Vices and more

Okay, I admit it. I am a already being a bad mother.

I like to drink coca-a-cola. And though I avoid drinking it every day, I can't help but indulge a few times a week. To be sure, on those days I try to avoid coffee.

Which brings me to another point - coffee consumption. I don't drink the real stuff (that nasty shit they make in our staff room at work tends to lead to sores all over the inside of my mouth), but I do drink Cafe Mocha (powder with hot water added), and when I go to a coffee shop (which you all know that I cannot stay away from even if I try), I often order a Cafe Mocha or something of that nature.

And speaking of mocha, I can't resist chocolate or chocolate chip cookies to this day. So, either I order one at the coffee shop or I bake them.

And when I don't get my cookie for the day, I go for a potato chips from the grocery store. Sometimes, I buy them on the way home from work and eat them as an after-school snack. Other times, my husband (who is so much worse than me) brings them home and eats them for this after-dinner snack. And, then when I get up in the morning, I eat the leftovers for my before-breakfast snack.

When I first realized I was preggers, I dug out my copies of "What to Eat When Expecting" and "What to Expect and Expecting." I faithfully tried the "diets" that they recommend, but that lasted about 2 days. It was shocking to me that a woman could last 9 months on such a restrictive diet. Then, I made the decision that I have quite enough stress in my life without having to add a diet to the mix. So, I stopped worrying so much, except that I still must be worrying because I am writing about it right now.

(And, yes I have to admit that I had a crying fit while visiting my parents in WI because I was so worried that I wasn't eating right. I kept talking about "retardation", and finally, my mom said, "Worrying about such a thing will only make it worse.")

And, then there is all the advice that random people give me.
"Don't gain more than 10kg because that is the rule in Japan."
"Be sure to listen to classical music a lot."
"Don't ride on any type of transportation."
"Don't ride your bicycle."

Today, I am going to do something really enjoyable. A reflexology hot stone massage (basically a foot/leg massage using essential oil and heated stones), and oh, this will feel so nice on my aching feet. This is the kind of vice I need much more of.

Update: I did go to my reflexology appointment, but they turned me away. Why, you say? Because this salon does not serve pregnant women. They explained that the oils absorb into the blood stream and can affect the fetus. Well, well, well...that is news to me. This wave of frustration came over me because I had been looking forward to this special treat for weeks. My feet, legs and hips hurt so badly that I just needed something (anything!) that would relieve the pain. I started crying right then and there, and I couldn't stop. When a white woman cries, her face gets all red and blotchy, her eyes turn a deep crimson, and there I was looking like someone had just told me my husband was killed. I left there and had to be real careful not to run into any students. I went straight to 31 Flavors and bought myself a six-pack of ice cream sandwiches (to share with Suk of course!).

By the way, I have been looking for a place that offers water aerobics for pregnant women, but the classes are always on weekday afternoons. I guess they assume that all pregnant women are also housewives. I am getting really tired of being told that I can't or shouldn't do something because I am pregnant.

Nonetheless, here is a website I found (http://www.essentialoils.co.za/pregnancy.htm) containing information about the essential oils you should avoid during pregnancy (which is in fact all of them). Since the place I go to specializes in Aromatherapy, they could not offer any of their other services to me, since they all involve oils. They told me to ask my doctor next time to recommend some places that cater to pregnant women. It is tough living in a country where the information is not necessarily at your fingertips. I feel so ignorant and illiterate at times.

Homegoing

Now, I can write about my visit to Wisconsin.

This time, I had three main goals.

1. To go shopping for maternity/baby items.
2. To spend time with family before I become a mom with responsibilities.
3. To spend time with Amy - a promise made last Christmas because we weren't able to meet at that time.

As for Number 1, before leaving Japan, I made sure to research a bit. I asked Wendy (a friend who had a baby last year) since these things would be fresh in her mind. I also joined an e-group for AFWJ that specializes in babies and children topics. I received lots of advice about necessary items. After returning, I have had to shop a bit on-line as I could not find everything I needed. Remember, I am from the boondocks, and the closest they had to a baby/maternity store was a Target.

As for Number 2, this was just my own selfish need to be babied one last time by my parents. I spent much of the time sleeping, napping and watching CNN. Dad and I took the dogs out for walk in the woods almost every day. Grandma & Grandpa took me out for lunch (at her favorite bar). Mom held a big family gathering and invited way too many people. I was usually so exhausted by 7pm that this party was more than I could handle. But, those bratwursts and hotdogs on the grill were so tasty!



As for Number 3, Amy is one of my dear friends whom I have known since our moms were in Homemakers together. She was slightly annoyed when I had no room in my schedule to meet her last Christmas, so we promised to spend some quality time together this summer. It was so worth it. We took her two boys camping in the wilderness of WI. Since Amy is married to a "foreigner" herself, she and I always have a lot to talk [complain] about.

Comments

I didn't realize that a pregnancy would inspire so many replies. Thank you for congratulating us. It is so much better than hearing things like, "Were you trying?", "Is this an accident?", "Are you sure?" In general, Japanese people are tickled pink when they hear of anything that will help to increase the birthrate, but these were some of the reactions of friends or family back home. Before I launch into a narrative of my trip home last month, I want to reply to some of the comments.

Grandma Feeds Beer to Grandbabies
Well, my grandma did this to me. I was probably not a little baby at the time, but I do remember approaching her with my little cup and asking for refill. She would fill it with about one sip of beer, and off I would go to drink it. Now, this was back in the days when seatbelts were not a requirement by law. And, when my grandma was babysitting me, she would take me with her to go barhopping. Before you faint from disbelief, there is a silver lining. Now, as an adult, I refuse her invitations to go barhopping. I did not turn into a alcoholic. And, I never became an uncontrollable teenager partying until I had to go to the ER to get my stomach pumped...like some of the kids I went to high school with. So, "illahee", don't fret too much if your MIL or mother lets your child try an occasional sip of something forbidden.

Kids Become Citizens of 2 Countries
I knew this fact, but it was not something my MIL knew about. I told her not to worry. In any case though, I was relieved to hear that Gina got her baby's passport within two weeks. I have to go to the USA next summer and be the Matron of Honor in Shannon's wedding, and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get a passport in time (that's 5 months after the birth). I guess I have no need to worry.

Mother-to-be Considers Becomes "Real" Mother
Gina recommends her doctor in Funabashi. I have a great doctor/clinic in Inage, and I was glad to see they offer epidurals. I hadn't considered NOT getting one until I showed the price to Suk, and his reaction was...get this...
"Mande, you should experience the pain of childbirth at least once in your life. That will make you a real mother." Who the f--- is he to talk? I almost died from holding in my laughter when I heard that. And, that comment really did not deserve a retort of any kind, so I left it at that.

Mother-to-be Swears like an SOB
This has nothing to do with the comments, but I want to note that I have taken to swearing a lot. And, not just your usual "shit" or "damn". It's much more colorful than that. Although I feel content and satisfied with my life right now, I have one issue which is related to work. There is someone that I work with who pisses the living shit out of me, and I cannot help but let it out in some way...healthy or not. My goal in life is to get rid of him before he takes over my responsibilities while I am on maternity leave. I would rather have someone new in the position then someone as assinine as him. I am an evil SOB. I know this to be true.

Deal with it

Last weekend, my in-laws held a family dinner at our condo to announce the fact that I am preggers. SIL (sister-in-law), her husband, and father-in-law were invited. MIL made an impressive array of celebratory Japanese foods, including Tai (a kind of fish whose name reminds people of the word "omedetai", which means "to want to celebrate.") and chawanmushi, a type of steamed custard with seafood inside. She said she had never made Tai before as she had never had anything to celebrate in the past. It was fun teaching her how to use my oven and showing her where all the tools are. However, I must admit that since we moved to this place, she usually ends up doing most of the cooking, as family gatherings almost always involve Japanese cuisine. Well, that said, we did appreciate her efforts and the food was wonderful. Photos to follow.

I am now 5 months pregnant, but SIL and the rest of the family were not let in on this secret at the insistence of MIL. Why, you ask? I thought a simple phone call would have sufficed (kind of like the one my mom got, and then it was word of mouth to the rest of the family from that point on), but MIL wanted to make a big deal of this special announcement. On that note, she planned this dinner which was to be held in September, and I figured that by then, we wouldn't need any "announcing" because it would be obvious.



Unfortunately, either these people are not that attuned or I am not that big yet. In any case, at the beginning of dinner and before the toasts, MIL served up the fish, which was dressed in a thick blanket of salt on both sides. Through the baking process, the salt had hardened, so my job (as Queen for the Day) was to use a wooden spoon to pound the fish until the salt broke. I had no idea this was coming, but when they made me do it and the salt blanket split in half, I was as pleased as a pretty little princess. See photo.







SIL's reactions went something like this.
"Oh my, pregnant? Well, we couldn't imagine why you had invited us over for dinner. You said you had something important to talk about, so we thought for sure that either you were getting divorced or transferred overseas. So, we thought that you were going to ask us to live in your condo. And, well, we thought, what the heck? Why not live there?" Nice, huh?

In any case, after getting lectured by Suk earlier that day, I made sure not to SAY A WORD whenever anyone said something that I even mildly disagreed with. Luckily, MIL kept her mouth shut and did not ask the usual questions.

MIL'S Usual Questions (and her opinions)
Will you be sending your child to a day care center or to a kindergarten? (because day-care centers are no good, really.)

What will you name the child? (because I think you should give him/her a name that can be pronounced in both languages.)

Will you be giving birth in Japan? (because I really think you should give birth in America so that child will have American citizenship.)

Will you find out if it is a boy or girl? (because I don't think you should. However, if you do, please do NOT tell me until the baby is born!)


She loves to ask questions and then give her opinions before I really have a chance to answer. So, I was glad that the only topic she brought up (since she knew her family would support her fully) was the notion of visiting a shrine during my 5th month to buy some kind of belt thing and pray for safety. Since I am Christian, and on principal, my husband is a converted Christian who has absolutely NO interest whatsoever in buddhist/shinto customs, I knew that he would not really encourage me to take part in such a custom. So, I sat there with my mouth shut, feigning interest in her explanation. Later, Suk told me that he was just waiting to see what my reaction would be because he, himself, had NO CLUE what the hell they were going on about. Since neither one of us seemed too excited about the prospect of visiting a shrine, MIL dropped the subject with a trailing off sentence about "Well, that's what I did when I was ..."

Don't get me wrong though. I am determined to get over my issues with MIL because I really want her to have a great relationship with my children, and I want my kids to jump for joy whenever they get to go over to Grandma's for a sleepover. They will not be able to do this so often with my parents, so I would never want to stand in the way of their relationship with MIL. So, we'll start with babysitting and go from there. I promise to trust her, even if her ways are a bit different from mine. I know she is great with Max, and Max practically has a seizure every time Grandma comes over to visit. And, she just "loves" it when I say, "Oh, Max. Look, Obaachan is here to see you!"

Science Experiment

Well, it has been a while. Due to a combination of laziness, busyness and Desperate Housewives Season 2, I have not been able to keep up with this blog. Now is the time to get back on the horse and write about my recent developments.

I am now in the process of growing a baby. When I read about that in books which refer to pregnancy as "growing a baby", I just have to laugh. It sounds like a really cool science experiment that you would do in your backyard. Oh, if growing a baby could only be so fun.

"Matt" as I like to call "it" is due to make his appearance on or around March 1st. I do not know if "Matt" is a boy or a girl, but one day when I was imagining what a wonderful kid my child would grow up to be, I imagined a good looking Asian kid that looked like a "Matt." Suk says this name will not be acceptable since MATTO doesn't sound like a Japanese name, it doesn't have a chinese character to match, and it sounds like a tatami mat. Oh well.

So, Matt it is NOT. But for now, "it" needs a name and Matt sounds pretty darn good to me.

So, I spent the summer suffering from continuous bouts of morning sickness, which meant that looking at a computer screen was the last thing I wanted to be doing. Thus the lack of blog entries. Then, I also suffered from a lack of topics. Oh, what is a knocked-up woman to write about besides her pain and suffering, her nervousness and moodiness, and her general obsession with baby-growing?

I promise not to post scanned photos of my ultrasounds. (And I promise not to email them to friends and family as well!) Looking at these is like looking at one of those weird calendars that were popular in the 1990s. Okay, that must be the backbone. No, wait, it's the ribs. Is that an eye or the back of the head? Oh, god, what the hell...put that damn thing away. For those of you unfamiliar with Japanese customs, we ladies in Japan get to undergo ultrasound at every doctor's visit. So, I have about 5 little ultrasound photos so far. And, don't even start lecturing me about how dangerous it is. I trust the Japanese medical system especially when it comes to babies - they take that shit very seriously. You see, the difference is in insurance coverage. In the USA, they tell you it is dangerous, but actually, the insurance companies refuse to cover more than one ultrasound during an entire pregnancy. In Japan, they'll cover anything that involves a photograph!

Last week, Suk and I were walking around and I tripped over a chain fence. I fell forward and put my hands out to protect my stomach, but I was still managed to injure my legs, arms & boobs. I was worried about Matt, and since I still felt pain a couple days later, I went to the doctor. He did, yet another, ultrasound and found that Matt was still growing and moving strong. Now, everyone tells me to avoid falling. As if I need to be told that!

At work, I announced the baby-growing situation to my English department last week, and before that I let the vice-principal, etc. know. Immediately, they began the process of finding my temporary replacement, and they told me that, by law, I must stop working on January 1 (8 weeks before Matt's due date). I was shocked by this, especially since I won't be receiving a salary, but then I thought - what the hell? I might as well enjoy the time off. I also plan to take a year off after Matt is born (without salary) because I can. I want to take advantage of this despite the fact that due to an incompetent co-worker, our department will go to hell in a handbasket if he stays on staff. Oh, pray that the fool gets fired soon!!!! Anyway, on top of all this, I have been banned from taking business trips and from riding my bike to school. Of course, my doctor said that I am perfectly capable of doing these things as long as I don't start bleeding. Well, that said, my school bosses are not changing their minds.

On a bright note though, Suk and I purchased a car (finally!) and he suggested that I drive it to work every day. So, now I need to get my license in Japan, and we will be all set. (Although my principal did not like this idea either!) They are just being way too careful. I am not that fragile...although I do wish Suk would think I am a little bit fragile.

That is all for now. I would like to write a lot more, but I think I will save the MIL complaints for next time.