One Person's Rudeness is Another Person's Physical Disorder

A funny thing occurred during the catered lunch which took place at the shrine. There was much wine, beer and sake, so after 90 minutes of solid drinking and eating, I was a little sleepy. Forgiveable in most circumstances, perhaps.

Towards the end of the meal, SIL and Sensei invited the young Shinto priest to come in, so we could all thank him personally. Then, for some ungodly reason, they invited us to ask questions about Shintoism to the priest. Well, for once, these Japanese people actually HAD questions, and the priest went on and on in detail about the history of the shrine, how one becomes a priest...well, I am not sure what was said after that because I was nodding off...zonked out...long gone.

Suk was constantly tapping my foot and arms to jolt me awake, but it didn't help. People were watching me. The priest was droning on, and people were asking question after question. Then, MIL, turns to me and says, "Why don't you ask a question about the differences between Shinto and Christianity?"

Honestly, I had no questions about that. I already know the differences, but I couldn't even stay awake long enough to think of a polite question. Suk was embarrassed. With only 9 other people there, it was obvious that I was nodding off, which in itself would not have been a crime.

After the priest left, we began cleaning up, and Sensei came right over to ask me if I was bored. Well, not bored. Just sleepy, but there is something else.

I have narcalepsy when it comes to listening to lectures. As soon as someone starts lecturing at me, I fall asleep. It started when I was in college, and I hated it. I tried everything to stay awake, but even in my most interesting, major-related classes where I had read all of the text materials and LOVED the professors, I couldn't control it. I would even sit in the first row of the lecture halls, thinking that my body would be more motivated to stay awake, but it didn't help. To this day, I often fall asleep at meetings, seminars, lectures, etc.

But, Suk thought I was being extremely rude, and he managed to bring it up to me during yet another fight over the weekend. It's not like I did it on purpose! And, you can't expect me to understand what the priest is saying, which makes it even harder to pay attention.

Suk didn't buy the claim that it is a physical disorder rather than a personality characteristic which I could potentially change. He brought up the example of the "sweating incident". He said he sweats a lot, but he cannot control it.

The "sweating incident" occurred at our very own wedding in the States. Imagine a large church filled with 80 of your friends, family and colleagues. The bride and groom are standing at the altar with the minister, and throughout the entire 60-minute ceremony, the groom is sweating so profusely that the sweat is actually dripping from his face. He continually uses a handkerchief to wipe his face, neck and hands. The minister pauses the ceremony to ask if he would like to "take a moment" outside. Later, people joke about it. "Was he scared about getting married?" "Didn't he want to get married?"

According to Suk, he had gone out drinking with some guys the night before for a mini-bachelor party, and though he had not consumed that much alcohol, it was the main reason for his sweat. Other reasons included the fact that he was a little nervous about standing in front of so many people, and that I had I was trembling a bit which caused him to become more nervous.

This reference to the "sweating incident" backfired on Suk because I told him how much embarrassment that incident had caused us, that people still joke about it, and that people actually thought he didn't want to be getting married.

Shocked into submission, Suk had nothing to say. Point taken. Uncontrollable physical disorder. Noted.

He left the room and came back about five minutes later a much nicer and affectionate husband.