that you improve your customer service in the future! You refuse to do that?! Have you ever been in a customer's position for any situation? You are human, right? Do you realize what you are telling me? That you have a corporate policy of offering only the worst customer service possible and that you WILL NOT do anything to improve it. Thank you for being honest.
This is why they advise you not to respond to emails when you are pi-i-i-issed.
Given that you have contacted us again, I wish there were some way to resolve this issue to your satisfaction and in accordance with our company policies and procedures as they relate to this matter. While I absolutely understand the point you are making, I'm afraid our position has not changed. We must decline to settle this issue as you have suggested. We are simply making no exceptions to our corporate policy as it relates to this situation.
This was my response, also by email:
And you call yourself a customer service department? You can't even write an authentic response to a complaint? Your email makes no reference to my complaint nor to exactly what you are refusing to in dealing with the issue. Does everyone get a letter like this? I suggested that you improve your customer service in the future! You refuse to do that?! Have you ever been in a customer's position for any situation? You are human, right? Do you realize what you are telling me? That you have a corporate policy of offering only the worst customer service possible and that you WILL NOT do anything to improve it. Thank you for being honest.
This is why they advise you not to respond to emails when you are pi-i-i-issed.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Update
Olympics:
I am bound and determined NOT to miss tonight's skating event, so I am going to not depend on the VCR timer. Last time, I set the damn thing to start recording at 3 AM and when I woke up in the morning, there was NOTHING! I am so disappointed in missing everything I want to see. It seems like curling is always on at the right time when everyone in Japan is awake. Great planning, folks!!! We LOVE that curling.
MIL:
Haven't interacted with her since our last dramatic episode, but her name has come several times in arguments between me and Suk.
What do you have against my mom?
Why do you hate her?
What did she ever do to you?
You're just jealous of our relationship, aren't you?
Let's get this straight, buster, I do NOT hate your mom. I just want a little LESS of her and a little MORE of you!
He thinks I should make the first move and call her up to apologize or something like that. For, like, a minute, it crossed my mind to send her some flowers with a letter about how we are under a tremendous amount of stress lately and it is affecting our relationship - so sorry to have let it interfere with our precious MIL-DIL relationship. But, I decided that from a Japanese perspective, that might sound like a big, fat excuse. So, I chose to do nothing, for now.
Car:
Since Suk got his license last December, he is now keen on buying a car and can be spotted scouring brochures and car magazines in what little free time he has. He and his MOM and dad went car shopping one day when I was out of town. (Yeah, I was real happy about that, but I got over it. I told him to take some cars for a test drive with the salesmen, because that is what one would normally do when purchasing a car, but he is afraid to drive. I guess he'll have to bring his dad and let him do the test driving. Hmmm.
Condo:
We are moving to our new place at the end of March, and I am anxiously waiting to pack up all our stuff. The boxes will be arriving from the moving company this week. I have not been successful in convincing Suk to go through his stuff and purge a few things. I tell him we can't possibly fit everything into our new place. One thing I really hate is clutter, and for those of you who are familiar with Japanese people, they LOVE LOVE LOVE clutter. But, when I mention the topic, he becomes very violent and mean. He refuses to part with anything, and he is quick to point out all of my things that could be thrown out.
So, I took it upon myself to throw out some things I had been on the fence about, but was afraid he might get offended.
A small stuffed teddy bear given to me by Suk's dad for no reason whatsoever.
Justification #1: I hate stuffed animals.
Justification #2: Suk refuses to touch anything that is dusty. He considers all stuffed animals to be dusty the moment the plastic wrap is removed. (Note: this does not stop him from collecting various toys and stuffed animals, none of which he will touch, but he displays them proudly in our entrance area)
Justification #3: It has no special meaning to me. Not like the little stuffed sheep my mom gave me when I was a teenager and I still have.
A HUGE stuffed teddy bear given to me by Suk's dad for no reason whatsoever.
Justification #1: I hate stuffed animals, especially ones that take up a lot of room.
Justification #2: At first, I admit that I liked the thing because it made for a soft pillow while watching TV, but then it was considered "dusty" and therefore "untouchable" by Suk within one week of receiving it. I wasn't allowed to move it around because that would "stir up dust." It has been biding its time in the storage room ever since.
Justification #3: If I throw it out now, he will never even remember that it existed.
The bottom of our kotatsu blanket set
Justification #1: It is hard to clean, it bunches up and it is a PAIN IN THE ASS.
Justification #2: The kotatsu set is ugly. I did not choose it. I hate flowery things and for the longest time, I was sure that MIL had chosen the curtains and all other fluffy objects for our apartment before I moved here, because they all have one thing in common - BIG UGLY FLOWERS in COLORS I WOULDN'T WISH ON MY WORST ENEMY.
Justification #3: Somehow I convinced Suk to buy a hot carpet, so after we move, we will no longer need the bottom kotatsu thing.
Justification #4: As soon as the weather warms up, or as soon as we move, that top kotatsu blanket will get thrown out as well. Good riddance!
SUMMER VACATION:
Originally, I was planning to go home this summer to see my parent's new house, to go through some of my stored items, and to see some friends whom I could not visit with last time around. Then, the whole lack-money-thing got in the way. Our finances are stretched slightly thin this year, and I am afraid to leave the dog for such long time while it is still young and being trained. I don't want some idiot to come along and screw him up, so I best stay in Japan and spend my vacation with Max.
Now I am trying to convince Shannon to come and visit. We didn't get much alone time together this past Christmas, and every once in a while, I go through major Shannon-withdrawal. Other than her (if she agrees to this), I don't think anyone else is coming to visit this year.
I am bound and determined NOT to miss tonight's skating event, so I am going to not depend on the VCR timer. Last time, I set the damn thing to start recording at 3 AM and when I woke up in the morning, there was NOTHING! I am so disappointed in missing everything I want to see. It seems like curling is always on at the right time when everyone in Japan is awake. Great planning, folks!!! We LOVE that curling.
MIL:
Haven't interacted with her since our last dramatic episode, but her name has come several times in arguments between me and Suk.
What do you have against my mom?
Why do you hate her?
What did she ever do to you?
You're just jealous of our relationship, aren't you?
Let's get this straight, buster, I do NOT hate your mom. I just want a little LESS of her and a little MORE of you!
He thinks I should make the first move and call her up to apologize or something like that. For, like, a minute, it crossed my mind to send her some flowers with a letter about how we are under a tremendous amount of stress lately and it is affecting our relationship - so sorry to have let it interfere with our precious MIL-DIL relationship. But, I decided that from a Japanese perspective, that might sound like a big, fat excuse. So, I chose to do nothing, for now.
Car:
Since Suk got his license last December, he is now keen on buying a car and can be spotted scouring brochures and car magazines in what little free time he has. He and his MOM and dad went car shopping one day when I was out of town. (Yeah, I was real happy about that, but I got over it. I told him to take some cars for a test drive with the salesmen, because that is what one would normally do when purchasing a car, but he is afraid to drive. I guess he'll have to bring his dad and let him do the test driving. Hmmm.
Condo:
We are moving to our new place at the end of March, and I am anxiously waiting to pack up all our stuff. The boxes will be arriving from the moving company this week. I have not been successful in convincing Suk to go through his stuff and purge a few things. I tell him we can't possibly fit everything into our new place. One thing I really hate is clutter, and for those of you who are familiar with Japanese people, they LOVE LOVE LOVE clutter. But, when I mention the topic, he becomes very violent and mean. He refuses to part with anything, and he is quick to point out all of my things that could be thrown out.
So, I took it upon myself to throw out some things I had been on the fence about, but was afraid he might get offended.
A small stuffed teddy bear given to me by Suk's dad for no reason whatsoever.
Justification #1: I hate stuffed animals.
Justification #2: Suk refuses to touch anything that is dusty. He considers all stuffed animals to be dusty the moment the plastic wrap is removed. (Note: this does not stop him from collecting various toys and stuffed animals, none of which he will touch, but he displays them proudly in our entrance area)
Justification #3: It has no special meaning to me. Not like the little stuffed sheep my mom gave me when I was a teenager and I still have.
A HUGE stuffed teddy bear given to me by Suk's dad for no reason whatsoever.
Justification #1: I hate stuffed animals, especially ones that take up a lot of room.
Justification #2: At first, I admit that I liked the thing because it made for a soft pillow while watching TV, but then it was considered "dusty" and therefore "untouchable" by Suk within one week of receiving it. I wasn't allowed to move it around because that would "stir up dust." It has been biding its time in the storage room ever since.
Justification #3: If I throw it out now, he will never even remember that it existed.
The bottom of our kotatsu blanket set
Justification #1: It is hard to clean, it bunches up and it is a PAIN IN THE ASS.
Justification #2: The kotatsu set is ugly. I did not choose it. I hate flowery things and for the longest time, I was sure that MIL had chosen the curtains and all other fluffy objects for our apartment before I moved here, because they all have one thing in common - BIG UGLY FLOWERS in COLORS I WOULDN'T WISH ON MY WORST ENEMY.
Justification #3: Somehow I convinced Suk to buy a hot carpet, so after we move, we will no longer need the bottom kotatsu thing.
Justification #4: As soon as the weather warms up, or as soon as we move, that top kotatsu blanket will get thrown out as well. Good riddance!
SUMMER VACATION:
Originally, I was planning to go home this summer to see my parent's new house, to go through some of my stored items, and to see some friends whom I could not visit with last time around. Then, the whole lack-money-thing got in the way. Our finances are stretched slightly thin this year, and I am afraid to leave the dog for such long time while it is still young and being trained. I don't want some idiot to come along and screw him up, so I best stay in Japan and spend my vacation with Max.
Now I am trying to convince Shannon to come and visit. We didn't get much alone time together this past Christmas, and every once in a while, I go through major Shannon-withdrawal. Other than her (if she agrees to this), I don't think anyone else is coming to visit this year.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Feminine is the New Masculine
I have decided that this should be Japan's new motto.
Watching Takahashi this morning doing his Free Skate routine, I asked Suk, "What do you think of him?"
I expected an answer like, "He usually skates better than this. He must be feeling really nervous."
Instead, I got, "I think he's gay."
Actually, he does not look gay in Japan. He looks like a very typical, fashionable man who spends a lot of time on his hair and clothes. This is the recent trend of young Japanese men.
Some of my male students wear barrettes in their hair, long purple and fushia scarves around their necks, earrings, and pink cardigans under their school blazer. This is as much as they can get away with while wearing a school uniform.
I have even seen boys sporting headbands - the kind that a girl would traditionally wear to hold her bangs back.
Although, I want to make snide remarks to these boys and demand that they remove their accessories for the class, I do NOT. I wouldn't want to damage their self-esteem.
Watching Takahashi this morning doing his Free Skate routine, I asked Suk, "What do you think of him?"
I expected an answer like, "He usually skates better than this. He must be feeling really nervous."
Instead, I got, "I think he's gay."
Actually, he does not look gay in Japan. He looks like a very typical, fashionable man who spends a lot of time on his hair and clothes. This is the recent trend of young Japanese men.
Some of my male students wear barrettes in their hair, long purple and fushia scarves around their necks, earrings, and pink cardigans under their school blazer. This is as much as they can get away with while wearing a school uniform.
I have even seen boys sporting headbands - the kind that a girl would traditionally wear to hold her bangs back.
Although, I want to make snide remarks to these boys and demand that they remove their accessories for the class, I do NOT. I wouldn't want to damage their self-esteem.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Before Saying Goodnight
Tonight, I actually sat down and watched the digest version of the Olympics, and I got to see a tiny bit of skating. Japan has only one male skater - Takahashi. But I don't care, I just love watching the figure skating events no matter who is up there. Give my sister credit for that one. I also managed to find out that skating will be on TV from 2:30 am to 7:15, so I am going to set the VCR and tape it.
I started a new blog the other day called Puppy Love Love. I didn't want to inundate this blog with stories about Max, so I thought I would dedicate a blog to dogs and call it a day. It is very much a work-in-progress as I want to write about some dog-related events over the past year, so most of my entries are still in the drafting phase and have not been published. I also need to learn a few more tricks about HTML and blogging before I let it out of the cage, so to speak.
By the way, in a class today, a student asked me what "so to speak" means, and I had NO IDEA what to tell her. What the hell?
I never write about my students for privacy's sake, but I have noticed something really strange about my female students lately. When I call on them to answer a question and they don't know the answer, they look at me with these cute, childish puppy-dog eyes. These are high school girls. I am not sure why they think I will take it easy on them if they do that, but perhaps they are just beginning to discover their potential as women.
I mean, don't even try to tell me that you never ever look at your boyfriend or husband with those big puppy-dog eyes when you want something, and he knows you want it, and you know that whatever it is, he will give it to you because how can he NOT!
I started a new blog the other day called Puppy Love Love. I didn't want to inundate this blog with stories about Max, so I thought I would dedicate a blog to dogs and call it a day. It is very much a work-in-progress as I want to write about some dog-related events over the past year, so most of my entries are still in the drafting phase and have not been published. I also need to learn a few more tricks about HTML and blogging before I let it out of the cage, so to speak.
By the way, in a class today, a student asked me what "so to speak" means, and I had NO IDEA what to tell her. What the hell?
I never write about my students for privacy's sake, but I have noticed something really strange about my female students lately. When I call on them to answer a question and they don't know the answer, they look at me with these cute, childish puppy-dog eyes. These are high school girls. I am not sure why they think I will take it easy on them if they do that, but perhaps they are just beginning to discover their potential as women.
I mean, don't even try to tell me that you never ever look at your boyfriend or husband with those big puppy-dog eyes when you want something, and he knows you want it, and you know that whatever it is, he will give it to you because how can he NOT!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Now that everyone is ... happy
Last fall, my friend Sara got engaged to her awesome live-in boyfriend. He is very much like a boy we all had a crush on when we were kids, so I consider her to be pretty lucky. They'll get married this September in Wisconsin. A small wedding as neither one of them are religious. I would so like to attend this wedding, but due to my school schedule, I doubt it will possible. I haven't made a final decision on that front though.
Last night, my best friend Shannon got engaged to her boyfriend Russell. I wrote about them in a previous entry. She forewarned me the day before by sending me an email. She said if he were to propose, she would call my cell phone immediately. I made sure to charge up my cell phone this morning before leaving for work, but unfortunately, I forgot it at home. I stopped at home on my way to my Japanese lesson, and there was a frantic message on the cell phone, along with another one on the house phone. She is engaged! I am hoping to get more details soon.
Last weekend, I got my postcard in the mail saying that I passed the 2-kyuu exam for Japanese proficiency. Yeah for me!
Tonight, like Chris, I played cupid and introduced my Australian classmate from Japanese lessons to a very good Japanese friend of mine. Let's call her Ms M. Ms M brought along one of our other friends for moral support, and this was a good thing because it gave Ms M many chances to chat away with him while I chatted with Asako. Oh, in actuality, he could have his choice of either girl. They are both great candidates, in my opinion. Everything was going well. The conversation was comfortable, they were duly impressed with his knowledge of tax-related vocabulary in Japanese (God only knows why we were talking about taxes in Japanese!) and the two of them seemed to get along nicely. Until...
Towards the end of the evening, over dessert, I decided to drop the bombshell - the news about my new puppy. I even had photos to show off. I happen to know that my Australian classmate loves dogs as much as I do, and that he can't wait until he moves back to Australia so he can get his own. Ms M took the photos from me and looked them over. She said, "It's nice for you, but I'm not interested in this myself."
When questioned further, she said, "You see, I just don't like living things."
Ouch. That bites the big one.
I am not sure how he will feel about her after this. I wish I had known this small, but very important detail about her.
She doesn't even like goldfish.
Last night, my best friend Shannon got engaged to her boyfriend Russell. I wrote about them in a previous entry. She forewarned me the day before by sending me an email. She said if he were to propose, she would call my cell phone immediately. I made sure to charge up my cell phone this morning before leaving for work, but unfortunately, I forgot it at home. I stopped at home on my way to my Japanese lesson, and there was a frantic message on the cell phone, along with another one on the house phone. She is engaged! I am hoping to get more details soon.
Last weekend, I got my postcard in the mail saying that I passed the 2-kyuu exam for Japanese proficiency. Yeah for me!
Tonight, like Chris, I played cupid and introduced my Australian classmate from Japanese lessons to a very good Japanese friend of mine. Let's call her Ms M. Ms M brought along one of our other friends for moral support, and this was a good thing because it gave Ms M many chances to chat away with him while I chatted with Asako. Oh, in actuality, he could have his choice of either girl. They are both great candidates, in my opinion. Everything was going well. The conversation was comfortable, they were duly impressed with his knowledge of tax-related vocabulary in Japanese (God only knows why we were talking about taxes in Japanese!) and the two of them seemed to get along nicely. Until...
Towards the end of the evening, over dessert, I decided to drop the bombshell - the news about my new puppy. I even had photos to show off. I happen to know that my Australian classmate loves dogs as much as I do, and that he can't wait until he moves back to Australia so he can get his own. Ms M took the photos from me and looked them over. She said, "It's nice for you, but I'm not interested in this myself."
When questioned further, she said, "You see, I just don't like living things."
Ouch. That bites the big one.
I am not sure how he will feel about her after this. I wish I had known this small, but very important detail about her.
She doesn't even like goldfish.
Monday, February 13, 2006
And now...the good news!
Since last July, Suk and I have been discussing mundane things like breeds, gender, color and house-training. In August, I wrote in my blog about going to visit a breeder in Nagoya. We had been hoping to get a dog from her when the time came, but the time came and she seems to have fallen off the face of the earth.
As our moving date grows near, our search for a reputable breeder has become more serious. We were discussing our schedule for this year and about when would be the best time to introduce a new puppy into our lives.
Turns out that April 1 will be the best time. It is one week after we move, so I will have to work hard to organize the house before we bring him home.
Yesterday, after arguing a bit, as usual, we did our regular internet search to see if any pups had been put up for sale lately. We had decided to try for a breeder in our same prefecture, so that we could actually go visit the breeder and the pups without having access to a car.
We found what we were looking for and after some emails were sent back and forth between us and the breeders, they invited us over to come and see the puppies. There were three left, and based on the photos from the net, we couldn't decide which one we wanted. They told us if we wait too long, the puppies will be sold to other people. So, we took the train up to their house late last night.
We felt kind of nervous on our way there, but I had prepared the cash just in case we would decide to buy on the spot. All three of the puppies were boys, so whether we would get a boy or a girl seemed irrelevant now. We were getting a boy, for sure.
When we arrived at the place, it was quite dark and hard to see, but it was your typical Japanese family-owned business - very messy. They took us to a small building just off the main house where guests can come and look at the puppies, and this room was clean and cozy. They brought in the three little guys and we all sat on the floor playing with them for a while.
It was so hard to decide because they were all very playful and healthy-looking, but somehow I liked the one that had the most white on his face. He has a small black mark, shaped like an eyebrow, over his right eye, and that is what did it for me. He seemed to take a liking to me as well, and once that was decided, we paid the money in full.
Since we cannot keep pets at our current place, even in secret because the apartment manager lives just below us, we asked the breeders to keep him until April 1. On April 1, we will go and pick him and bring him back to his new home.
We have already chosen a name for him, and the breeder is going to call him that so he gets used to it. Also, they want us to go and visit him sometimes, so we can play with him and get him more used to us. Meanwhile, she is going to keep us up to date with emails and photos about him.
This is a very exciting endeavor for me and in many ways, it's a dream come true. I hope, but I cannot expect, that it will help Suk and I to not fight like cats and dogs anymore. Maybe it will bring some peace to our household - something else to focus our attention on rather than each other's annoying habits and negative traits. I can just hope for that.
Introducing...Max!
As our moving date grows near, our search for a reputable breeder has become more serious. We were discussing our schedule for this year and about when would be the best time to introduce a new puppy into our lives.
Turns out that April 1 will be the best time. It is one week after we move, so I will have to work hard to organize the house before we bring him home.
Yesterday, after arguing a bit, as usual, we did our regular internet search to see if any pups had been put up for sale lately. We had decided to try for a breeder in our same prefecture, so that we could actually go visit the breeder and the pups without having access to a car.
We found what we were looking for and after some emails were sent back and forth between us and the breeders, they invited us over to come and see the puppies. There were three left, and based on the photos from the net, we couldn't decide which one we wanted. They told us if we wait too long, the puppies will be sold to other people. So, we took the train up to their house late last night.
We felt kind of nervous on our way there, but I had prepared the cash just in case we would decide to buy on the spot. All three of the puppies were boys, so whether we would get a boy or a girl seemed irrelevant now. We were getting a boy, for sure.
When we arrived at the place, it was quite dark and hard to see, but it was your typical Japanese family-owned business - very messy. They took us to a small building just off the main house where guests can come and look at the puppies, and this room was clean and cozy. They brought in the three little guys and we all sat on the floor playing with them for a while.
It was so hard to decide because they were all very playful and healthy-looking, but somehow I liked the one that had the most white on his face. He has a small black mark, shaped like an eyebrow, over his right eye, and that is what did it for me. He seemed to take a liking to me as well, and once that was decided, we paid the money in full.
Since we cannot keep pets at our current place, even in secret because the apartment manager lives just below us, we asked the breeders to keep him until April 1. On April 1, we will go and pick him and bring him back to his new home.
We have already chosen a name for him, and the breeder is going to call him that so he gets used to it. Also, they want us to go and visit him sometimes, so we can play with him and get him more used to us. Meanwhile, she is going to keep us up to date with emails and photos about him.
This is a very exciting endeavor for me and in many ways, it's a dream come true. I hope, but I cannot expect, that it will help Suk and I to not fight like cats and dogs anymore. Maybe it will bring some peace to our household - something else to focus our attention on rather than each other's annoying habits and negative traits. I can just hope for that.
Introducing...Max!
My Enemy
The other night, we had a date to go over and eat "The Last Supper" with Suk's sister and the family because from now on, as a married woman, she may not come home as often and if she does, she'll be bring Sensei with her.
This is the story of that night, but alas...there is a happy ending, which I will write about in my next post.
On the way there, Suk turns to me and says, "Do you feel that my mother is competition for you?"
I told him the truth. Although I think she is a wonderful, nice and funny woman, I sometimes feel the situation is difficult to deal with. Not only does he suffer immensely from what we commonly refer to as Oedipus Complex (or Mazakon in Japanese), his mother is quite proud of the fact that her son likes her and depends on her so much.
He went on to explain to me that there is a difference between "love for you mother" and "love for your wife." Oh, yes, do I need that explained to me? Does anyone? God, I hope not.
What has always bothered me is that he often makes arrangements with his mother and sister before speaking to me about it. I am usually the last to know. It is as if I am on a need-to-know basis, and most of it seems to be stuff I don't "need to know," according to them.
In the beginning, it usually involved dinner plans. Plans would be made, times, places and food would be decided. All week, they would call each other using cell phones (not once would our house phone ring!), and finally, the day before the decided date (and sometimes on the day of!), I would be told about my weekend plans.
There were times when I already had my own plans. Or I just wanted to hang out with my workaholic husband on the weekend because that is essentially our only time together. But basically, I just wanted to be let in on the planning stages, so that I could be more informed.
After arguing about it for a while, we (I) came to the conclusion that since I am the wife, I should have first priority in his life, and that decisions should not be made without me, even if it is something as harmless as a Saturday night dinner.
There are other issues involving my relationship with Suk's mom, but this seems to be the main one.
When I first started this blog, I wrote about how we chose to buy our condo. We will move into it next month, so the last few months have been very busy making arrangements for a moving company, signing papers, choosing and ordering furniture, etc. Unfortunately, there are some things which I cannot do by myself, either because the condo-related stuff is not in my name, or because I am not completely literate in Japanese.
Nonetheless, I do my best to stay involved in the entire process...
Which is really hard when you have a husband who much prefers to depend on his mom for everything, and she enables him to do so.
For example, we have hired a moving company. A consultant came to our house to estimate how much the cost would be. My husband is a workaholic, so I have to do all the purging, cleaning and packing by myself. Suk made the arrangements with our current apartment manager as to when we have to be out of our apartment. Mind you, we are moving to a place just down the street (a 4-minute walk), so the ideal thing would be that we have an extra day or two to go back the old place and clean it up a bit before handing over the keys. Without consulting me (as usual), Suk arranged to hand over the keys on the SAME DAY that we move. Good-bye security deposit x 3!
When I complained, he assured me it would be okay because his entire family (including Sensei!) would be coming over to help us on that day. I thought that could be a good thing or a bad thing. Do I really want his mom taking over everything in the new place in her "helpful" way? Do I really want her cleaning up after us? But, with so little time, you do what you have to do.
(Not so! His family objected to the idea of cleaning up our old apartment while we assist the movers in our new place. THEY also want to be in the new place "assisting." Yeah, I can just see it now.
Me: Please put the table over there.
Her: No, it should go here. Yoo-hoo, put it here.
Him: Actually, I am thinking this would be a better place. What do you think, Mom?
Or
Him: Mande, why don't you stay here and clean the apartment.
Me: Why do I have to?
Him: Because my mom can make coffee or tea for the movers, and that's an easy job for her.
Her: (says nothing
Me: I can do THAT!!!
Him: It's just BETTER FOR YOU TO CLEAN!!! FINE! YOU DON'T WANT TO MOVE?! LET'S JUST CANCEL THIS WHOLE THING!
The end.)
So, back to the latest Saturday night dinner at her house. First things first, I had been low-carbing it last week due to a slight weight-gain and was surprised to see what she had prepared for dinner.
Ha! And they say Japanese food is healthy!
Second, I hadn't been feeling good all day and had an upset stomach. I knew that alcohol and deep-fried food would be a bad combination, but I couldn't refuse to partake. Halfway through dinner, I had to retire to the sofa where I could rest quietly.
After dinner and dessert were finished, Suk took his folders pertaining to our condo out of his bag and prepared to show her various pieces of new information and possiby ask for advice. Most of this is stuff he hasn't even bothered to explain to me. When I pick something up and ask a question about it, he usually yells at me and says, "Jibun de yome yo!", meaning, "Read it yourself!" Yeah, that's likely.
One of the items he brought with him was a magazine about dogs. We are in the process of looking for a breeder of French Bull dogs in our area of Japan, and I think he just wanted to show her some magazine articles about this type of dog. I was only half paying attention to their conversation.
She was basically lecturing him about how it's time for him to grow up and become an adult. We are almost 30 years old. We are buying a condo, getting a dog and thinking about starting a family. So, we should be able to do things on our own by now, and we should follow the proper Japanese customs of gift-giving and so on. I was totally with her up until the "gift-giving" part because I just don't get that. I have had problems with it before, and I don't want to be caught in another endless cycle of "This gift is really boring, but here take it," followed by "Thanks for the gift you gave me last week. It was wonderful. Here is a really boring gift for you in return," followed by another "Thank you so much for that gift you gave me. I made this for you. It's not so good, but take it," and so on and so forth. This kind of cycle tends to last forever, and all the while, you are left thinking, "A true friend wouldn't expect gifts from me every time I see her." So, if he wants to give gifts to people, that is fine with me, but I don't want to get involved with that. In any case, the first part of her lecture to Suk had a lot of truth to it even if it was embarrassing for me witness my almost 30-year-old husband getting talked to in that way. I kept my mouth shut.
After a while, Suk changed the subject and showed her the dog magazine. She started talking about whether we should get the dog neutered or not. Of course, she claimed it was unnecessary and that the only reason Japanese people do it is to keep their dog from barking, which would annoy the neighbors. I couldn't help but speak up at this point.
Of course, Suk agreed with her. I told her my reasons for getting a dog neutered or spayed, but I also let her know that I had already decided it. A lively, but not fun, argument incurred between the three of us, with SIL throwing in her two-cents, "Well, you'll be making your dog into a new-half!" Thanks, SIL, that really helps.
The argument finally ended when I told Suk's mom that she has no business giving us advice about such a thing because it something between me and Suk, and because she has never owned a dog. So, there.
Suk didn't like the fact that I yelled at his mom. I didn't like the fact that Suk always takes her side. The mood changed at that point，and of course，it was all my fault for being an opinionated American, and I went back to putting all of my concentration on the Olympics on TV.
Finally, it was time to go home. I stood at the door with my shoes on waiting for Suk to gather his stuff together. She came to door and in her most gracious voice, she said, "Iro iro arigatou gozaimashita," as she bowed deeply.
Could you get any more sarcastic than that?
This is the story of that night, but alas...there is a happy ending, which I will write about in my next post.
On the way there, Suk turns to me and says, "Do you feel that my mother is competition for you?"
I told him the truth. Although I think she is a wonderful, nice and funny woman, I sometimes feel the situation is difficult to deal with. Not only does he suffer immensely from what we commonly refer to as Oedipus Complex (or Mazakon in Japanese), his mother is quite proud of the fact that her son likes her and depends on her so much.
He went on to explain to me that there is a difference between "love for you mother" and "love for your wife." Oh, yes, do I need that explained to me? Does anyone? God, I hope not.
What has always bothered me is that he often makes arrangements with his mother and sister before speaking to me about it. I am usually the last to know. It is as if I am on a need-to-know basis, and most of it seems to be stuff I don't "need to know," according to them.
In the beginning, it usually involved dinner plans. Plans would be made, times, places and food would be decided. All week, they would call each other using cell phones (not once would our house phone ring!), and finally, the day before the decided date (and sometimes on the day of!), I would be told about my weekend plans.
There were times when I already had my own plans. Or I just wanted to hang out with my workaholic husband on the weekend because that is essentially our only time together. But basically, I just wanted to be let in on the planning stages, so that I could be more informed.
After arguing about it for a while, we (I) came to the conclusion that since I am the wife, I should have first priority in his life, and that decisions should not be made without me, even if it is something as harmless as a Saturday night dinner.
There are other issues involving my relationship with Suk's mom, but this seems to be the main one.
When I first started this blog, I wrote about how we chose to buy our condo. We will move into it next month, so the last few months have been very busy making arrangements for a moving company, signing papers, choosing and ordering furniture, etc. Unfortunately, there are some things which I cannot do by myself, either because the condo-related stuff is not in my name, or because I am not completely literate in Japanese.
Nonetheless, I do my best to stay involved in the entire process...
Which is really hard when you have a husband who much prefers to depend on his mom for everything, and she enables him to do so.
For example, we have hired a moving company. A consultant came to our house to estimate how much the cost would be. My husband is a workaholic, so I have to do all the purging, cleaning and packing by myself. Suk made the arrangements with our current apartment manager as to when we have to be out of our apartment. Mind you, we are moving to a place just down the street (a 4-minute walk), so the ideal thing would be that we have an extra day or two to go back the old place and clean it up a bit before handing over the keys. Without consulting me (as usual), Suk arranged to hand over the keys on the SAME DAY that we move. Good-bye security deposit x 3!
When I complained, he assured me it would be okay because his entire family (including Sensei!) would be coming over to help us on that day. I thought that could be a good thing or a bad thing. Do I really want his mom taking over everything in the new place in her "helpful" way? Do I really want her cleaning up after us? But, with so little time, you do what you have to do.
(Not so! His family objected to the idea of cleaning up our old apartment while we assist the movers in our new place. THEY also want to be in the new place "assisting." Yeah, I can just see it now.
Me: Please put the table over there.
Her: No, it should go here. Yoo-hoo, put it here.
Him: Actually, I am thinking this would be a better place. What do you think, Mom?
Or
Him: Mande, why don't you stay here and clean the apartment.
Me: Why do I have to?
Him: Because my mom can make coffee or tea for the movers, and that's an easy job for her.
Her: (says nothing
Me: I can do THAT!!!
Him: It's just BETTER FOR YOU TO CLEAN!!! FINE! YOU DON'T WANT TO MOVE?! LET'S JUST CANCEL THIS WHOLE THING!
The end.)
So, back to the latest Saturday night dinner at her house. First things first, I had been low-carbing it last week due to a slight weight-gain and was surprised to see what she had prepared for dinner.
Ha! And they say Japanese food is healthy!
Second, I hadn't been feeling good all day and had an upset stomach. I knew that alcohol and deep-fried food would be a bad combination, but I couldn't refuse to partake. Halfway through dinner, I had to retire to the sofa where I could rest quietly.
After dinner and dessert were finished, Suk took his folders pertaining to our condo out of his bag and prepared to show her various pieces of new information and possiby ask for advice. Most of this is stuff he hasn't even bothered to explain to me. When I pick something up and ask a question about it, he usually yells at me and says, "Jibun de yome yo!", meaning, "Read it yourself!" Yeah, that's likely.
One of the items he brought with him was a magazine about dogs. We are in the process of looking for a breeder of French Bull dogs in our area of Japan, and I think he just wanted to show her some magazine articles about this type of dog. I was only half paying attention to their conversation.
She was basically lecturing him about how it's time for him to grow up and become an adult. We are almost 30 years old. We are buying a condo, getting a dog and thinking about starting a family. So, we should be able to do things on our own by now, and we should follow the proper Japanese customs of gift-giving and so on. I was totally with her up until the "gift-giving" part because I just don't get that. I have had problems with it before, and I don't want to be caught in another endless cycle of "This gift is really boring, but here take it," followed by "Thanks for the gift you gave me last week. It was wonderful. Here is a really boring gift for you in return," followed by another "Thank you so much for that gift you gave me. I made this for you. It's not so good, but take it," and so on and so forth. This kind of cycle tends to last forever, and all the while, you are left thinking, "A true friend wouldn't expect gifts from me every time I see her." So, if he wants to give gifts to people, that is fine with me, but I don't want to get involved with that. In any case, the first part of her lecture to Suk had a lot of truth to it even if it was embarrassing for me witness my almost 30-year-old husband getting talked to in that way. I kept my mouth shut.
After a while, Suk changed the subject and showed her the dog magazine. She started talking about whether we should get the dog neutered or not. Of course, she claimed it was unnecessary and that the only reason Japanese people do it is to keep their dog from barking, which would annoy the neighbors. I couldn't help but speak up at this point.
Of course, Suk agreed with her. I told her my reasons for getting a dog neutered or spayed, but I also let her know that I had already decided it. A lively, but not fun, argument incurred between the three of us, with SIL throwing in her two-cents, "Well, you'll be making your dog into a new-half!" Thanks, SIL, that really helps.
The argument finally ended when I told Suk's mom that she has no business giving us advice about such a thing because it something between me and Suk, and because she has never owned a dog. So, there.
Suk didn't like the fact that I yelled at his mom. I didn't like the fact that Suk always takes her side. The mood changed at that point，and of course，it was all my fault for being an opinionated American, and I went back to putting all of my concentration on the Olympics on TV.
Finally, it was time to go home. I stood at the door with my shoes on waiting for Suk to gather his stuff together. She came to door and in her most gracious voice, she said, "Iro iro arigatou gozaimashita," as she bowed deeply.
Could you get any more sarcastic than that?
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Birds of a Feather or Something Like That
Last week, we had yet another family tragedy on my husband's side. I never realized how truly melo-dramatic they are until my SIL announced she was getting married. Now, another tragedy has occurred.
My mother-in-law's pet bird ran away...I mean,it flew away.
We gave her that bird as a birthday present last summer. She had been wanting one ever since their last one died about 10 years ago. It's a yellow cockatiel. She gave it the same name as the last one - Okame-chan, which basically means "Mr. Cockatiel."
Last week, I got a frantic phone call from my husband saying, "I have something really shocking to tell you, are you sitting down?"
I thought, "Oh god, now what?!"
"Okame-chan flew away. He's gone! My mom is so upset about this."
I know that pets are really important to people, and if my (future) dog ever runs away, I will be engulfed in guilt and sadness. However, I couldn't help but feel a little bit "unconcerned" in this situation.
Suk said she felt guilty because we are technically the owners of this bird. I quickly corrected him and reminded him that Okame-chan was, in fact, a gift to her and that she is now the owner. I suggested we buy her another bird, but that this time we should go with the much cheaper model - the $15 kind of bird that can actually learn to talk. (Being that always lament over the fact that Okame-chan will never be able to talk, this seemed like a good solution to me.)
He doesn't like this idea, and since he suffers from a serious case of Oedipus Complex (aka mazakon), he wants to rush out and buy her a new bird exactly like Okame-chan.
Meanwhile, the abrasive sister-in-law's reaction to the whole thing went something like this, "You idiot! You might as well just dive off the balcony and kill yourself."
I do think that is going a bit far, and if I am concerned about anything in this situation, it would have to be Mother-in-Law's psychological state after hearing something so horrible come out of her own daughter's mouth.
Can buying a replacement bird pull her out of this depression?
Shouldn't we tell her to buy it herself, rather than take it out of our own savings? Isn't that what you would do when a child loses his hamster?
I know that option would not go over well with Suk because he is such a Mama's boy. He thinks he should pay her back all the money she spent on his college education. But, that is a story for a another entry though!
My mother-in-law's pet bird ran away...I mean,it flew away.
We gave her that bird as a birthday present last summer. She had been wanting one ever since their last one died about 10 years ago. It's a yellow cockatiel. She gave it the same name as the last one - Okame-chan, which basically means "Mr. Cockatiel."
Last week, I got a frantic phone call from my husband saying, "I have something really shocking to tell you, are you sitting down?"
I thought, "Oh god, now what?!"
"Okame-chan flew away. He's gone! My mom is so upset about this."
I know that pets are really important to people, and if my (future) dog ever runs away, I will be engulfed in guilt and sadness. However, I couldn't help but feel a little bit "unconcerned" in this situation.
Suk said she felt guilty because we are technically the owners of this bird. I quickly corrected him and reminded him that Okame-chan was, in fact, a gift to her and that she is now the owner. I suggested we buy her another bird, but that this time we should go with the much cheaper model - the $15 kind of bird that can actually learn to talk. (Being that always lament over the fact that Okame-chan will never be able to talk, this seemed like a good solution to me.)
He doesn't like this idea, and since he suffers from a serious case of Oedipus Complex (aka mazakon), he wants to rush out and buy her a new bird exactly like Okame-chan.
Meanwhile, the abrasive sister-in-law's reaction to the whole thing went something like this, "You idiot! You might as well just dive off the balcony and kill yourself."
I do think that is going a bit far, and if I am concerned about anything in this situation, it would have to be Mother-in-Law's psychological state after hearing something so horrible come out of her own daughter's mouth.
Can buying a replacement bird pull her out of this depression?
Shouldn't we tell her to buy it herself, rather than take it out of our own savings? Isn't that what you would do when a child loses his hamster?
I know that option would not go over well with Suk because he is such a Mama's boy. He thinks he should pay her back all the money she spent on his college education. But, that is a story for a another entry though!
Friday, February 03, 2006
Obvious News
I guess it's obvious, but I changed the template of my blog yesterday. No worries, I just did it because Christine advised me to change it to something that is easier to work with. I wanted to add links to other web sites and to my favorite blogs, but I am not literate in HTML, so I wasn't sure how to do it. Now, with my new template, it will be easier to set up the links in the right column.
Also, isn't this template much easier to read? I think so!
Tomorrow, I am going to Tokyo to hang out with my friend Andrea at her house. We're going to do scrapbooking together. Then, I am heading over to Louise's house where we will also do scrapbooking, followed by dinner out, karaoke and then staying up all night gabbing. Louise has three kids and is a working mom, but we started this tradition last year, so every January, I am supposed to do an overnight at her house on the west side of Tokyo. Suk is not too happy, but he'll have to deal. I know he just misses me like crazy because he doesn't get to hang out with me during the week. That is so not my fault though!
Also, I decided to start calling him Suk (pronounced "sook"). It is short for Yusuke (as in YuSUKe). I began calling him that soon after we got married as a cute little newlywed nickname, but I don't really make it public. I just thought that it would easier when referring to him in my blog and in my scrapbooks because it is better than typing "my husband" every time I want to write about him.
Also, isn't this template much easier to read? I think so!
Tomorrow, I am going to Tokyo to hang out with my friend Andrea at her house. We're going to do scrapbooking together. Then, I am heading over to Louise's house where we will also do scrapbooking, followed by dinner out, karaoke and then staying up all night gabbing. Louise has three kids and is a working mom, but we started this tradition last year, so every January, I am supposed to do an overnight at her house on the west side of Tokyo. Suk is not too happy, but he'll have to deal. I know he just misses me like crazy because he doesn't get to hang out with me during the week. That is so not my fault though!
Also, I decided to start calling him Suk (pronounced "sook"). It is short for Yusuke (as in YuSUKe). I began calling him that soon after we got married as a cute little newlywed nickname, but I don't really make it public. I just thought that it would easier when referring to him in my blog and in my scrapbooks because it is better than typing "my husband" every time I want to write about him.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Mande's J-Life Stands for Life in Japan...Get it!?
Last night, I reluctantly went back to my Japanese school and signed the contract for the next round of 60 lessons. I so did not want to do this, and I definitely did not want to hand over an envelope filled with cash (105,000 yen or $1200) to that receptionist/teacher, whatever she is.
While sitting at the desk waiting for her to count my cash and find out where they keep the change (they have so few students who take classes there, I was surprised they even HAD change!), I happened to notice some free "Take One" magazines sitting there. I picked up a few issues of Metropolis. That's a weird magazine if there ever was one, but it's nice to find out exactly which bands are coming to Japan and then lament over the fact that there is no way I could get tickets for them since A. I don't know how to get tickets and B. it's always too late by the time I find out. Since I enjoy that crummy feeling, I grabbed a few issues just to skim them.
Then, I noticed another magazine with the extremely creative title J-Life. And, I was like, "Hey, they totally copied me!" Here I thought I was being so original in choosing the title of my blog. I chose "Mande" - because that is what my friends, family, husband and anyone who knew me before 2001 call me. Everyone who met me since 2001 calls me "Amanda" because that is how I introduce myself now...yeah, now that I am a grown-up married woman, I thought I should be more formal. Also, I decided the name "Amanda" sounds better with my new last name. So, I thought if anyone were to google my blog (not that people really do this), my friends back home would have an easy time finding me, but people that I have met since 2001, would not. As this blog was originally meant for those old friends back home, I used that logic to use Mande in my title. Although, at this point, I would be happy if anyone was reading this.
Then, I thought, oh, if I put "Japan" in the title, the blog would be TOO easy to find. So, I came up with J-Life on a whim, and I actually assumed that no one had ever thought of that before. Right. By the looks of this magazine cover, they printed their first issue sometime last fall, so they totally DID copy me. As if.
If you are just the least bit curious, you can find this magazine and try reading it. I have not (and probably WILL NOT) read it, but there are contributions and advertisements geared towards people from all sorts of cultures who are now residing in Japan, and they are all written in Japanese with little furigana characters above the kanji. If you didn't understand that last sentence, then you probably need to start by taking Japanese 101 at your local community college.
While sitting at the desk waiting for her to count my cash and find out where they keep the change (they have so few students who take classes there, I was surprised they even HAD change!), I happened to notice some free "Take One" magazines sitting there. I picked up a few issues of Metropolis. That's a weird magazine if there ever was one, but it's nice to find out exactly which bands are coming to Japan and then lament over the fact that there is no way I could get tickets for them since A. I don't know how to get tickets and B. it's always too late by the time I find out. Since I enjoy that crummy feeling, I grabbed a few issues just to skim them.
Then, I noticed another magazine with the extremely creative title J-Life. And, I was like, "Hey, they totally copied me!" Here I thought I was being so original in choosing the title of my blog. I chose "Mande" - because that is what my friends, family, husband and anyone who knew me before 2001 call me. Everyone who met me since 2001 calls me "Amanda" because that is how I introduce myself now...yeah, now that I am a grown-up married woman, I thought I should be more formal. Also, I decided the name "Amanda" sounds better with my new last name. So, I thought if anyone were to google my blog (not that people really do this), my friends back home would have an easy time finding me, but people that I have met since 2001, would not. As this blog was originally meant for those old friends back home, I used that logic to use Mande in my title. Although, at this point, I would be happy if anyone was reading this.
Then, I thought, oh, if I put "Japan" in the title, the blog would be TOO easy to find. So, I came up with J-Life on a whim, and I actually assumed that no one had ever thought of that before. Right. By the looks of this magazine cover, they printed their first issue sometime last fall, so they totally DID copy me. As if.
If you are just the least bit curious, you can find this magazine and try reading it. I have not (and probably WILL NOT) read it, but there are contributions and advertisements geared towards people from all sorts of cultures who are now residing in Japan, and they are all written in Japanese with little furigana characters above the kanji. If you didn't understand that last sentence, then you probably need to start by taking Japanese 101 at your local community college.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Bachelorettes III
I wanted to give an update about my sister-in-law.
Sister-in-law = SIL
We met The boyfriend last Saturday over dinner at the in-law's tiny, cramped 2LK. Hey, they raised two children in this tiny apartment, so perhaps to them, cramming 6 adults in this place is nothing to them.
He is tall and thin, wears glasses and has funny ears. I thought he may have done judo, but he never mentioned it during our conversations. I think he is good-looking, but my husband kept whispering stuff like this to me.
Him: "Look at the top of his head. He's balding."
Me: "I think everyone has a slight thinning at the top of their heads. It's nothing to worry about.
Him: Look at those ears. How weird!
Me: Maybe he practices judo. Or maybe his ears look red because he has been drinking so much.
Yes, in the drinking department, he does hold his own, and that is A LOT when you compare him to my in-laws. I mean, my father-in-law is no drunk. He drinks one glass of beer, feels drunk, starts acting funny and then disappears into his bedroom for the rest of the night. My mother- and sister-in-law like to party, and Yusuke and I can barely keep up with them. The boyfriend was right there, keeping up with them, not a trace of drunkeness - except for the reddened ears.
I call him The boyfriend because I cannot refer to him by name, however, from now on, I will call him "Sensei." This is what my sister-in-law calls him. For anyone who has seen the Karate Kid movies, you would know that "sensei" means teacher or master. We asked why she had nicknamed him "sensei" and like everything is with her, she said, "It's a secret. I can't tell you." So, right away, I imagined that she called him "sensei" because he had taught her the ways of the world...if you know what I mean. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.
So, Sensei has been dating my sister-in-law for the past year. They met at a three-week training conference for their company. They work in different departments. He is an executive. From what I can tell, she is more like an administrative assistant to an executive, but of course, she is sworn to secrecy about her job. When she first met him, he told her he was in charge of the Psycho Dept, and she just assumed that he was a teacher of some sort. This might explain why she began to affectionately call him Sensei.
I was eager to know more about Sensei and his relationship with SIL, and since I am the designated Say-it-like-it-is Foreigner of the family, I knew that it was my job to bring a few issues to the table. So, I asked her why the heck she had kept their relationship a secret for so long. And, I went on to tell her that I had been suspecting for a long time. Of course, I got no real answer from her. Just a shy giggle. A shy giggle? From my SIL? She must be in love or something because normally she is a stern (albeit heavy-drinking), serious OKORIPPOI (a person with a bad temper) woman.
After Father-in-law had retired to his room (oh, thank god he's gone. We can really party now!), we sat down and asked Sensei some real questions about his life and their relationship.
I think everyone is a geek about something. (I am a geek about scrapbooking. My husband is a TOTAL geek about movies. Shannon is a geek about reading sci-fi and romance novels.) Sensei is a geek about -get this! - building and riding bicycles. You know how some computer geeks enjoy collecting various parts of old computers and building "new" computers out of them. Well, apparently Sensei likes to do the same with bicycles. This guy is a gem!
Now, for the unfortunate news. There will be no $30,000 wedding spectacle. I would have liked to see SIL in a wedding dress (but I would never say that to her face!), so I am disappointed. Instead, they have invited both sets of parents (little brothers and their foreign wives need not apply) out to lunch and the parents will be asked to sign the papers as witnesses to the marriage. Then, they will go down and add her name to the family registry. This will take place in two weeks. I asked about a ceremony and a party (you would think that with this kind of family, they would at least get together and down a few bottles of sake), and she said they were thinking of having a small ceremony at a temple in Kamakura.
No laser light show. No emcee. No giant fake wedding cake. I am utterly disappointed.
Then, the good news. They are already apartment hunting, and the timing is perfect because we are hoping to get rid of some of our stuff. When I offered them our white leather two-seater sofa, my husband got really annoyed. I guess he wants to keep it for his "man's room". But, that would be a subject for another blog.
After SIL and Sensei left to go back to Tokyo, my husband promptly fell asleep on the couch with the bird (my MIL's pet) perched on his crotch and pecking at his zipper. What a nice photo opp that would have been! Then, I had to wash dishes with MIL, and the whole time she lamented about how dispicable it was that her daughter would be getting married even though she had vowed that she would never marry. How horrible that one's own daughter should fall in love and get married! I assured her that SIL probably didn't mean it when she supposedly "vowed" to never marry. Who does that anyway?
MIL's sadness about the whole thing made me wonder (while wallowing in my own selfishness), will I have to step in as wife of the only son and take care of her in old age? No wonder she is feeling sad! If I were her, I would not want MandeJ taking care of me either!
Sister-in-law = SIL
We met The boyfriend last Saturday over dinner at the in-law's tiny, cramped 2LK. Hey, they raised two children in this tiny apartment, so perhaps to them, cramming 6 adults in this place is nothing to them.
He is tall and thin, wears glasses and has funny ears. I thought he may have done judo, but he never mentioned it during our conversations. I think he is good-looking, but my husband kept whispering stuff like this to me.
Him: "Look at the top of his head. He's balding."
Me: "I think everyone has a slight thinning at the top of their heads. It's nothing to worry about.
Him: Look at those ears. How weird!
Me: Maybe he practices judo. Or maybe his ears look red because he has been drinking so much.
Yes, in the drinking department, he does hold his own, and that is A LOT when you compare him to my in-laws. I mean, my father-in-law is no drunk. He drinks one glass of beer, feels drunk, starts acting funny and then disappears into his bedroom for the rest of the night. My mother- and sister-in-law like to party, and Yusuke and I can barely keep up with them. The boyfriend was right there, keeping up with them, not a trace of drunkeness - except for the reddened ears.
I call him The boyfriend because I cannot refer to him by name, however, from now on, I will call him "Sensei." This is what my sister-in-law calls him. For anyone who has seen the Karate Kid movies, you would know that "sensei" means teacher or master. We asked why she had nicknamed him "sensei" and like everything is with her, she said, "It's a secret. I can't tell you." So, right away, I imagined that she called him "sensei" because he had taught her the ways of the world...if you know what I mean. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.
So, Sensei has been dating my sister-in-law for the past year. They met at a three-week training conference for their company. They work in different departments. He is an executive. From what I can tell, she is more like an administrative assistant to an executive, but of course, she is sworn to secrecy about her job. When she first met him, he told her he was in charge of the Psycho Dept, and she just assumed that he was a teacher of some sort. This might explain why she began to affectionately call him Sensei.
I was eager to know more about Sensei and his relationship with SIL, and since I am the designated Say-it-like-it-is Foreigner of the family, I knew that it was my job to bring a few issues to the table. So, I asked her why the heck she had kept their relationship a secret for so long. And, I went on to tell her that I had been suspecting for a long time. Of course, I got no real answer from her. Just a shy giggle. A shy giggle? From my SIL? She must be in love or something because normally she is a stern (albeit heavy-drinking), serious OKORIPPOI (a person with a bad temper) woman.
After Father-in-law had retired to his room (oh, thank god he's gone. We can really party now!), we sat down and asked Sensei some real questions about his life and their relationship.
I think everyone is a geek about something. (I am a geek about scrapbooking. My husband is a TOTAL geek about movies. Shannon is a geek about reading sci-fi and romance novels.) Sensei is a geek about -get this! - building and riding bicycles. You know how some computer geeks enjoy collecting various parts of old computers and building "new" computers out of them. Well, apparently Sensei likes to do the same with bicycles. This guy is a gem!
Now, for the unfortunate news. There will be no $30,000 wedding spectacle. I would have liked to see SIL in a wedding dress (but I would never say that to her face!), so I am disappointed. Instead, they have invited both sets of parents (little brothers and their foreign wives need not apply) out to lunch and the parents will be asked to sign the papers as witnesses to the marriage. Then, they will go down and add her name to the family registry. This will take place in two weeks. I asked about a ceremony and a party (you would think that with this kind of family, they would at least get together and down a few bottles of sake), and she said they were thinking of having a small ceremony at a temple in Kamakura.
No laser light show. No emcee. No giant fake wedding cake. I am utterly disappointed.
Then, the good news. They are already apartment hunting, and the timing is perfect because we are hoping to get rid of some of our stuff. When I offered them our white leather two-seater sofa, my husband got really annoyed. I guess he wants to keep it for his "man's room". But, that would be a subject for another blog.
After SIL and Sensei left to go back to Tokyo, my husband promptly fell asleep on the couch with the bird (my MIL's pet) perched on his crotch and pecking at his zipper. What a nice photo opp that would have been! Then, I had to wash dishes with MIL, and the whole time she lamented about how dispicable it was that her daughter would be getting married even though she had vowed that she would never marry. How horrible that one's own daughter should fall in love and get married! I assured her that SIL probably didn't mean it when she supposedly "vowed" to never marry. Who does that anyway?
MIL's sadness about the whole thing made me wonder (while wallowing in my own selfishness), will I have to step in as wife of the only son and take care of her in old age? No wonder she is feeling sad! If I were her, I would not want MandeJ taking care of me either!
Catchy Lyrics or Lyrics That You Can't Catch
A fellow teacher asked us to decode some song lyrics today. As you can imagine, we have a lot of free time these days.
The song is by DefTech, a Japanese band, that like most Japanese bands, seem to enjoy sledgehammering nonsensical English phrases into their verses.
1.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
Your seeds will grow, reap them.
2.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
Your seeds are weeping.
3.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
You will know it.
Well, anyway, what the hell does that mean? I like version #1 becomes it seems almost biblical.
The song is by DefTech, a Japanese band, that like most Japanese bands, seem to enjoy sledgehammering nonsensical English phrases into their verses.
1.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
Your seeds will grow, reap them.
2.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
Your seeds are weeping.
3.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
You will know it.
Well, anyway, what the hell does that mean? I like version #1 becomes it seems almost biblical.
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Bachelorettes II
The other day, I wrote about my poor, poor Japanese girlfriends who are still single. I count my sister-in-law to be part of this group...but, not anymore!
Last night, my mother-in-law called me up (actually, she wanted to talk to my husband but she couldn't get a hold of him), and she told me this story.
My mother-in-law went to the hospital in Tokyo for some routine tests and her daughter (age 32 and perpetually single, but very beautiful and with an attitude) showed up to keep her company at the hospital. While there, she informed her mother that she would be visiting her this weekend and that she was planning to bring her boyfriend with her. This was the first anyone had heard of the existance of a boyfriend.
Not only that, but they have been dating for a whole year and they are planning to get married. So, she just wants to introduce him to us before they go through the formality of seeking permission from their company. They both work for a very strict company and apparently, they need permission to do this!
Anyway, my mother-in-law told her that she was against the whole thing, but I think she is just upset that she was never told her daughter was even dating someone.
Actually, my husband and I suspected that something was up for a quite a long time. She lives in Tokyo by herself, and she used to come home to our town almost every weekend. Last summer, she stopped coming so frequently, and then last fall, we didn't see her at all! Whenever we asked her about it (I was always made to ask the questions like "So, whose this mysterious guy you're seeing? What's his name? What, there is not one person you are even slightly interested in? Not even a flirtation? Oh, come on! I don't believe it," and so on), but she would never give anything away. So, even though we suspected, we were unable to get anything out of her.
In my view, this is just another example of Japanese culture. You date, but you don't tell, especially the family, until it is really serious and you plan to get married. I am not surprised about her, but I am surprised that my husband and his family are so shocked.
In our case, my mother-in-law saw it coming. For the six months before my husband and I got engaged, we were sending packages and letters back and forth through the mail, talking on the phone every week, and since he still lived at home, his mom was clued into everything. Then, he went and visited me in the USA for two weeks at Christmas, so they all figured he was planning to propose. When he came back to Japan and sat them all down to tell them the big news, his mom kind of stole his thunder when she said, "Oh that, yeah, we knew you were gonna do that. That's nice. Another drink, anyone?"
Last night, my mother-in-law called me up (actually, she wanted to talk to my husband but she couldn't get a hold of him), and she told me this story.
My mother-in-law went to the hospital in Tokyo for some routine tests and her daughter (age 32 and perpetually single, but very beautiful and with an attitude) showed up to keep her company at the hospital. While there, she informed her mother that she would be visiting her this weekend and that she was planning to bring her boyfriend with her. This was the first anyone had heard of the existance of a boyfriend.
Not only that, but they have been dating for a whole year and they are planning to get married. So, she just wants to introduce him to us before they go through the formality of seeking permission from their company. They both work for a very strict company and apparently, they need permission to do this!
Anyway, my mother-in-law told her that she was against the whole thing, but I think she is just upset that she was never told her daughter was even dating someone.
Actually, my husband and I suspected that something was up for a quite a long time. She lives in Tokyo by herself, and she used to come home to our town almost every weekend. Last summer, she stopped coming so frequently, and then last fall, we didn't see her at all! Whenever we asked her about it (I was always made to ask the questions like "So, whose this mysterious guy you're seeing? What's his name? What, there is not one person you are even slightly interested in? Not even a flirtation? Oh, come on! I don't believe it," and so on), but she would never give anything away. So, even though we suspected, we were unable to get anything out of her.
In my view, this is just another example of Japanese culture. You date, but you don't tell, especially the family, until it is really serious and you plan to get married. I am not surprised about her, but I am surprised that my husband and his family are so shocked.
In our case, my mother-in-law saw it coming. For the six months before my husband and I got engaged, we were sending packages and letters back and forth through the mail, talking on the phone every week, and since he still lived at home, his mom was clued into everything. Then, he went and visited me in the USA for two weeks at Christmas, so they all figured he was planning to propose. When he came back to Japan and sat them all down to tell them the big news, his mom kind of stole his thunder when she said, "Oh that, yeah, we knew you were gonna do that. That's nice. Another drink, anyone?"
Friday, January 27, 2006
Never Would Have Thought It
| You Are a Sarariiman! |
 Or "salaryman." Whatever. Treadmill off, treadmill on. Most of the sleep you get is on Tokyo's extensive subway system, since you are putting in 14 hour days. You're a workaholic who works hard for no overtime. And vacations? Forget about it. You spend most of your trip hunting around for gifts to bring back all of your coworkers. |
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Bachelorettes
Why is it that many of my Japanese girlfriends are still single?
Okay, when I wrote "many", what I meant was "the six women that I happen to be friends with."
Not a boyfriend in sight. No dates. Not even a flirtation.
I have heard that Japanese men are so shy, or that they portray themselves as being shy so as to not appear "needy." And, if these women don't pursue the man strongly, by say, hitting him on the head with a big club and then dragging him back to the cave, perhaps he will just never get the hint.
I have heard Christine's stories. And, I suppose there are other foreign wives who were very aggressive with their Japanese men.
I, myself, had never pursued anyone so strongly before I met Yusuke and since I have known him. I was unstoppable.
I remember this one time...we were in high school and I stayed after to visit him when his club activity finished at 6pm. Then, we hung out in the equipment room together until we absolutely had to leave the school. Finally, he went and got his bike and walked me to the bus station. I still didn't know for sure whether he liked me or not, but even though his friend was walking with us, I put my hand over his hand which was resting on his bike seat as we walked to the bus stop. He didn't acknowledge, but he didn't move his hand away. I never mentioned it to him until two weeks ago, but I figured he would have no memory of it. He just started giggling like a little boy. Of course he remembered!
Back to my Japanese girlfriends. I want to fix them up, but I only know a few foreign guys, most of whom are off limits for one reason or another. I wish I knew some nice, decent Japanese guys, but most of the ones I know are married with kids. Is it just that women outnumber men, or is that men are super picky?
Okay, when I wrote "many", what I meant was "the six women that I happen to be friends with."
Not a boyfriend in sight. No dates. Not even a flirtation.
I have heard that Japanese men are so shy, or that they portray themselves as being shy so as to not appear "needy." And, if these women don't pursue the man strongly, by say, hitting him on the head with a big club and then dragging him back to the cave, perhaps he will just never get the hint.
I have heard Christine's stories. And, I suppose there are other foreign wives who were very aggressive with their Japanese men.
I, myself, had never pursued anyone so strongly before I met Yusuke and since I have known him. I was unstoppable.
I remember this one time...we were in high school and I stayed after to visit him when his club activity finished at 6pm. Then, we hung out in the equipment room together until we absolutely had to leave the school. Finally, he went and got his bike and walked me to the bus station. I still didn't know for sure whether he liked me or not, but even though his friend was walking with us, I put my hand over his hand which was resting on his bike seat as we walked to the bus stop. He didn't acknowledge, but he didn't move his hand away. I never mentioned it to him until two weeks ago, but I figured he would have no memory of it. He just started giggling like a little boy. Of course he remembered!
Back to my Japanese girlfriends. I want to fix them up, but I only know a few foreign guys, most of whom are off limits for one reason or another. I wish I knew some nice, decent Japanese guys, but most of the ones I know are married with kids. Is it just that women outnumber men, or is that men are super picky?
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
What Not To Do When You are 29
Out of pure laziness, I have somehow developed the habit of answering the phone (which rarely ever rings, by the way!) like this:
Me: Moshi, moshi. (Hello.)
Them: Hello, is your mother there?
Me: No, she's not.
Them: Okay, we'll call back later.
Now, I do not do this every time I answer the phone, but when the coversation starts out "Is your mother there?", I used to feel so insulted that I would go off on the salesperson. Then, I realized how funny it was, and I just started answering with the truth.
Tonight, I was doing aerobics to my new DVD (can you believe that?!), and the phone rang. Figuring it was my husband playing a trick on me, I answered the phone like this:
Me: Hello.
Them: Hello, is this the _______ household?
Me: (pause, as I try to discern whether it is my husband on the other end or not)
Um, my dad's not home right now.
Them: Oh, really? Well, we'll call back later. Sorry to bother you. (click)
Before pushing the play button on my DVD, I waited for my "husband" to call back right away, but the phone never rang. Later, I called him to ask if it was really him, and he had NO IDEA what I was talking about.
So, no more of this laziness. I must answer the phone like a proper lady and wife would do. I may think it is hilarious now, but when I have kids someday and they overhear their mother pretending to be a child on the phone so she can get out of talking to salespeople, I think they will lose respect for me. Don't you think?
Me: Moshi, moshi. (Hello.)
Them: Hello, is your mother there?
Me: No, she's not.
Them: Okay, we'll call back later.
Now, I do not do this every time I answer the phone, but when the coversation starts out "Is your mother there?", I used to feel so insulted that I would go off on the salesperson. Then, I realized how funny it was, and I just started answering with the truth.
Tonight, I was doing aerobics to my new DVD (can you believe that?!), and the phone rang. Figuring it was my husband playing a trick on me, I answered the phone like this:
Me: Hello.
Them: Hello, is this the _______ household?
Me: (pause, as I try to discern whether it is my husband on the other end or not)
Um, my dad's not home right now.
Them: Oh, really? Well, we'll call back later. Sorry to bother you. (click)
Before pushing the play button on my DVD, I waited for my "husband" to call back right away, but the phone never rang. Later, I called him to ask if it was really him, and he had NO IDEA what I was talking about.
So, no more of this laziness. I must answer the phone like a proper lady and wife would do. I may think it is hilarious now, but when I have kids someday and they overhear their mother pretending to be a child on the phone so she can get out of talking to salespeople, I think they will lose respect for me. Don't you think?
Do Not Disturb
We have a rule in my household. It is a rule that my husband protested at first, but now he has quieted.
Every night, before I go to bed, I must read until my eyes start drooping. If I don't get a chance to read, even for a couple of minutes, I will lie there wide awake for hours (okay, maybe minutes!) until I can fall asleep.
Although I would venture to say that everyone in my family is the same way, it is an unfortunate fact that my husband does not require a reading session before sleeping. In the beginning, this was a definite point of contention for us. He used to accuse me of liking books better than I liked him, among many other things.
Rather than feel guilty about my habit (love, addiction, lifestyle) for reading before bed, I stood firm on the fact that I should not be disturbed once in bed with a book. You may be thinking that this is far too strict and that it holds me back from enjoying other pleasures in life.
Perhaps this is true, but a good-night's sleep is truly one of life's pleasures, and if reading is the only thing that will get me there, I am willing to sacrifice. (I have been known to put down the book, enjoy other activities, only to book up the book afterwards and continue where I left off.)
So, back to reading. Recently, on the advice of two good friends (Christine & Kaz), I finally joined Bookcrossing. I have three growing piles of books in my to-be-read pile. After finishing a few very good novels last November, I floundered through a few books only to give up on each after about 20 pages. Then, I thought, well, I haven't touched my non-fiction pile lately, so I picked up my long awaited autobiography by Hillary Clinton, and I am back in the game! Great book, by the way. I'll put on Bookcrossing as soon as I finish.
So, for those who don't know, check out the web site and sign up. It's for book lovers all over the world, not just Japan. This is a great way to see what others are reading, to get free books sent to you, and to get rid of your books once you have read them. Another advantage is this: You can track books and see what happens to them after they leave your hands.
This last one is really important. Let me illustrate why, and I am sure you will relate to this.
A long time ago, a friend presented me with a very thick novel called Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet. I am not a follower of Ken Follet, nor am I a fan of really thick books. After a few years, I moved to Japan and soon ran out of books to read. I dug that book out and read it out of pure desperation for English literature.
It was more than a page-turner. It was an amazing tale of the building of a church which starts in the 11th century England and ends some 400 years later. After reading it, I lent it to Andrew, an English gentleman whom I worked with at the time. Andrew lent it to his friend later, and after much prodding, I got the book back from him months later. A couple of years later, I was working a different job with a different English gent, and I decided to lend it to him. Have never seen it since. He swears he has no memory of it. So there you go. One of the best books I have ever read is out there somewhere, and I have no idea where. How sad.
How many times has this happened to you? I can think of countless others, and that is why I have a bookshelf for "Books-that-I-never-lend-out."
Then, from the opposite view, people have lent me books. I read it, but by the time I am finished reading, I cannot for the life of me remember who the heck lent me this book. I am not sure if I should keep it around or if I should lend it out to others. Oh, the guilt I feel over these stray books.
Check out the web site for Bookcrossing and join up!
Every night, before I go to bed, I must read until my eyes start drooping. If I don't get a chance to read, even for a couple of minutes, I will lie there wide awake for hours (okay, maybe minutes!) until I can fall asleep.
Although I would venture to say that everyone in my family is the same way, it is an unfortunate fact that my husband does not require a reading session before sleeping. In the beginning, this was a definite point of contention for us. He used to accuse me of liking books better than I liked him, among many other things.
Rather than feel guilty about my habit (love, addiction, lifestyle) for reading before bed, I stood firm on the fact that I should not be disturbed once in bed with a book. You may be thinking that this is far too strict and that it holds me back from enjoying other pleasures in life.
Perhaps this is true, but a good-night's sleep is truly one of life's pleasures, and if reading is the only thing that will get me there, I am willing to sacrifice. (I have been known to put down the book, enjoy other activities, only to book up the book afterwards and continue where I left off.)
So, back to reading. Recently, on the advice of two good friends (Christine & Kaz), I finally joined Bookcrossing. I have three growing piles of books in my to-be-read pile. After finishing a few very good novels last November, I floundered through a few books only to give up on each after about 20 pages. Then, I thought, well, I haven't touched my non-fiction pile lately, so I picked up my long awaited autobiography by Hillary Clinton, and I am back in the game! Great book, by the way. I'll put on Bookcrossing as soon as I finish.
So, for those who don't know, check out the web site and sign up. It's for book lovers all over the world, not just Japan. This is a great way to see what others are reading, to get free books sent to you, and to get rid of your books once you have read them. Another advantage is this: You can track books and see what happens to them after they leave your hands.
This last one is really important. Let me illustrate why, and I am sure you will relate to this.
A long time ago, a friend presented me with a very thick novel called Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follet. I am not a follower of Ken Follet, nor am I a fan of really thick books. After a few years, I moved to Japan and soon ran out of books to read. I dug that book out and read it out of pure desperation for English literature.
It was more than a page-turner. It was an amazing tale of the building of a church which starts in the 11th century England and ends some 400 years later. After reading it, I lent it to Andrew, an English gentleman whom I worked with at the time. Andrew lent it to his friend later, and after much prodding, I got the book back from him months later. A couple of years later, I was working a different job with a different English gent, and I decided to lend it to him. Have never seen it since. He swears he has no memory of it. So there you go. One of the best books I have ever read is out there somewhere, and I have no idea where. How sad.
How many times has this happened to you? I can think of countless others, and that is why I have a bookshelf for "Books-that-I-never-lend-out."
Then, from the opposite view, people have lent me books. I read it, but by the time I am finished reading, I cannot for the life of me remember who the heck lent me this book. I am not sure if I should keep it around or if I should lend it out to others. Oh, the guilt I feel over these stray books.
Check out the web site for Bookcrossing and join up!
Monday, January 23, 2006
Causes of Stress & Interferences (in the life of a foreign wife)
One of my main stress factors is that my husband is in the worst health, and he continues to go downhill. According to Kaz, I am the only one who allows this to stress me out. Okay, so from this day forward, I will no longer give a damn about my husband's diet, lack of exercise, lack of sleep, anxiety disorder, cavities, bad smoking habit, fatty liver, etc. Must I go on? I have managed to make him sound like a complete dolt to most of my friends.
For many foreign wives living in Japan, our stress factors include the following:
Lack of knowledge (of the language, the laws, the medical system, etc.)
Taking care of others
Household responsibilities
Making decisions (about medical care, education and money) for others
Dealing with children, especially sons
Dealing with Oedipus Complex (again, I may be the only one who feels this way!)
Lack of Time
Lack of Money
Limited job opportunities
Going on a vacation (to our hometowns, which is not nearly as relaxing as a real vacation might be.)
Having to be a "good girl" (a.k.a. being a wonderful wife, mother, housekeeper, daughter, friend, etc.)
Oh, the list goes on, but these seemed to be the major ones. Then, we talked about what interferes with our chosen methods of relaxation.
Many of the same things applied to this next list:
Lack of money
Lack of time
Sleep (Yes, sleep can interfere even though it would really be thought of as a method for relaxing.)
Demands from others
Guilt
Lack of knowledge (language, etc.)
If we can find our most preferred method for relaxation, we should consider what that is.
Mine is scrapbooking. I also enjoy reading, but that is mainly to help me relax enough to go to sleep or sit on the pot. Otherwise, I don't usually take the time to read during the day unless I am involved in a really good page-turner.
I often ask myself, "Mande, why the hell can't you take it upon yourself to exercise a bit?" I have so many excuses for not doing it. In fact, I could be using a newly-purchased-in-the-USA DVD to learn how to do dance aerobics or yoga, but instead, I am writing this blog.
These excuses are my "interferences":
I don't want to bother the neighbors downstairs by my potential thumping.
It's too cold in this apartment.
I would rather eat dinner and then do some scrapbooking.
I might like it too much.
Wait, was that last one an interference?
There are four areas of one's life that should be considered for managing stress, and a good balance is necessary:
Work
Shelter
Spiritual
Emotional
Work
I am nearly satisfied with my job, much moreso than many foreign wives I know. Teaching positions are becoming more and more restricted. I was lucky to get the job I got, and so I don't usually worry about it. I do find it stressful, but usually that is a good thing as it stretches my brain a bit. As Pamela Anderson says, "I don't mind playing dumb blondes. After all, a dumb blonde couldn't actually play a dumb blonde." If you read into that retarded statement, you would understand that she is actually pointing out the fact that she is NOT dumb. I don't mind being an Native English teacher in Japan because after all, a Native couldn't actually work as a Native English teacher.
Okay, that made NO sense whatsoever.
In any case, I am happy at work.
Shelter
We are moving to a new shelter, and we're busy preparing for the move. I am jumping out of my pants for that day to come!
Spiritual
Okay, so I never go to church. This is a problem, perhaps. I need to consider a bit more about what kind of spiritual life I would like and how I will pass this on to my kids. I think they need some kind of spiritual guidance, even if it is not the mainstream religions like christianity.
Emotional
I used to be a real mess in college. Now, I am okay, and I can talk to my husband about most things even if we do fight a lot. I think that one's emotional life always NEEDS some fixin' up. Not a day goes by when I don't assess issues going on my mind, but I think things are much better than they used to be. I am so much more adjusted to Japan now. My first year, I was sick all the time, constantly going to the doctor and quite depressed. But, I am much happier now.
For many foreign wives living in Japan, our stress factors include the following:
Lack of knowledge (of the language, the laws, the medical system, etc.)
Taking care of others
Household responsibilities
Making decisions (about medical care, education and money) for others
Dealing with children, especially sons
Dealing with Oedipus Complex (again, I may be the only one who feels this way!)
Lack of Time
Lack of Money
Limited job opportunities
Going on a vacation (to our hometowns, which is not nearly as relaxing as a real vacation might be.)
Having to be a "good girl" (a.k.a. being a wonderful wife, mother, housekeeper, daughter, friend, etc.)
Oh, the list goes on, but these seemed to be the major ones. Then, we talked about what interferes with our chosen methods of relaxation.
Many of the same things applied to this next list:
Lack of money
Lack of time
Sleep (Yes, sleep can interfere even though it would really be thought of as a method for relaxing.)
Demands from others
Guilt
Lack of knowledge (language, etc.)
If we can find our most preferred method for relaxation, we should consider what that is.
Mine is scrapbooking. I also enjoy reading, but that is mainly to help me relax enough to go to sleep or sit on the pot. Otherwise, I don't usually take the time to read during the day unless I am involved in a really good page-turner.
I often ask myself, "Mande, why the hell can't you take it upon yourself to exercise a bit?" I have so many excuses for not doing it. In fact, I could be using a newly-purchased-in-the-USA DVD to learn how to do dance aerobics or yoga, but instead, I am writing this blog.
These excuses are my "interferences":
I don't want to bother the neighbors downstairs by my potential thumping.
It's too cold in this apartment.
I would rather eat dinner and then do some scrapbooking.
I might like it too much.
Wait, was that last one an interference?
There are four areas of one's life that should be considered for managing stress, and a good balance is necessary:
Work
Shelter
Spiritual
Emotional
Work
I am nearly satisfied with my job, much moreso than many foreign wives I know. Teaching positions are becoming more and more restricted. I was lucky to get the job I got, and so I don't usually worry about it. I do find it stressful, but usually that is a good thing as it stretches my brain a bit. As Pamela Anderson says, "I don't mind playing dumb blondes. After all, a dumb blonde couldn't actually play a dumb blonde." If you read into that retarded statement, you would understand that she is actually pointing out the fact that she is NOT dumb. I don't mind being an Native English teacher in Japan because after all, a Native couldn't actually work as a Native English teacher.
Okay, that made NO sense whatsoever.
In any case, I am happy at work.
Shelter
We are moving to a new shelter, and we're busy preparing for the move. I am jumping out of my pants for that day to come!
Spiritual
Okay, so I never go to church. This is a problem, perhaps. I need to consider a bit more about what kind of spiritual life I would like and how I will pass this on to my kids. I think they need some kind of spiritual guidance, even if it is not the mainstream religions like christianity.
Emotional
I used to be a real mess in college. Now, I am okay, and I can talk to my husband about most things even if we do fight a lot. I think that one's emotional life always NEEDS some fixin' up. Not a day goes by when I don't assess issues going on my mind, but I think things are much better than they used to be. I am so much more adjusted to Japan now. My first year, I was sick all the time, constantly going to the doctor and quite depressed. But, I am much happier now.
Which Symbol Are You?
Yesterday, Kaz and I attended a seminar for AFWJ, a group that we belong to in Japan. The first thing they asked when we arrived was, "Which symbol are you most attracted to?" We were each assigned our symbol and then told to go sit with others who had chosen the same one.
There were four symbols: a circle, a square, a squiggly line and a triangle. I chose the triangle right away, and there were only two others in my group.
We triangle people are supposedly leaders and we are decisive, ambitious, competitive and athletic. We are also self-centered, overloaded, dogmatic, status-oriented, impatient and driven. Jobs that we tend to go for include executive positions, administrative positions, lawyers, entrepreneurs, etc.
Check out this link if you want to find out more about your own symbol.
http://www.personalityquiz.net/test/symboltest.htm
I must get this from my mom. She is way over the top in the leadership category of life. Anyway, what was most interesting about my group members is that one women is a past-president of AFWJ and other woman is the current president. Also, I used to be the Journal Editor for AFWJ, so there you go. Well, for now, I don't see myself pursuing any leadership positions, except for "Big Mama of our Household" and "Dog-owner".
There were four symbols: a circle, a square, a squiggly line and a triangle. I chose the triangle right away, and there were only two others in my group.
We triangle people are supposedly leaders and we are decisive, ambitious, competitive and athletic. We are also self-centered, overloaded, dogmatic, status-oriented, impatient and driven. Jobs that we tend to go for include executive positions, administrative positions, lawyers, entrepreneurs, etc.
Check out this link if you want to find out more about your own symbol.
http://www.personalityquiz.net/test/symboltest.htm
I must get this from my mom. She is way over the top in the leadership category of life. Anyway, what was most interesting about my group members is that one women is a past-president of AFWJ and other woman is the current president. Also, I used to be the Journal Editor for AFWJ, so there you go. Well, for now, I don't see myself pursuing any leadership positions, except for "Big Mama of our Household" and "Dog-owner".
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