Thanks for your comments about the last entry. Right now, I am reading a fiction novel about India called "The God of Small Things" by Arundhati Roy. I have to admit that I don't know much about Indian culture or history, so I feel a bit lost sometimes. However, this is a good way to learn.
It is so extremely hot in Japan these days. The rainy season is over, and now we are into the scorching summer. I can understand now why the ladies here often use parasols and wear long gloves to cover their arms. I, however, am not willing to go that far yet. Anyway, Shannon and Jill must have fond memories of how hot the temperature gets in July and August.
Update on our condo is that we were pre-approved for a loan, which is really great. We are deciding some last-minute design issues, but we won't be moving until next March. So, there won't be much news about that for a while. Shannon and Jill asked for some photos, so I'll put some digital photos of the model room which I sneakily took on the day we signed. If you click on the title of this post, you will be able to see the photos. (Remember that any title with three dots next to it means there is a link attached to it.) Also, here is the link for the condo's web site (http://www.home-plaza.jp/cgi-perl/room_plan.cgi?path=zephyr-inagekaigancrystal&thing_code=180019). You can look at the room lay out. Our room lay out is Letter G. You probably won't be able to read the web site as most of it is in Japanese, but you can see the pictures.
Currently, I am taking a 5-day seminar on teaching English. As you know, I am not a trained teacher, so I have to get training in any way I can, and it's best if it is free. In this case, Chiba Board of Education is sponsoring this seminar and I had to beg to be included because it is actually meant for Japanese teachers of English. I finally got permission to go, and it has been great so far. I am learning so much and I can't wait to try some of these methods on my students this fall. All of the seminars are taught by foreigners who are college instructors at a really innovative university here in Chiba. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my "career" this year, and I have decided through talking with various people that I should stay in the high school system. Before, I was thinking that I should get my Masters in TESOL and then get a job at a university. However, I am in a really good position at my high school and it is quite a high level school in terms of English. I have the potential to help make changes on this level, which in effect, has the potential to affect more students in the long run. For right now, I don't need to have a Masters to do this job, but I will keep it in mind for the future.
Other news is that although Yusuke and I are so low on money right now because it is going for condo-related and dog-related stuff, we are planning our trip to the USA at Christmas. It will be so nice to go home and see family, friends and our beloved Wisconsin. I never thought I would say this, but whenever anyone asks me where I am from, I get a BIG SMILE on my face and say "Wisconsin!" Also, whenever I mention Wisconsin during my classes, I smile wistfully. One of my students commented recently, "Wow, she must be so proud of her home state! She always seems so excited whenever the topic of Wisconsin comes up!" Does anyone else feel that way about their home state or home town? I mean, I know Shannon and Jill have both left Wisconsin so you might be able to relate. Or, Christine, how do you feel about New York? Anyway, I will give you more details about our trip as we decide what we'll be doing. We have to make reservations very early, so that's why we are already talking about it. Plus, I am just homesick and Yusuke desperately wants a vacation, so daydreaming about Christmas in Wisconsin makes us feel better.
That's all! I want updates from you all! Comment on the blog or write to me personally.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Designing Your Life
Have you ever thought about what kind of life you want? Really, really want? Did you think you could control how your life would turn out? Right now, we girls are at a turning point – late 20’s for my old, old friends – and we are on a cusp here. Unfortunately, if we had been wise, we would have started designing our lives way back in our teens.
So, when you were a teen, did you know what you wanted? Did you decide on your university based on the effect the location would have on your future? Did you plan for a career that would not only bring you monetary sustenance but also spiritual? (By spiritual, I mean self-satisfying, not religiously-satisfying).
I have been reading a book called “Not Your Mother’s Life” by Joan K. Peters, a professor and writer. This book reads like a textbook for a college Women’s Studies course, and I have been highlighting and writing notes in the margins just like a good college student should. But here’s the thing, this book says so much about our generation and the generation coming up behind us, and it would have been great to take a class in college entitled “The Realities of the Real World.” This book is for the up and coming generation of women who will be raising families – of women and men who have grown up with two working parents – of women who have realized that “doing it all” is not all it is cracked up to be – of men who realize that they don’t want to be an absentee father like their own was. Peters encourages people to think more strategically about their life choices. I think I have done some things right, according to this book, and in many ways, I feel my life still has a lot of potential for self-design. Nothing is set in stone yet. But, I want to write this blog to help you see the light also.
Before I begin, just to give you a little background information. I feel that Japanese society is operating in “America circa 1950”. They need time to catch up to where America is now, and it is understandable. Japan, is, after all, America’s little sister, born and bred on materialism and rock ‘n’ roll. However, modern Japan got a late start and it did not have the experiences of outright racism, multiculturalism, Civil Rights, Women’s Lib and so on. The foundation that Japanese society exists on is of two levels – a very traditional one that dates back centuries and a very modern one that constantly walks on shaky ground, subsisting on brand names, McDonald’s and Hollywood movies. So, they are still kind of stuck in this post-war era, no need for a Civil Rights movement, no apparent motivation for a Women’s movement and so on. The biggest issues in Japan are the Birth Rate Decrease and Educational Reform.
Birth Rate Decrease is an issue in most modern societies. It is expensive to raise children. It is scary to bring them up in an environment like this. In modern societies, people have a lot of choices, and kids are not always their top priority. For some reason, Japanese feel that birth rate decrease is a problem that needs to be solved, and one way to solve it is to make it easier for families to have children – they are slowly changing government laws to allow women longer maternity leave, building more day care centers, and so on.
One major problem in Japan is the hours that people have to work. Many husbands (not just Yusuke) come home every night past 10 or 11:00. Unless you are a teacher or a government employee, this is your life. In Yusuke’s case, he is actually working during these long hours. In many of his friends’ cases, they are also working this late. For older generations, it was the booming 80’s, and many company employees stayed out late drinking with clients or co-workers. This is a rare situation for Yusuke and his friends because these days, employees are trying to keep up with the demands of a job that 2 or 3 people should be doing, of deadlines one after another, of constant new information coming in via email and needing to be taken care of ASAP…or else what. In any case, everyone is afraid of getting get cut during this tight economy. Who wants to have more kids when A. you don’t have to because no one expects you to, and B. you are living in constant fear of getting fired?
I would like to imagine that life is very different in America. I would like to imagine that men come home at 5:30 every night, help cook dinner and take care of the kids, mow the lawn, take a walk with their wives, fix things, read to or play with the kids, put them to bed, have sex with their wives and then go to bed early. Wow! Sounds like a big day for anyone!
Unfortunately, from what I have heard and read over the past couple of years, life isn’t like that. People work odd hours. People work late. Couples work opposite schedules. Wives work late too. Dinner consists of frozen prepared meals. Professional Americans work an average of 12 hours a day, up from the legendary 8-hour days that we hear about all our lives. Yusuke works an average of 13 hours a day.
Designing your life is a method that you can begin using while still single. Think about the kind of lifestyle you would like to live. Include your fantasy husband and family in the picture. Include your neighborhood and house, your town and community. Is your extended family (or his) in the picture, offering support to you? Do your friends whom you’ve known since childhood live nearby? Is your house a large house in the suburbs or a flat in the refurbished industrial part of a city? Is the neighborhood similar to the one you grew up in? There are a myriad of possibilities for this life that you design, and your job is to try to make much of it happen.
Decisions you make early in life could affect whether you can make these things happen or not. Then there is the hard part – finding a husband, someone who will be an equal partner for life. That last part is really important.
According to the book, less masculine, but more sensitive men are becoming the dreamboats of the 21st century? Why? Because these types of men are supposedly not money-driven, success-driven – they are more willing to compromise. Most importantly, they understand the importance of balancing work life and personal life.
Basically, the premise of the book is to stress how important balancing is for both men and women. Women want to feel important too, and not just in the home. They want to work, to educate themselves, to contribute financially to the household. Many women practiced doing household tasks when they were little girls playing house, so for them, household tasks might seem to come naturally. The idea of being a superwoman came into play after Women’s Lib – the notion that women can do it all. But the truth is, they cannot, nor should they feel obliged to. Coming home after a long day at work, and then being responsible for cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids, merely because it comes so “naturally” to you – only to get up the next day and start all over – can only serve to wreak havoc on a woman’s emotions. Resentment might grow towards the husband, and the distance between them may grow also – to the point where he chooses to work later just to avoid her wrath. Don’t let this happen to you.
This book gives plenty of advice and anecdotes by real people who have made it work – the balance between work life and personal life for both the woman and man in a relationship. If the man is expected to share household and childcare responsibilities, he might very well take on the tasks with gusto. Either that, or it is just something he will have to get used to, and he will, if you ask him for help early on.
The writer also gives lots of information about current workforce laws and what companies are doing these days to ease the burden of their workers – especially companies where they have had to deal with high turn-over rates. It might surprise you to know that for every employee who quits, it costs up to three and one-half times that position’s yearly salary to replace that person. This means that it is much cheaper for companies to keep the employees they already have, so the writer gives advice about negotiating better benefits and work hours to fit your family situation. It goes for men also. There is really NO reason to work so much when there is always tomorrow! Why don’t more people understand this!?
One more thing, one chapter is devoted the topic of starting one’s own business. There are many organizations, which fund or give advice to women interested in starting their own businesses. Another chapter is devoted to women who are considering the fields of business, medicine or law.
This book was so inspirational to me. It has really made me think about some of the decisions I have made over the years, and also given me some ideas for dealing with my husband and his job – not to mention my job, since I do plan to keep working. I do think we made the right decision in moving to Japan (at least we are near someone’s parents) and living in the same area where Yusuke grew up. Our apartment is about a 10-minute bike ride to his parent’s place. Our new apartment will be very close as well, and we made the conscious decision to continue living near his parents, so that we could help each other in the future. Also, we live very close to my job, so I don’t have to waste time commuting. When we do have children someday, at least I will always be near them and can go to them quickly when needed. My job is more flexible than his, but he actually has flextime, which he doesn’t use nearly as much as he could. I am priming him for a change in that though. Perhaps he can handle more daily child-care responsibilities, especially in the mornings, in order to avoid being a weekend dad like so many fathers.
It takes one person at a time to make a great change in the world.
So, when you were a teen, did you know what you wanted? Did you decide on your university based on the effect the location would have on your future? Did you plan for a career that would not only bring you monetary sustenance but also spiritual? (By spiritual, I mean self-satisfying, not religiously-satisfying).
I have been reading a book called “Not Your Mother’s Life” by Joan K. Peters, a professor and writer. This book reads like a textbook for a college Women’s Studies course, and I have been highlighting and writing notes in the margins just like a good college student should. But here’s the thing, this book says so much about our generation and the generation coming up behind us, and it would have been great to take a class in college entitled “The Realities of the Real World.” This book is for the up and coming generation of women who will be raising families – of women and men who have grown up with two working parents – of women who have realized that “doing it all” is not all it is cracked up to be – of men who realize that they don’t want to be an absentee father like their own was. Peters encourages people to think more strategically about their life choices. I think I have done some things right, according to this book, and in many ways, I feel my life still has a lot of potential for self-design. Nothing is set in stone yet. But, I want to write this blog to help you see the light also.
Before I begin, just to give you a little background information. I feel that Japanese society is operating in “America circa 1950”. They need time to catch up to where America is now, and it is understandable. Japan, is, after all, America’s little sister, born and bred on materialism and rock ‘n’ roll. However, modern Japan got a late start and it did not have the experiences of outright racism, multiculturalism, Civil Rights, Women’s Lib and so on. The foundation that Japanese society exists on is of two levels – a very traditional one that dates back centuries and a very modern one that constantly walks on shaky ground, subsisting on brand names, McDonald’s and Hollywood movies. So, they are still kind of stuck in this post-war era, no need for a Civil Rights movement, no apparent motivation for a Women’s movement and so on. The biggest issues in Japan are the Birth Rate Decrease and Educational Reform.
Birth Rate Decrease is an issue in most modern societies. It is expensive to raise children. It is scary to bring them up in an environment like this. In modern societies, people have a lot of choices, and kids are not always their top priority. For some reason, Japanese feel that birth rate decrease is a problem that needs to be solved, and one way to solve it is to make it easier for families to have children – they are slowly changing government laws to allow women longer maternity leave, building more day care centers, and so on.
One major problem in Japan is the hours that people have to work. Many husbands (not just Yusuke) come home every night past 10 or 11:00. Unless you are a teacher or a government employee, this is your life. In Yusuke’s case, he is actually working during these long hours. In many of his friends’ cases, they are also working this late. For older generations, it was the booming 80’s, and many company employees stayed out late drinking with clients or co-workers. This is a rare situation for Yusuke and his friends because these days, employees are trying to keep up with the demands of a job that 2 or 3 people should be doing, of deadlines one after another, of constant new information coming in via email and needing to be taken care of ASAP…or else what. In any case, everyone is afraid of getting get cut during this tight economy. Who wants to have more kids when A. you don’t have to because no one expects you to, and B. you are living in constant fear of getting fired?
I would like to imagine that life is very different in America. I would like to imagine that men come home at 5:30 every night, help cook dinner and take care of the kids, mow the lawn, take a walk with their wives, fix things, read to or play with the kids, put them to bed, have sex with their wives and then go to bed early. Wow! Sounds like a big day for anyone!
Unfortunately, from what I have heard and read over the past couple of years, life isn’t like that. People work odd hours. People work late. Couples work opposite schedules. Wives work late too. Dinner consists of frozen prepared meals. Professional Americans work an average of 12 hours a day, up from the legendary 8-hour days that we hear about all our lives. Yusuke works an average of 13 hours a day.
Designing your life is a method that you can begin using while still single. Think about the kind of lifestyle you would like to live. Include your fantasy husband and family in the picture. Include your neighborhood and house, your town and community. Is your extended family (or his) in the picture, offering support to you? Do your friends whom you’ve known since childhood live nearby? Is your house a large house in the suburbs or a flat in the refurbished industrial part of a city? Is the neighborhood similar to the one you grew up in? There are a myriad of possibilities for this life that you design, and your job is to try to make much of it happen.
Decisions you make early in life could affect whether you can make these things happen or not. Then there is the hard part – finding a husband, someone who will be an equal partner for life. That last part is really important.
According to the book, less masculine, but more sensitive men are becoming the dreamboats of the 21st century? Why? Because these types of men are supposedly not money-driven, success-driven – they are more willing to compromise. Most importantly, they understand the importance of balancing work life and personal life.
Basically, the premise of the book is to stress how important balancing is for both men and women. Women want to feel important too, and not just in the home. They want to work, to educate themselves, to contribute financially to the household. Many women practiced doing household tasks when they were little girls playing house, so for them, household tasks might seem to come naturally. The idea of being a superwoman came into play after Women’s Lib – the notion that women can do it all. But the truth is, they cannot, nor should they feel obliged to. Coming home after a long day at work, and then being responsible for cooking, cleaning and taking care of the kids, merely because it comes so “naturally” to you – only to get up the next day and start all over – can only serve to wreak havoc on a woman’s emotions. Resentment might grow towards the husband, and the distance between them may grow also – to the point where he chooses to work later just to avoid her wrath. Don’t let this happen to you.
This book gives plenty of advice and anecdotes by real people who have made it work – the balance between work life and personal life for both the woman and man in a relationship. If the man is expected to share household and childcare responsibilities, he might very well take on the tasks with gusto. Either that, or it is just something he will have to get used to, and he will, if you ask him for help early on.
The writer also gives lots of information about current workforce laws and what companies are doing these days to ease the burden of their workers – especially companies where they have had to deal with high turn-over rates. It might surprise you to know that for every employee who quits, it costs up to three and one-half times that position’s yearly salary to replace that person. This means that it is much cheaper for companies to keep the employees they already have, so the writer gives advice about negotiating better benefits and work hours to fit your family situation. It goes for men also. There is really NO reason to work so much when there is always tomorrow! Why don’t more people understand this!?
One more thing, one chapter is devoted the topic of starting one’s own business. There are many organizations, which fund or give advice to women interested in starting their own businesses. Another chapter is devoted to women who are considering the fields of business, medicine or law.
This book was so inspirational to me. It has really made me think about some of the decisions I have made over the years, and also given me some ideas for dealing with my husband and his job – not to mention my job, since I do plan to keep working. I do think we made the right decision in moving to Japan (at least we are near someone’s parents) and living in the same area where Yusuke grew up. Our apartment is about a 10-minute bike ride to his parent’s place. Our new apartment will be very close as well, and we made the conscious decision to continue living near his parents, so that we could help each other in the future. Also, we live very close to my job, so I don’t have to waste time commuting. When we do have children someday, at least I will always be near them and can go to them quickly when needed. My job is more flexible than his, but he actually has flextime, which he doesn’t use nearly as much as he could. I am priming him for a change in that though. Perhaps he can handle more daily child-care responsibilities, especially in the mornings, in order to avoid being a weekend dad like so many fathers.
It takes one person at a time to make a great change in the world.
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