Causes of Stress & Interferences (in the life of a foreign wife)

One of my main stress factors is that my husband is in the worst health, and he continues to go downhill. According to Kaz, I am the only one who allows this to stress me out. Okay, so from this day forward, I will no longer give a damn about my husband's diet, lack of exercise, lack of sleep, anxiety disorder, cavities, bad smoking habit, fatty liver, etc. Must I go on? I have managed to make him sound like a complete dolt to most of my friends.

For many foreign wives living in Japan, our stress factors include the following:
Lack of knowledge (of the language, the laws, the medical system, etc.)
Taking care of others
Household responsibilities
Making decisions (about medical care, education and money) for others
Dealing with children, especially sons
Dealing with Oedipus Complex (again, I may be the only one who feels this way!)
Lack of Time
Lack of Money
Limited job opportunities
Going on a vacation (to our hometowns, which is not nearly as relaxing as a real vacation might be.)
Having to be a "good girl" (a.k.a. being a wonderful wife, mother, housekeeper, daughter, friend, etc.)

Oh, the list goes on, but these seemed to be the major ones. Then, we talked about what interferes with our chosen methods of relaxation.

Many of the same things applied to this next list:
Lack of money
Lack of time
Sleep (Yes, sleep can interfere even though it would really be thought of as a method for relaxing.)
Demands from others
Guilt
Lack of knowledge (language, etc.)


If we can find our most preferred method for relaxation, we should consider what that is.

Mine is scrapbooking. I also enjoy reading, but that is mainly to help me relax enough to go to sleep or sit on the pot. Otherwise, I don't usually take the time to read during the day unless I am involved in a really good page-turner.

I often ask myself, "Mande, why the hell can't you take it upon yourself to exercise a bit?" I have so many excuses for not doing it. In fact, I could be using a newly-purchased-in-the-USA DVD to learn how to do dance aerobics or yoga, but instead, I am writing this blog.

These excuses are my "interferences":
I don't want to bother the neighbors downstairs by my potential thumping.
It's too cold in this apartment.
I would rather eat dinner and then do some scrapbooking.
I might like it too much.

Wait, was that last one an interference?

There are four areas of one's life that should be considered for managing stress, and a good balance is necessary:
Work
Shelter
Spiritual
Emotional

Work
I am nearly satisfied with my job, much moreso than many foreign wives I know. Teaching positions are becoming more and more restricted. I was lucky to get the job I got, and so I don't usually worry about it. I do find it stressful, but usually that is a good thing as it stretches my brain a bit. As Pamela Anderson says, "I don't mind playing dumb blondes. After all, a dumb blonde couldn't actually play a dumb blonde." If you read into that retarded statement, you would understand that she is actually pointing out the fact that she is NOT dumb. I don't mind being an Native English teacher in Japan because after all, a Native couldn't actually work as a Native English teacher.

Okay, that made NO sense whatsoever.

In any case, I am happy at work.

Shelter
We are moving to a new shelter, and we're busy preparing for the move. I am jumping out of my pants for that day to come!

Spiritual
Okay, so I never go to church. This is a problem, perhaps. I need to consider a bit more about what kind of spiritual life I would like and how I will pass this on to my kids. I think they need some kind of spiritual guidance, even if it is not the mainstream religions like christianity.

Emotional
I used to be a real mess in college. Now, I am okay, and I can talk to my husband about most things even if we do fight a lot. I think that one's emotional life always NEEDS some fixin' up. Not a day goes by when I don't assess issues going on my mind, but I think things are much better than they used to be. I am so much more adjusted to Japan now. My first year, I was sick all the time, constantly going to the doctor and quite depressed. But, I am much happier now.