Friends

I normally hate getting forwards from people, but recently got a nice, concise one from my friend, Sara. I want to include it here because it goes nicely with my "Break Up" theme.



There comes a point in your life when you realize

who matters,

who never did,

who won't anymore...

and who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past,

there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Give this heart to everyone you don't want to lose in 2008,

including me, if you care.

Try to collect 12; it's not easy!

No, I am not going to forward it to 12 people who I don't want to lose in the year 2008. That is dumb. But, I do want to comment on a few things.

First, after posting my last entry, certain friends who are close to me and who knew about the situation, told me that it was too obvious. Well, I know when I am being obvious in my writing, but do I really care whether "Lara" reads it or not. There is no chance that Lara and I will ever be friends again, and I don't feel that I said anything particularly negative about her. Despite what happened, she is still a decent person and I am sure she is living a happy life. I think I made that quite clear in my entry.

Second, I alluded to a second break up which happened quite recently. I want to write about it in the worst way, but these same friends advised me not to. For one thing, it is too recent and still a bit raw (though not nearly as raw as the Lara thing left me). Also, there is a possibility that this person and I will make amends and begin our friendship anew. After all, we knew each other and were close for a long time before our friendship exploded into a million pieces. These friends advised that no matter what I write and how subtle I try to be, there is also the chance that it will be read by the person in question and that certain details about my workplace will be revealed. When it comes to my place of work, I would certainly not want this to get out. God forbid that one of my students were to read about it. So, because of these reasons, I cannot write the story of Break Up Chapter 2. Just try to imagine my pain and broken-heartedness, and think of all the people you have hurt in your past.

Tangent Warning:
I have hurt people too. (Mostly ex-boyfriends or guys who claimed to like me, and I certainly never cared much at the time.) But, during college, I became overwhelmed by the thought of breaking other people's hearts because someone (we'll call him C) broke my heart. It was partly my fault and I take full responsibility for some of the dumb choices I made, but when C finally dumped me for another girl (whom he eventually married and has kids with), I was stunned. I had never expected such a thing to happen to me. For several months, I attempted to lay low. I didn't want to date for fear of breaking someone's heart. I looked back on my past and regretted all the hearts I had left in the dust (all 3 of them). Then, I slowly got back in the saddle and started dating again, but lo and behold, the guy screwed me over. Then, it happened again, and I saw how easy it was for guys to screw over girls. I thought, "if they can do it, so can I!" So, I went on this rampage and started breaking hearts all over the place...only I don't think I was actually breaking any hearts. I doubt they were all that attached to me anyway, but I made sure to screw them over before they could beat me to the punch. This became tiring after a while. It comes so easy for guys (more power to them), but it just wasn't for me. Okay, why am I even talking about this? Obviously, you all know the end of the story. I eventually got back together with my high school "boyfriend" who I met while studying abroad in Japan and married him. So, none of that stuff mattered in the end.
End of Tangent

What is my point? Oh yeah, friends.

Keeping friends and losing friends is all a part of life. Although it's fun to wonder what would have happened if you had stayed in touch with so and so, it really doesn't matter. I once heard that a person can only manage 7 close friendships at a time. So, if you have 7 close friends and you meet someone new, most likely, you will end up distancing yourself from one of your current 7 in order to spend more time with your new friend. (I know you are now counting on your fingers right now!)

I actually agree with this theory. Do you?

Breaking up - Chapter 1

I am going to do something I rarely do. I am going to write about 2 incidences in my life which broke my heart and caused two friendships to come to an end. I know this happens to everyone at some point or another...well, at least I do hope I am not the only one to experience such a thing. My husband seems to think it is rare because he, himself, claims to have no "enemies."

Well, I certainly wouldn't go so far as to call these two people my enemies, but they are indeed friends whose friendship is no longer available to me for whatever reason. I word that as if I am a needy person, but I also hope that is not the case.

Case #1
I'll call her Lara to protect her identity.

Lara and I met through a foreign wives' group at a time when we were both pregnant. Very nervous and anxious first-time moms-to-be, we found we had a lot in common, and for one year, we were, for lack of better phrasing, attached at the hip. We shared many things between us: tips, great web sites, woes, complaints, ideas, encouragement, funny stories about our husbands and babies, mother-in-law horror stories, etc. She seemed so smart and resourceful. For example, before buying something, she always fully researched the product and decided whether it was worth buying or not. She was also very soft-spoken and gentle when in public, but in private, she had very strong opinions about everything. I found that intriguing. I couldn't pretend to be so gentle in public.

She also had weaknesses (don't we all?). Hers was Japanese. She probably could speak and understand more than she let on, but she tended to depend on others to translate for her and help her out in a variety of situations. I, supposedly being better at Japanese, was often called upon to help her out. And, I did help as much as possible because she was my friend.

One year passed since we had met. At that time, I was having a lot of problems with my husband and we were seriously discussing "you-know-what." (Things are much better now, so don't be alarmed.) Anyway, I mentioned our issues to her a few times, and when it got really bad, I did call her up crying once or twice. But, isn't that what you can do with your friends...cry on their shoulders?

During the period of time when my situation with my husband was at it's worst (we had almost but not quite reached a turning point in our marriage), Lara began acting strange around me. She began to do the things that you typically do when you no longer want to hang out with someone but you are afraid to say so. I am not naive, so I noticed it immediately. And, I called her on it.

Through several emails exchanged between us, she admitted that she wanted to limit her time spent with me because the problems I had with my marriage were stressing her out. Perhaps my initial reaction to this was more of an over-reaction because her next move was to quit the playgroup we had started together. Then, quit other groups we both belonged to as well. Then, just drop out of my life as if she never knew me. What was my initial reaction? Well, I suggested that we only discuss playgroup-related stuff from now on if talking about personal things made her feel bad.

Well, one issue here is the lack of face-to-face communication. Though I tried to call her a few times, she never picked up. Our communication on this matter was done only through email, which very quickly could have turned into stalking since it was so obvious she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So, on the advice of my husband and other friends, I stopped trying to make amends with her.

What I needed to do was go on with my life. I wanted to enjoy the remainder of my child-care-leave year with my daughter and dog. I needed to start preparing mentally for going back to work and becoming a working mom. And, I needed to continue managing the playgroup Lara and I had created together, and I needed to leave it in the hands of someone who could continue it after I return to work.

But, the fact remains, my heart was broken. For months, whenever I thought of Lara, I felt angry. I also felt sad and embarrassed. How could I explain this to my playgroup members? Lara didn't even bother to say goodbye to them in person. I kept wondering what I would do if I ran into her on accident since we live so close and shop at many of the same stores, but in the past year, I have never seen her. Perhaps she runs the other way when she sees me coming.

By the time I went back to work, about 5 months later, I finally reached a point where I didn't think about her every day and wonder what the hell I could have done differently. At work, my mind was occupied by other things, and my days were so busy that I no longer had time to be angry at people.

The one thing I did learn from this situation though was how supportive some people had the capacity to be. The people in my life who really do care for me, were there to listen and give their support. Mostly, it was my husband who actually sat and listened for the first time in a long while. He tried his best to give reasonable advice, and he often asked for updates to show that he cared or was thinking of me. And, he knew that in some weird way, this was partly his fault for if we hadn't been having marital problems, Lara would still be my friend. Or would she?

I will never know, but one thing I do know is that in an even weirder way, it gave my husband a chance to show his love for me and that was helpful for our marriage.

So, Lara, if you are out there, which I highly doubt, but I want to say thank you for being a bad friend because sometimes, that is what people need to grow and learn.

New Challenges & Complaints

I see that my old friend Craig has finally started writing again, and I quite enjoyed reading his blog. He has a quite a nice writing style when he is not writing about computers. That is not a diss. It's just that not everyone can understand all that techno-babble.

I am still working on various projects, and because I am spread too thin, I am afraid to say that my projects are not making much progress. Slowly but surely - well, a better way to describe it would be "1 step forward, 2 steps back." I probably shouldn't commit myself to so much stuff. What is funny though is when my husband questions my "busy schedule" saying he can't imagine what could possibly keep me so busy in the evenings.

Well, let me just say that I am way to busy to even sit down and write a list of all the tasks I have to accomplish each night while trying to squeeze in just a little bit of project time each day as well. Even though he seems to have no idea what I've been up to, I want to slap him when he says such things.

Well, here is what I have been up to:
1. Volunteering for AFWJ as their newsletter editor for the Kanto District
2. Volunteering for the Convention 2009 committee which will take place in Chiba
3. Still working on creating the Bilingual Kids Club
4. Still trying to develop the on-line magazine, which is much much harder than I thought.
5. Updatng my 2008 Chronological family scrapbook each month
6. Planning this summer's trip to Wisconsin
7. Exercising to shed some baby weight - (of course, this doesn't work well when your husband buys a huge bag of chocolate at Costco and then leaves it on the table...)
8. Watching the first season dvd of Beverly Hills 90210 (Hey, I remember wearing flourescent biker shorts and thinking I was so cool.)

I would advise myself to drop something from the list, but I know that some of this will end at some point.

Of course, there is also daily chores like laundry (Japan with its obsession of using balconies merely as places to hang ones laundry!), preparing Ailin's stuff for daycare, dinner-related chores, etc.

Well, I have a beef with TV shows that I grew up with such as the Cosby Show. Okay, Claire was a lawyer who always left work at work and each night she came home at the same time to a perfectly kept home, a stocked fridge & a present husband. Cliff was a doctor who only worked the occasional odd shift when delivering a baby in the middle of the night, but that never took long and he was always back home for the next scene. He never seemed stressed out, and the family had plenty of time to banter (or communicate) and deal with their daily issues (however big or small). I have a few questions.

Where was their cleaning lady? How come we never saw her? When & how often did she come to clean the house?

Who did the grocery shopping for all those kids? How did Claire always know what to make for dinner?

What about laundry? They must have gone through a lot! Did the invisible cleaning woman take care of that too?

The 80's really pisses me off. Where do they get off portraying the working woman as someone who could do it all without the help of, well, a paid staff.

And, just one more thing...I was complaining to my mom one day about how I needed someone to come in and help with laundry and cleaning - there are always things that just never get done. I said I wanted to spend my weekends enjoying my time with my family - why should I have to be down on my knees cleaning out bathroom drains with a toothbrush? And, putting away a week's worth of laundry that has been piling up on my bedroom floor?

She said, "You need a wife. Those are the things that wives do, and that's what you need."

Ha ha, Mom.

GWL Challenge - Weigh in & Scores for Week 6

Though we continued to weigh in each week, we were unable to do the sports challenges consistently. For one thing, Jeff had a family emergency and had to go back to the USA for a week or two. We couldn't possibly perform challenges and keep score without him, however we did "play" some tennis once. I put play in quotes because Karl and I both su-u-u-uck when it comes to playing tennis, and we got more exercise from chasing balls around the court.

Week 6 results meant that a winner would be declared. Here are the results:

Jeff - down 2 kg
Karl - down 6 kg
Paul - down 7 kg
Mande - down 200 grams

Last week, we also went to the batting cages. It was my first time, and admittedly, I do suck at this sport as well. It was fun though. I have no form when it comes to hitting a ball with a bat.

Update on our GWL challenge:
I started this entry in May, and am now finishing it up. Our wonderful plan sort of lost it's potency when some people didn't want try out certain activities, such as ice skating and running. (Okay, I admit that I was the one who didn't want to go running, but I could have wiped the floor with them in the ice rink!!) Anyway, it sort of started to fizzle out, but the guys were doing so well on their own. Each of them made extra time to exercise each day, and they were really watching their diets. Each of the guys was steadily losing weight each week while I stayed the same.

The only things I lost were my drive, my confidence and finally, my interest. I knew that I needed more, but felt frustrated that I couldn't make more time for exercise. Meanwhile, the guys decided to start working on their muscles now that they had more control of their "fat." They did the 2-week trial period at Gold's Gym (yes, we have one right here in Makuhari!) and fell in love with the place. Now, they have bought memberships and are well on their way to becoming muscle men.

(Meanwhile, I have fallen off the wagon and am back to eating chips and drinking coke. But, that is a story for another time.)

GWL Challenge - Weigh in & Scores for Week 1

It was suggested that I actually post the weigh-in results and scores each week. Okay, if you insist...JEFF!!!

Week One - Weigh-in
Karl - lost 2 kg
Jeff - lost 2 kg
Mande - no change
Paul - lost 3 kg

Week One - Golf Challenge Competition
Karl - 20 points
Jeff - 14 points
Mande - 14 points
Paul - 8 points

Next challenge - Batting cages!!!!

GWL Challenge #1 - Golf

From front to back: Jeff, Paul, Mande & Karl

The Gaijin Weight Loss Challenge kicked off last night with our first Wednesday activity. We went to the driving range in Makuhari to hit golf balls. I used to do this as a stress reliever back in my bachelorette days, but I had not touched a golf club in 8 years! To be honest, I had to ask Jeff for some pointers on how to hold the club and how to swing properly.

While Paul had never swung a club in his life (Tennis is his sport of choice.), and Karl apparently had gone to driving ranges in the past, Jeff was the pro among us. He used to be really into golf and he actually owns a set of clubs.


Jeff in all his glory


Let's get down to business here. Makuhari's driving range has free parking and charges 500 yen for unlimited usage. You can rent a club for 200 yen. And, you can fill your basket with golf balls - 600 yen for 55 balls if you use the 2nd floor, and 50 balls if you use the 1st floor.

The weather was perfect, the company was swell, and a good time was had by all, except maybe Paul, who hit the golf ball machine more times than he hit the ball, and who took longer to get through his basket because he kept missing. Even though we gave him shit for sucking so bad, we assured him that he would kick our asses in tennis.

Paul - wishing it was a tennis racket

Boys will be boys, so as you can imagine, they wanted to use the last of our balls to make a competition. We could earn points based on the "straightness" of our drives, first using a wood, and then using an iron. Being the only girl, I couldn't care less about points and was much more worried about relationships and how everyone is "feeling." But, screw that, I won 2nd place in the wood compe, and 3rd place in the iron compe. I have no idea what we are earning these points for...but we'll have to think of something. They are already brainstorming about good competitions for upcoming sports.

Mande getting ready to go pro

The Gaijin Weight Loss Challenge

Last week, we gaijin (a.k.a my colleagues and I) were sitting around complaining about our weight and lack of control when we suddenly decided to start a group challenge, similar to that on the TV show, The Biggest Loser. I have never seen this show, but Karl has, and I suppose that is how this idea came about.

First, we had a "weigh in" and everyone got weighed and Karl put our weights on a chart. Each Thursday will be our "weigh in" day. On Wednesdays, after school, we will challenge ourselves to a fun, but active sport. Our first will be a driving range - hitting golf balls for an hour will be a good workout, but not too strenuous for us fatties.

We have plans for each Wednesday for the next 6 weeks, and they include going to a batting cage, rock wall climbing, ice skating, swimming, throwing frisbee, etc. (We do have some alternative activities in mind as well.) Then, we decided to do mini-challenges on Mondays after school as well. These are less extreme, but basically consist of activities like ping pong, tennis, basketball, brisk walk along the beach, etc...basically, anything we can do on or near the school premise.

Each person has to manage their diets individually, be together we will try out these challenges. I have never tried some of these sports before, so it will be fun to do with a group of people.

At the 6 week check point, we are going to determine who is the biggest loser at that point. Then, we plan to go out to lunch at a nearby restaurant - one of those healthy buffet places - and we will treat the biggest loser to lunch.

Then, if things are going well and we are up for it, we will continue on with another 6 week round.

One of the great benefits of this weight loss challenge is the opporunity to try out some activities that I would never have the guts to do on my own. Of course, my over-worked husband is usually not interested in trying these things with me, and even if he was, weekends are nearly impossible with the crowds! Plus, if I go about these activities with my colleagues (for example, going to a driving range for the first time in Japan), it gives me a chance to find out where it is, how to get there, details like cost and rental fees, etc. So, next time, if I want to go there alone or with my husband, it won't seem so daunting.

Doing things for the first time in a foreign country is often daunting, and I think this will be a good way to break down some barriers which have existed in my life since moving to Japan. In fact, just in the last week, through our quick research and pooling of resources, we realized that there is a driving range, a batting cage, an ice rink, a rock climbing wall, and ping pong courts right in the area where our school is located!! We never realized this before!!! Plus, our school is one block from the beach and sea-side park - perfect for jogs, brisk walks and frisbee-throwing.

Well, let's see if I can manage to lose the 10 kg I have yet to lose since getting pregnant. (I have only lost 8 kg so far since having the baby over a year ago!)　

Not an Update

And, I was doing so well for a while! Time really gets away from you when you suddenly go back to work and have a million other things going on. I really don't want to turn this into an update, but I'll just write briefly about what is currently happening.

1. Ailin loves her new day care. She has been there for almost one month and she seemed to like it from the first day.

2. Work is going splendidly...classes started a couple weeks ago, and most of them are going well. One class is giving me a bit of trouble, but I am not sure of the reason yet. Either the kids are "dumbasses" or I am making several small mistakes which lead to lesson plans not going as well as expected. I am sure it is a mixture of both.

3. A friend and I are are getting ready to launch a co-operative learning group called Bilingual Kids Club. We are planning to meet on Saturday mornings each week, and are still in the process of gathering enough members and finding the best location for the group. We are hoping to start meeting in May after Golden Week. Fingers crossed. It's harder to find members than I thought. I imagined that people would jump at the chance to join the BKC, as other groups like this exist throughout Japan, and some even have waiting lists. I think that once we get going, more people might be interested in joining...well, I hope that's what will happen.

4. I am also preparing to launch an on-line magazine, but am still working on the technical aspect of building my web site. I also need to recruit more writers, but have not been so active in doing that lately. I have so little time at night to work on my personal stuff, and I am often too tired to do much - I mean, everything takes a back seat to laundry these days. Anyway, as I get this web site built, I would like to put an open call out there to potential writers - if you live in Japan and want to write for this magazine which will be geared towards "gaijin", especially men and women who are in a relationship with Japanese, please contact me. I would like to see writing samples or a reference to other things you have written, and I will send information to you about my plans for the magazine along with the types of columns and articles I am looking for. Just email me privately!

5. The Gaijin Weight Loss Challenge - this topic deserves its own entry, so I will wait until later. But, in your mind, just imagine something like the TV Show, The Biggest Loser.

6. This is it for now. Like I said, this is not an update!

Miso Pork Butt and Other Things

My new scheme of weekly menu planning and cooking American and Japanese on alternate weeks is working all right. Not as much food is wasted, and less complaining from Suk. However, many of the recipes I have been using are brand new to me. I got a recipe from the AFWJ cookbook called Miso Pork Butt. It sounded appetizing...I mean, who doesn't want to eat Pig Butt? Suk thought it was hilarious that I was going around the meat section of the store asking them where the pork butt is located. They corrected me by telling me it was actually the pork thigh. So what? Pork Butt is much funner to say. So, anyway, I made the pork butt for the first ... and last ... time. Remember this, folks. Never ever cook miso. There is a reason why miso is always added last when cooking soup or miso based sauces. In fact, it is added last, after the heat has been turned off. In this case, according to said recipe, I was supposed to make a sauce using miso, pour it over the pork butt, and then let it simmer in the pot for 2 hours. 2 hours? I went into the livingroom to nurse the Ailin while the pork butt was simmering, and ten minutes later, it was burned to a crisp and there was a thick layer of black, charred something on the bottom of the pan. Need I describe to you the horrendous smell coming from the pot as well? This horrendous smell filled my house and stuck to everything - the clothes, the curtains, my hair, etc. I could not get rid of it easily, and my nose burned all night. Suk was not pleased when he got home and was welcomed by that miso stench. I really learned something new here. No more pork butt in this house, and definitely no more cooking of miso.

Other news: Suk and I are going on a date in Ginza tomorrow. Just shopping for electronics and then dinner. Yeah. Grandma will be taking care of Ailin.

I am now posting on my teaching blog, which I started last year just before going on maternity leave. I started working on it again, so please check it out if you are interested in English teaching. It is called "It's time for coffee talk" and you'll see the link at the top of my blog roll.

Ailin can now eat with a spoon. I am not sure, but she may have learned that at the daycare. You'd think they would write about such an accomplishment in her diary, but I haven't seen any references to spoons. She seems to be doing well there, but is very happy when I pick her up.

Mandeland

Things are going fine in Mandeland. Sorry I haven't gotten back here to update the saga of Supermom.

I went back to work on February 15 and was sick as a dog. I was even wearing a mask so as not to pass my then-unnamed disease onto my unsuspecting co-workers. I went to the doctor after school and demanded a diagnosis. I forced him to test me for influenza even though I had had an influenza shot back in November. I was negative and he insisted and I did not have bronchitis, pneumonia or anything else related to the lungs. I had what he termed "an especially bad cold." Hmmm. He gave me "especially strong drugs" and told me not to nurse for 5 days.

Okay, I'm not a doctor, but I have read some books, and I am acquainted with Dr Sears. According to Dr Sears, prescription and OTC drugs for things like colds are not going to do your baby in should you choose to take them while nursing. In fact, refusing to nurse your baby just because you are taking a little cold medicine is likely to piss your baby off and leave you feeling even worse. Nursing should be avoided, or at least carefully monitored, if you are on psycho drugs like Lithium, or cancer drugs. And, nursing should be avoided altogether if you are smoking (the) pot, snorting cocaine or injecting herione. So, I went home and nursed Ailin through the weekend and both us felt much better by Monday. Thank the lord.

After a bit of adjustment, she is doing well in day care. They love her, and she is happily playing, eating and sleeping there all day.

At work, I am busy with class-planning for the next school year, chatting with my colleagues, drinking coffee, going out for lunch occasionally and working on a few personal projects here and there. I have no classes right now since it is nearly the end of the school year, and my replacement has stayed on to finish out the year.

Ailin did have her birthday party with the Bilingual Baby Playgroup moms and their kids. Oh, I would have called it a first-class disaster, but according to some of the moms who attended, it was "really great." I don't know what impressed them more - the huge-ass Costco cake that would feed an army or the deflated baloon decorations that were hanging up since the originally planned birthday party two weeks before. Maybe it was the fact that Birthday Girl herself had decided to take a nap just before the guests arrived, and slept for most of the party. When she did awaken and I brought her out, she was in the worst mood ever. And, she got scared off by the living room full of people, so she cried and acted all clingy until everyone left. Then, she was in a fine mood. No, no, I think it was the horrible Star Wars-style sandstorm that was brewing outside during the party, and just when it was in full swing, I sent everyone home so they had to walk through the sand storm with their babies and strollers. Yes, yes, it had to be the last one. If I had been a guest, I would have really appreciated that thoughtful detail.

Well, moving on...it wasn't that bad. I was relieved to get it out of the way. I might avoid planning big birthday bashes in the future. You just never know when someone will get sick and all that prep time and food will go to waste. It's not really worth it.

Other than that, I am busy, but things are going smoother than I imagined they would. I really should be doing flylady-style housework right now, but instead, I am slacking on the computer. So, that's enough for now!

A Sad Sad Story about Supermom and her Superkid

A sign has been made as part of the decorations. I used my new Cricut machine for the first time!


The table is set. The serving plates ready for their arrays of delicious baby-friendly finger foods that would have have been handmade by Mande, the Supermom.



The cake has been baked and frosted. All it needs is a little decoration.



Oh, but then something terrible happens. Supermom Amanda comes down with fever. She can no longer deny the sad fact...both Ailin and Supermom have bad, nasty colds with hacky coughing, sore throats, fevers, headaches...the list goes on. What to do?

Superdad to the rescue. He advises that the party should be cancelled or postponed.

Postponed? You mean, Supermom has to do this all over again? The cake? The decorations? The food? Impossible...

But, can we just fake it? I mean take some photos of Ailin with the cake, at least? At the very least?



The next morning. The party has been cancelled...decision about postponement to be announced at a later date. Right now, Supermom can't even think straight. (But she knows that if she were to attempt another party, all food and cake would come from Costco, and decorations would be miniscule.)

So, let's just set the table and pretend that a good time was had by all - minus the delicious finger foods which hadn't been made yet.




The sweetest cake in the world. Perhaps, Supermom thinks, this is a blessing in disguise. Japanese people would not really enjoy such a sugar rush.




Happy Birthday Dear Ailin...



Happy Birthday to me ... hee hee.




Oh, Supermom, you shouldn't have, really. You needn't have gone to all this trouble for li'l ol' me.




But, I do appreciate it and will cherish these photos always as the birthday party that never happened.

The End

Can I just say...

Can I just say that I am SO looking forward to going back to work next week?

Okay, I know this is hard for some people to believe, but I love my job. I was made to work there, and that job was made for me. So, to have been given the opportunity to work there and then to be able to take and entire year off to be with my baby, and then STILL HAVE THE SAME JOB when I go back - that is such a blessing!

I am a high school teacher - specializing in the Intercultural program - at a public school where the kids are actually nice and pleasant to work with, overall. And, we get a lot of freedom in our lesson planning, so this is just the kind of thing I love.

When I was a kid, because my dad was an elementary school teacher, I also wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Then, I started junior high, and I wanted to be a junior high school teacher. Then, I went to high school, and well, you get the picture. At some point, I considered becoming a professor instead because then you can teach students who actually choose to be there. But, at my school now, the kids in the intercultural program did actually choose to apply for it, so I kind of got what I wanted.

Okay, it is not all roses and My Little Ponies, because there are always a few kids who are total idiots or who have no ability in English. And, there are a few teachers who just plain annoy me and everyone else. Oh, and we have had some issues with getting good quality native teachers on our staff, but all that aside, I am happy with this job.

I never thought I would say that about a job. I was never happy at my part time jobs through college and after. And, when I graduated from college, it wasn't long before I was disillusioned by the reality of working and building a career. There was no joy in it whatsoever!!!! I really wondered, "is this it? Am I going to be doing this for the next 20 years?" I knew there was no way up, and I needed to find another route. I was looking into grad school until I decided to get married and move to Japan. I knew I was giving up certain things to do this - material things like a car, my furniture, etc., and relationships with friends and family might suffer - but I also knew that eventually we would be able to purchase material things as we build a life together, and that I would make new friends in Japan. But, giving up my job at the time was sort of a blessing in disguise. I didn't realize how much I disliked it until later...until I didn't have to do it anymore.

(I was a field rep for a certain publishing company...no, it was a certain division of a very famous publishing company, and I was on the road almost every day. I was dirt poor, barely able to pay the bills and I was in debt. I had only $50 a month to spend on groceries and most of my lunches consisted of a can of Pringles and a cup of gas station coffee to keep me awake while driving. I couldn't afford anything more than that.)

I think that the above description would explain why, after all these years since cutting ties with that publishing company and never having contact with those co-workers or bosses again might explain why I STILL HAVE FLASHBACKS!!!

I have flashbacks of driving around an unfamiliar town searching for an elementary school, of sitting in a school library chatting away with a cold-hearted librarian, of doing the same with a very warm, cheerful librarian who wanted to know all about my wedding plans, of eating those damn pringles!, of arriving home exhausted to an empty fridge and napping on the couch until it was time to go to bed...it's a wonder I didn't lose weight.

Certainly, that job was not my calling. I am proud to be a high school teacher in Japan, and that I can work at a school in the same area where I live, so there is not a long commute to work. Anyway, one reason for writing on this topic was to explain that though I will miss Ailin and being with her every day, I do think she will gain something from being at day care. I am not saying this to justify going back to work. It's great that we could bond over the past year, and I have put some systems into place which can maximize our time together, so I don't feel guilty about going to work and leaving her at daycare. Plus, the daycare system here is pretty good. And, I must admit that I like living on a double income...I still have fears about empty fridges and living on pringles!!!!

And, now I must mention how truly sad I am because my co-worker (close friend and godfather to Ailin) will be leaving Japan. He got into grad school, so he will leave his job at the high school and go on to start his new life. I don't blame him. He needs to work on the next phase of his life, get into the business world, make some money, etc. Not everyone loves teaching as much as I do, but he was a good teacher, and I (along with the students) will be very sad to see him go. It also makes me envious because I still have dreams of going to grad school. Suk said I can once the kids have gone to college. Ha ha. By that time, I will be 50 years old!

Good luck, Karl. Come back and see your god-daughter when you can. This gives me an excuse to go and visit you in Seattle.

I do have some standards, people.

This is something I find myself saying quite often...mainly I just mumble it under my breath when a friend/family member or my husband does something to annoy me, or when I am alone with Ailin and I stop her from doing something really stupid.

But first, I must mention something that happened today. God, I was so embarrassed! I was about to check out at the cash register during my weekly shopping trip. Usually, Suk goes with me on Sundays, but yesterday, we had a big snowstorm (no, not big, windy or violent, it was soft and pretty and we were left with a blanket of snow in which my husband was deathly afraid to drive. Figures.), so we couldn't go shopping. Today, I managed to get out there and do the shopping with Ailin. As I was placing the overflowing basket on the counter, a cheap bottle of white wine fell out and shattered on the floor. It rolled towards the feet of another customer and she yelled out in surprise. Oh, gosh, what has the idiot gaijin done now?! I was horrified. About 6 months ago, the same thing happened with a container of tofu, but that was tofu. It made a small mess and no glass was involved. I was embarrassed then too, but I had already paid for it, so they just brought me another one right away. This time, no one offered to bring me a replacement bottle of wine, and I was way too embarrassed to go and get another one myself. In this case, I had not paid for the wine and I offered to anyway, but they waved me off. I really would have. That "you break it you buy it" policy you see in American movies doesn't apply in Japan, I guess. Well, I am not sure it actually happens in the USA either because I have only seen it in movies.

Okay, the real subject for tonight. These are my standards when it comes to the safety of my daughter.

1. When the dog has licked her mouth for more than 2 seconds, I immediately put a stop to it.
2. When she starts to play with the dog's water or food bowl, I move it or shut the door to the dog's room. (Yes, he has his own tiny 2-mat room, which basically is just a place for his indoor toilet and his water supply, and where he stays when we are gone.)
3. When she is interacting with other babies and it looks like she is about to scratch their eyes out. Hey, it happens - babies don't have much control over their limbs, so they tend to reach out and slap or pull at other people's faces or hair. It doesn't mean she has a violent tendency, but I would gather that other mom's don't like it.
4. When she is playing at the jidoukan play spaces, and she decides the floor vent is her new favorite toy, I attempt to redirect her again and again.
5. When she tries to play with the computer cords, I put a stop to that. (There are no other cords within reach for her in our apartment, thank god.)

I know there are more, but my point is that I notice others being so vigilent and strict with their babies, and I am just too laidback about some things. I mean, if you have read my last couple entries, you have gotten the feeling that Suk is overly-careful with her, and he often admonishes me for letting her crawl across the room, or letting her stand near the TV, or letting her play within 5 inches of the dog, etc. But, even out in the community, I notice that Japanese moms seem to be really careful about not allowing their baby to cause trouble of any kind. Today, I took her to a play space in Jusco, and there were about 5 other moms there. Every time this one baby came near us, his mom was right on top of him telling him not to yell out or get too close to us. I guess she thought he should be quiet in the play space.

Well, I am having trouble explaining myself here, but it reminds me a conversation I had with a friend last month. She had decided not to hang out with certain moms anymore because they were just too careful with their babies. Being the laidback person she is, she always had a hard time finding topics to talk about with them, and she always felt like she was being judged by them. That whole, "I can't believe she gave her daughter a french fry!" sort of judgemental attitude I was talking about before, and I agree with her. It is hard to be around those people all the time.

(By the way, not to invite pity from anyone, but I was dumped by one of those judgemental overly-careful moms a few months ago. We are no longer friends, and I am not sure why. I don't think it is related to our mothering styles, but whether it is or not, I find that life is much easier with out her in it. I no longer need to worry about every little thing, and whether we are doing everything right or not, and let's research to find out if this is okay or not, and what if this happens, and what do you think of so and so who lets her kid eat french fries...I could go on and on about this little drama that played out in my life last fall, but I will spare you the details.)

Random but not thoughtless

I just re-read the little blurb at the top of my blog, and I was like - okay, that obviously has not been working for me. Old friends from the USA barely ever email me or correspond with me, and phone calls are as rare as a 3 dollar bill. I know some read it without commenting, and that is okay, but they could at least email once in while and let me know what they are up to. I should probably change the blurb to something else anyway. And, this sort of reminds me of my mutating Christmas card list which as way too many people on it, most of whom NEVER email, write, call, send Xmas cards or acknowledge our friendship in any way. Still, I keep the hope alive by sending them Christmas cards with the annual letter, but my hope is dying people. As the years go by, I have noticed that my Xmas list grows to include many foreign friends I have made in Japan, who do actually correspond with me on a more regular basis, but I still send cards to people from my past "hoping against hope" that it will inspire some sort of response to come my way. Rarely does it work, so I am hereby making the tough decision to cross them off the list. This is not a threat to any of you reading the blog...you see, I am sure if you know about my blog, then you are not one of those people. I am just venting a little bit here and wondering if others have the same problem.

Now, I am obsessed with many things, and I want to share them with you. My mom sometimes warns me when I "obsessing", and she is right. Maybe sharing with you will help me pull back a little.

1. Morning Routine Schedules and how to get everything done and get us out of the house on time.
2. Housekeeping schedule and how to keep the house relatively clean with little effort.
3. Hillary Clinton
4. Hillary and her health care plan
5. The fact that the democrats have offered up two candidates - a woman and a black man - and doesn't that mean our world is really changing? I shouldn't say "world" though because other countries do have female leaders. Doesn't that mean our country is really changing.
6. What Bill would be like as a "first lady". (Hopefully not as snippy as he has been lately.)
7. What Bill will look like in a red dress for the Fight Against Heart Disease campaign.
8. Blazers - looking to buy a couple of nice blazers for work, but can't find any on the racks yet.


Okay, that is only 8 things so I am doing pretty well this week. Here is what my husband seems to be obsessed about recently:

1. Himself
2. Food
3. Sleep and lack thereof
4. Sports
5. Making sure the baby doesn't get "dirty."
6. Making sure the baby doesn't get "hurt."
7. Smell Things

I warned him that I would blog about #7. He refers to anything like popourri, incense, room deoderizers, etc. as "smell things." So, whenever we go to the store, he always says we need to buy some smell things. It has been going on for so long an so often, that I forgot what these things are called in English. So, when I write a shopping list, I write "Smell Things" on it.

As for #5 and #6, can I just clarify that my husband thinks the baby will die or get seriously hurt (or dirty) at any given moment? And, when he is at home (which, thank god, is only in the early mornings and on weekends), he will not allow her to crawl around and explore the house for fear that she will ... god forbid ... get dirty. She is also not allowed to go near Max or touch him. So, he carries her around or keeps her confined to the couch, and when he can't do that, he puts her in the crib or playpen (and she screams and cries) or he hands her off to me. And, I am expected to carry her on my hip and do whatever the heck I am trying to do because anything is better than letting her crawl around. Of course, when he is not at home (and let's hope he doesn't read this), she has more freedom to explore, and since everything is child-proofed, there is little chance of her getting hurt. Okay, she might get some dog hair on her, and even some dust, but it's not going to kill her. Is it just my husband who obsesses about this? Or do others have similar experiences? Or am I just a really bad mother?

Ailin Stories

I know I don't write much about Ailin, but I thought maybe I should write a little bit about her sometimes. Here is something from just week.



Yesterday, Ailin was playing among her toys which were spread out on the living floor. She came upon Max's orange bone. She picked it up and looked over at Max, who was sleeping on the couch. Then, she crawled over to him, stood up, patted him on the back and handed him his bone. I was like, "watch that little brain work!!!"




Today, she went to daycare for the first time. She only had to stay for 2 hours. When I picked her up, her caregiver said that Ailin cried at first, but then they played some music and she was "singing" along to the music, and after that she was fine. As I was carrying her out to the elevator and we waited for the elevator, the first thing she said to me was, "Ma!" You know what that means, right? That was her first word, and no, it does not mean "Mama". She is talking about Max!

How They Met

I just want to call attention to my sister's blog. Her latest entry is the story of how our parents met, and it's pretty interesting. Please check it out! If you click on the title of this blog entry, it will take you to the right place, or just click on Hidden Passages in my Fave Blogs section.

Eating in General

Last fall, I wrote an article about cooking for my column ("Surviving Japan") in the AFWJ Journal. It has not been published yet because the editor misplaced it and neglected it to to put it in the December issue, so I am hoping it makes it in the February issue. Anyway, Deenster wrote about this topic on her blog recently, and I thought I would comment, but I had been considering writing about some of my recent discoveries regarding cooking. This is a topic I never tire of!

In my article, I focused on the evolution of my cooking repertoire and attitude especially in relation to a picky/critical Japanese husband. To be honest, it took me a long time to get to the point where I could actually write about it because I was so hyper-sensitive about the topic of cooking. So, in the article, I talked about my attitude towards cooking, being that I cook what I want to cook, and if Suk wants something in particular, he can make it on Sunday nights, which is traditionally HIS night to cook. (Or we can go to his mom's for dinner where she will cook whatever he requests.) Having a child has sort of lead to my appreciation of cooking much more though. Now, I want to challenge myself more because I have someone to cook for. Okay, okay, she can't eat most of the things I make, but for now, I am just in practice mode. I have tried the slow-cooker thing, but Suk hated almost everything that was made the slow cooker. I thought he was crazy, but my best friend (Shannon) admitted to hating slow cooker food as well. Guess he is not so crazy after all. So, then, I thought casseroles would be the way to go, especially in winter. However, casseroles are not so trendy these days. I did manage to procure a Casserole Cookbook from my grandma over the winter break. It was published in 1965 and is a collection of favorite recipes from Home Ec teachers. Well, if any of you can remember what Home Ec class was like in junior high, you might not want a book of recipes that your teacher recommended - no offense to anyone. And, since I am going back to work in a couple weeks, I too have been struck with the dilemma of what to cook quickly when I get home from work and still be able to hang out with my daughter, and also what can be prepared in advance. After some research and deliberation (and discussion with Suk about how best to carry this plan out.), I came up with the following:

I recently purchased the book "Saving Dinner" by one of the women who works for Flylady. I do not follow all of flylady's principles, but I was interested in some of her organizational tips, as well as this book. This book offers weekly menu plans for an entire year along with shopping lists for each week. The menu plans are seasonal based, so when you start using the book, begin in the season you are currently in. That way, the veggies you go to shop for are all in season. There are only 6 entrees per week as I think the author assumes that you go out to eat or order in at least once a week, or you have a special family recipe you would rather cook. Anyway, the beauty of it is the shopping list makes it easy for you to do all the shopping at once, and the recipes are very easy and they taste great!!!! If you had time, you could make menus and shopping lists yourself, which brings me to my next point.

Suk would probably not be happy (and it wouldn't be economical) if we ate American food every night for an entire year. So, I decided to alternate between American and Japanese. So, one week, I use the Saving Dinner book and the next week, I plan a menu of all Japanese foods. There are plenty of easy Japanese recipes out there - grilled fish, udon with store-bought tempura, braised chicken, etc. Nowadays, many things are ready-made such as the veggie mix for the braised chicken recipe.

After two weeks on this new shopping/cooking plan, here are my thoughts:
The Saving Dinner cookbook offers easy recipes that do not require tons of ingredients (my pet peeve) and are quite tasty. They work great as leftovers or for lunch the next day. Many of the recipes include some veggies within the main entree, which to you means "one-pot cooking." That is every busy person's dream, but they do suggest side dishes that you can serve as well - steamed veggies, salads, rolls. All very very simple side dishes, however if you don't have time to prepare that stuff, no one will miss it!! One thing that might help make things go quicker would be to get a food processor. Look over the recipes on Sunday night, and prep as much as possible ahead of time. For example, this week, every recipe required at least one diced onion. I would have liked to have diced all those onions at once so that I could just use them as I needed them. Also, prepping the veggies for steaming or for salads would have been nice. Then, I could have just thrown a few in the steamer or into a salad bowl while cooking the entree. Instead, this week, I just went without side dishes because I didn't have time to prepare them. To be honest though, we didn't feel like we were missing out. Dinners during the week don't really require all the bells and whistles, do they?

Cooking Japanese food was not so bad last week. I think only two of the recipes I used were brand new to me, and according to my "always-tell-the-truth-no-matter-what" husband, they turned out perfectly. I had purchased a "Basic Japanese Cooking" book in Japanese, and just used the photos to guide me along. I can read about 80% of the Japanese, so when I came across something I wasn't sure about, I just improvised. No big deal at all, and I was happy with everything.

In terms of making things that Ailin could eat, she wasn't able to try everything, but most of the Japanese food was okay for her. I let her try some of the American food from Saving dinner as well, but I still had to give her supplemental "just-for-Ailin" food.

One reason I am really excited about my new cooking plan is that I have finally started to lose weight since beginning it. Also, I am no longer drinking coke and that might have something to do with it, but losing weight only motivates me more to keep up with this cooking plan.

On Sunday nights, my husband is still in charge of cooking, and we usually go out to eat for one other meal on the weekends - lunch or Saturday dinner. Or, if I feel inspired and I offer (but only when I offer, there is never pressure from Suk) to cook on Saturday nights, I will make something extra special because that is the only time Suk can eat my cooking hot and fresh.

Eating Words

I know, I know...it's been a while and I had promised I would write more. I was going to write another update since it had been so long. One reason for neglecting to write is because my family apparently reads my blog, and they don't like it. So, I felt a little gun-shy about writing anything. However, I do like to write, and if they don't like it, no one is forcing them to read it. Out of respect to them though, I will try (once again) not to complain about anyone or write about "private" stuff.

What I wanted to write about today is my thoughts regarding motherhood. It is hard to believe that one year ago, I was waddling around, barely able to move, biding my time with activities like maternity swimming, reading novels, walking with the dog, etc. I could never find a comfortable position to sleep in and so was always tossing and turning all night. I also remember reading a novel about the ancestry of a Canadian family. It was a thick novel and took me about 3 weeks to get through, and at the time, I kept thinking, "Is this going to be the last book I read before becoming a mom...who knows when I will be able to read a book again, and here I am, wasting it on this piece of crap." Actually, the book wasn't so bad, but I could have spent that last 3 weeks reading 5 shorter (better, more exciting) novels rather than that sleeper.

Until that time, I often had conversations with friends about what kind of mom I would be and what my position was on various topics, such as breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Little did I know that I would be eating my words someday. I mean, warning to all moms-to-be...never say you won't do something, or my baby is going to be like this, or I believe this is the best way to blah, blah, blah unless you enjoy the taste of your words later on. And, I also remember chatting with friends about "other friends who do such and such with their babies and can you believe that???".

Here is a short list of what I am referring to...in my own life.

Topics that Divide
There are certain topics that people seem to feel strongly one way or the other about. Before being pregnant, I probably had no opinion about these topics, and then suddenly, after being pregnant, I was very opinionated about them. Then, I had the baby, and I realized there is so much gray area...you can't even see the light on these matters and therefore, it is better to shut up rather than go around lecturing your friends about the ins and outs of these topics.

1. Breastfeeding versus Bottle-feeding
Both methods nurture your baby. Both force you to hold or cuddle your baby. Both give your baby nourishment. Both have advantages and disadvantages. It doesn't help your friends when you admonish them for A. not being able to breastfeed, B. choosing to formula-feed, C. breastfeeding longer than one year, C. breastfeeding in public, D. not always wearing appropriate attire to nurse the baby in in a very modest way, E. deciding that pumping and having someone else feed the baby while you go have fun is just NOT your way. I am sure there is more I could say, but this is my way of reminding myself and others to "LET THEM BE!" Every mom makes her choices about feeding the baby, and they are just that...her choices.

2. Starting Solids at a Certain Age
Some start as early as 3 months. Others wait until 7 or 8 months. Either way, you are going to hear about it from someone. In the USA, the current recommendation is to wait until 7 months, and in Japan, the old way (our MIL's way) was to start at 3 months. Of course, Japanese doctors recommend 6 or 7 months, and by this time, your head is spinning! Oh, and then there is the issue about making all your own food (like a good little mommy) or buying pre-made stuff. Just to note, I have tasted the pre-made stuff, and your cooking will probably taste better, but if you have issues with time, pre-made stuff is always good to have around.

3. Sleeping No-cry/Cry it out
There are a thousand ways to soothe a baby to sleep, and everyone develops their own routine. Some people are against allowing their babies to cry, even for 3 minutes. Others don't seem to be bothered as long as the baby falls asleep after 5 minutes. I seem to be of the second school of thought, but Suk is most definitely of the first. So, each weekend, we are/were conflicted about what to do when she cries. Weekdays, thankfully, are not a problem since he is always working. As for people's feelings about this - what works for you at 3 months might not work for you at 10 minutes, so always be ready to "eat those words" and change what you are doing. (I just had to change part of this paragraph to present tense because, guess what, this is STILL an issue.

4. Co-Sleeping Versus Crib
Well, well, well...those accusatory questions that comes from friends (especially those who have not yet had babies) and family (who raised their children in the '70s), "You don't sleep together, do you? I mean, you want her sleeping with you when she is five?" I was one who said that my baby would love sleeping in her crib in her own room and that I definitely would need my own space. Then, I became a sleep-deprived, nursing mom, and suddenly sleeping next to my baby never looked so good. It took some convincing for my husband to allow this, and I even had to ask our pediatrician to speak with him about the benefits before he agreed that sleeping was important for me. We still do co-sleep, and she nurses throughout the night - waking several times to nurse and then fall asleep again. But, the main reason she does not sleep in her crib is because we never got around to buying an air conditioner/heater for her room, so in the summer it was too hot, and now it is too cold. Thus, we never had a chance to make the big transition. Advantages of co-sleeping though, for me, outweigh the disadvantages. Yes, we have a crib and it is very pretty. But, she screams bloody murder when we set her in it even for 10 seconds, so I am guessing that she doesn't love her crib.

5. Play pen versus Free play
I made that up...free play. In our house, free play means that one's toys are all over the floor, mixed in with the dog's chew toys, and both the dog and baby are playing with whatever they want, including the garbage can, Mom's address book, Mom's magazines, the TV remotes, etc. I bought the play pen so that she and her toys could be safe from the dog, and I said, "Not to worry. My baby will love being in her play pen because I will MAKE her love it." HA! She was okay when all she could do was lay there or sit there. Same with the crib. Once she could crawl and stand, she definitely prefers "free play." If you like hearing your kid scream bloody murder, put her in the play pen for more than 30 seconds.

I cannot think of more points at this time, but these are ones that constantly come up, even now. Ailin will be ONE in a couple weeks, and we are excitedly planning her birthday party. And, with that, I will go back to work on the day of her birthday. What a way to celebrate!!!!