Eating Words

I know, I know...it's been a while and I had promised I would write more. I was going to write another update since it had been so long. One reason for neglecting to write is because my family apparently reads my blog, and they don't like it. So, I felt a little gun-shy about writing anything. However, I do like to write, and if they don't like it, no one is forcing them to read it. Out of respect to them though, I will try (once again) not to complain about anyone or write about "private" stuff.

What I wanted to write about today is my thoughts regarding motherhood. It is hard to believe that one year ago, I was waddling around, barely able to move, biding my time with activities like maternity swimming, reading novels, walking with the dog, etc. I could never find a comfortable position to sleep in and so was always tossing and turning all night. I also remember reading a novel about the ancestry of a Canadian family. It was a thick novel and took me about 3 weeks to get through, and at the time, I kept thinking, "Is this going to be the last book I read before becoming a mom...who knows when I will be able to read a book again, and here I am, wasting it on this piece of crap." Actually, the book wasn't so bad, but I could have spent that last 3 weeks reading 5 shorter (better, more exciting) novels rather than that sleeper.

Until that time, I often had conversations with friends about what kind of mom I would be and what my position was on various topics, such as breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Little did I know that I would be eating my words someday. I mean, warning to all moms-to-be...never say you won't do something, or my baby is going to be like this, or I believe this is the best way to blah, blah, blah unless you enjoy the taste of your words later on. And, I also remember chatting with friends about "other friends who do such and such with their babies and can you believe that???".

Here is a short list of what I am referring to...in my own life.

Topics that Divide
There are certain topics that people seem to feel strongly one way or the other about. Before being pregnant, I probably had no opinion about these topics, and then suddenly, after being pregnant, I was very opinionated about them. Then, I had the baby, and I realized there is so much gray area...you can't even see the light on these matters and therefore, it is better to shut up rather than go around lecturing your friends about the ins and outs of these topics.

1. Breastfeeding versus Bottle-feeding
Both methods nurture your baby. Both force you to hold or cuddle your baby. Both give your baby nourishment. Both have advantages and disadvantages. It doesn't help your friends when you admonish them for A. not being able to breastfeed, B. choosing to formula-feed, C. breastfeeding longer than one year, C. breastfeeding in public, D. not always wearing appropriate attire to nurse the baby in in a very modest way, E. deciding that pumping and having someone else feed the baby while you go have fun is just NOT your way. I am sure there is more I could say, but this is my way of reminding myself and others to "LET THEM BE!" Every mom makes her choices about feeding the baby, and they are just that...her choices.

2. Starting Solids at a Certain Age
Some start as early as 3 months. Others wait until 7 or 8 months. Either way, you are going to hear about it from someone. In the USA, the current recommendation is to wait until 7 months, and in Japan, the old way (our MIL's way) was to start at 3 months. Of course, Japanese doctors recommend 6 or 7 months, and by this time, your head is spinning! Oh, and then there is the issue about making all your own food (like a good little mommy) or buying pre-made stuff. Just to note, I have tasted the pre-made stuff, and your cooking will probably taste better, but if you have issues with time, pre-made stuff is always good to have around.

3. Sleeping No-cry/Cry it out
There are a thousand ways to soothe a baby to sleep, and everyone develops their own routine. Some people are against allowing their babies to cry, even for 3 minutes. Others don't seem to be bothered as long as the baby falls asleep after 5 minutes. I seem to be of the second school of thought, but Suk is most definitely of the first. So, each weekend, we are/were conflicted about what to do when she cries. Weekdays, thankfully, are not a problem since he is always working. As for people's feelings about this - what works for you at 3 months might not work for you at 10 minutes, so always be ready to "eat those words" and change what you are doing. (I just had to change part of this paragraph to present tense because, guess what, this is STILL an issue.

4. Co-Sleeping Versus Crib
Well, well, well...those accusatory questions that comes from friends (especially those who have not yet had babies) and family (who raised their children in the '70s), "You don't sleep together, do you? I mean, you want her sleeping with you when she is five?" I was one who said that my baby would love sleeping in her crib in her own room and that I definitely would need my own space. Then, I became a sleep-deprived, nursing mom, and suddenly sleeping next to my baby never looked so good. It took some convincing for my husband to allow this, and I even had to ask our pediatrician to speak with him about the benefits before he agreed that sleeping was important for me. We still do co-sleep, and she nurses throughout the night - waking several times to nurse and then fall asleep again. But, the main reason she does not sleep in her crib is because we never got around to buying an air conditioner/heater for her room, so in the summer it was too hot, and now it is too cold. Thus, we never had a chance to make the big transition. Advantages of co-sleeping though, for me, outweigh the disadvantages. Yes, we have a crib and it is very pretty. But, she screams bloody murder when we set her in it even for 10 seconds, so I am guessing that she doesn't love her crib.

5. Play pen versus Free play
I made that up...free play. In our house, free play means that one's toys are all over the floor, mixed in with the dog's chew toys, and both the dog and baby are playing with whatever they want, including the garbage can, Mom's address book, Mom's magazines, the TV remotes, etc. I bought the play pen so that she and her toys could be safe from the dog, and I said, "Not to worry. My baby will love being in her play pen because I will MAKE her love it." HA! She was okay when all she could do was lay there or sit there. Same with the crib. Once she could crawl and stand, she definitely prefers "free play." If you like hearing your kid scream bloody murder, put her in the play pen for more than 30 seconds.

I cannot think of more points at this time, but these are ones that constantly come up, even now. Ailin will be ONE in a couple weeks, and we are excitedly planning her birthday party. And, with that, I will go back to work on the day of her birthday. What a way to celebrate!!!!