Mande's J-Life

Debut and Good-Bye Mande's J-Life

2009-01-09T22:08:00.004+09:00

This is to let people know that I am officially planning to close this blog down at the end of January. It will no longer be available for viewing, but I started a new blog called "working mom in japan", and you can still access it through my profile.

Nonetheless, the new blog's address is http://workingmominjapan.blogspot.com/. I still need a place to write, and I wanted to go in different direction.

Thank you to those friends who were always encouraging of Mande's J-Life and said they enjoyed reading it. Please continue to read on my new blog. I look forward to seeing you there!

Thanks,
Mande

Friends

2008-08-20T16:21:00.004+09:00

I normally hate getting forwards from people, but recently got a nice, concise one from my friend, Sara. I want to include it here because it goes nicely with my "Break Up" theme.

There comes a point in your life when you realize

who matters,

who never did,

who won't anymore...

and who always will.

So, don't worry about people from your past,

there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

Give this heart to everyone you don't want to lose in 2008,

including me, if you care.

Try to collect 12; it's not easy!

No, I am not going to forward it to 12 people who I don't want to lose in the year 2008. That is dumb. But, I do want to comment on a few things.

First, after posting my last entry, certain friends who are close to me and who knew about the situation, told me that it was too obvious. Well, I know when I am being obvious in my writing, but do I really care whether "Lara" reads it or not. There is no chance that Lara and I will ever be friends again, and I don't feel that I said anything particularly negative about her. Despite what happened, she is still a decent person and I am sure she is living a happy life. I think I made that quite clear in my entry.

Second, I alluded to a second break up which happened quite recently. I want to write about it in the worst way, but these same friends advised me not to. For one thing, it is too recent and still a bit raw (though not nearly as raw as the Lara thing left me). Also, there is a possibility that this person and I will make amends and begin our friendship anew. After all, we knew each other and were close for a long time before our friendship exploded into a million pieces. These friends advised that no matter what I write and how subtle I try to be, there is also the chance that it will be read by the person in question and that certain details about my workplace will be revealed. When it comes to my place of work, I would certainly not want this to get out. God forbid that one of my students were to read about it. So, because of these reasons, I cannot write the story of Break Up Chapter 2. Just try to imagine my pain and broken-heartedness, and think of all the people you have hurt in your past.

Tangent Warning:
I have hurt people too. (Mostly ex-boyfriends or guys who claimed to like me, and I certainly never cared much at the time.) But, during college, I became overwhelmed by the thought of breaking other people's hearts because someone (we'll call him C) broke my heart. It was partly my fault and I take full responsibility for some of the dumb choices I made, but when C finally dumped me for another girl (whom he eventually married and has kids with), I was stunned. I had never expected such a thing to happen to me. For several months, I attempted to lay low. I didn't want to date for fear of breaking someone's heart. I looked back on my past and regretted all the hearts I had left in the dust (all 3 of them). Then, I slowly got back in the saddle and started dating again, but lo and behold, the guy screwed me over. Then, it happened again, and I saw how easy it was for guys to screw over girls. I thought, "if they can do it, so can I!" So, I went on this rampage and started breaking hearts all over the place...only I don't think I was actually breaking any hearts. I doubt they were all that attached to me anyway, but I made sure to screw them over before they could beat me to the punch. This became tiring after a while. It comes so easy for guys (more power to them), but it just wasn't for me. Okay, why am I even talking about this? Obviously, you all know the end of the story. I eventually got back together with my high school "boyfriend" who I met while studying abroad in Japan and married him. So, none of that stuff mattered in the end.
End of Tangent

What is my point? Oh yeah, friends.

Keeping friends and losing friends is all a part of life. Although it's fun to wonder what would have happened if you had stayed in touch with so and so, it really doesn't matter. I once heard that a person can only manage 7 close friendships at a time. So, if you have 7 close friends and you meet someone new, most likely, you will end up distancing yourself from one of your current 7 in order to spend more time with your new friend. (I know you are now counting on your fingers right now!)

I actually agree with this theory. Do you?

Breaking up - Chapter 1

2008-07-28T22:33:00.003+09:00

I am going to do something I rarely do. I am going to write about 2 incidences in my life which broke my heart and caused two friendships to come to an end. I know this happens to everyone at some point or another...well, at least I do hope I am not the only one to experience such a thing. My husband seems to think it is rare because he, himself, claims to have no "enemies."

Well, I certainly wouldn't go so far as to call these two people my enemies, but they are indeed friends whose friendship is no longer available to me for whatever reason. I word that as if I am a needy person, but I also hope that is not the case.

Case #1
I'll call her Lara to protect her identity.

Lara and I met through a foreign wives' group at a time when we were both pregnant. Very nervous and anxious first-time moms-to-be, we found we had a lot in common, and for one year, we were, for lack of better phrasing, attached at the hip. We shared many things between us: tips, great web sites, woes, complaints, ideas, encouragement, funny stories about our husbands and babies, mother-in-law horror stories, etc. She seemed so smart and resourceful. For example, before buying something, she always fully researched the product and decided whether it was worth buying or not. She was also very soft-spoken and gentle when in public, but in private, she had very strong opinions about everything. I found that intriguing. I couldn't pretend to be so gentle in public.

She also had weaknesses (don't we all?). Hers was Japanese. She probably could speak and understand more than she let on, but she tended to depend on others to translate for her and help her out in a variety of situations. I, supposedly being better at Japanese, was often called upon to help her out. And, I did help as much as possible because she was my friend.

One year passed since we had met. At that time, I was having a lot of problems with my husband and we were seriously discussing "you-know-what." (Things are much better now, so don't be alarmed.) Anyway, I mentioned our issues to her a few times, and when it got really bad, I did call her up crying once or twice. But, isn't that what you can do with your friends...cry on their shoulders?

During the period of time when my situation with my husband was at it's worst (we had almost but not quite reached a turning point in our marriage), Lara began acting strange around me. She began to do the things that you typically do when you no longer want to hang out with someone but you are afraid to say so. I am not naive, so I noticed it immediately. And, I called her on it.

Through several emails exchanged between us, she admitted that she wanted to limit her time spent with me because the problems I had with my marriage were stressing her out. Perhaps my initial reaction to this was more of an over-reaction because her next move was to quit the playgroup we had started together. Then, quit other groups we both belonged to as well. Then, just drop out of my life as if she never knew me. What was my initial reaction? Well, I suggested that we only discuss playgroup-related stuff from now on if talking about personal things made her feel bad.

Well, one issue here is the lack of face-to-face communication. Though I tried to call her a few times, she never picked up. Our communication on this matter was done only through email, which very quickly could have turned into stalking since it was so obvious she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. So, on the advice of my husband and other friends, I stopped trying to make amends with her.

What I needed to do was go on with my life. I wanted to enjoy the remainder of my child-care-leave year with my daughter and dog. I needed to start preparing mentally for going back to work and becoming a working mom. And, I needed to continue managing the playgroup Lara and I had created together, and I needed to leave it in the hands of someone who could continue it after I return to work.

But, the fact remains, my heart was broken. For months, whenever I thought of Lara, I felt angry. I also felt sad and embarrassed. How could I explain this to my playgroup members? Lara didn't even bother to say goodbye to them in person. I kept wondering what I would do if I ran into her on accident since we live so close and shop at many of the same stores, but in the past year, I have never seen her. Perhaps she runs the other way when she sees me coming.

By the time I went back to work, about 5 months later, I finally reached a point where I didn't think about her every day and wonder what the hell I could have done differently. At work, my mind was occupied by other things, and my days were so busy that I no longer had time to be angry at people.

The one thing I did learn from this situation though was how supportive some people had the capacity to be. The people in my life who really do care for me, were there to listen and give their support. Mostly, it was my husband who actually sat and listened for the first time in a long while. He tried his best to give reasonable advice, and he often asked for updates to show that he cared or was thinking of me. And, he knew that in some weird way, this was partly his fault for if we hadn't been having marital problems, Lara would still be my friend. Or would she?

I will never know, but one thing I do know is that in an even weirder way, it gave my husband a chance to show his love for me and that was helpful for our marriage.

So, Lara, if you are out there, which I highly doubt, but I want to say thank you for being a bad friend because sometimes, that is what people need to grow and learn.

New Challenges & Complaints

2008-07-25T21:29:00.000+09:00

I see that my old friend Craig has finally started writing again, and I quite enjoyed reading his blog. He has a quite a nice writing style when he is not writing about computers. That is not a diss. It's just that not everyone can understand all that techno-babble.

I am still working on various projects, and because I am spread too thin, I am afraid to say that my projects are not making much progress. Slowly but surely - well, a better way to describe it would be "1 step forward, 2 steps back." I probably shouldn't commit myself to so much stuff. What is funny though is when my husband questions my "busy schedule" saying he can't imagine what could possibly keep me so busy in the evenings.

Well, let me just say that I am way to busy to even sit down and write a list of all the tasks I have to accomplish each night while trying to squeeze in just a little bit of project time each day as well. Even though he seems to have no idea what I've been up to, I want to slap him when he says such things.

Well, here is what I have been up to:
1. Volunteering for AFWJ as their newsletter editor for the Kanto District
2. Volunteering for the Convention 2009 committee which will take place in Chiba
3. Still working on creating the Bilingual Kids Club
4. Still trying to develop the on-line magazine, which is much much harder than I thought.
5. Updatng my 2008 Chronological family scrapbook each month
6. Planning this summer's trip to Wisconsin
7. Exercising to shed some baby weight - (of course, this doesn't work well when your husband buys a huge bag of chocolate at Costco and then leaves it on the table...)
8. Watching the first season dvd of Beverly Hills 90210 (Hey, I remember wearing flourescent biker shorts and thinking I was so cool.)

I would advise myself to drop something from the list, but I know that some of this will end at some point.

Of course, there is also daily chores like laundry (Japan with its obsession of using balconies merely as places to hang ones laundry!), preparing Ailin's stuff for daycare, dinner-related chores, etc.

Well, I have a beef with TV shows that I grew up with such as the Cosby Show. Okay, Claire was a lawyer who always left work at work and each night she came home at the same time to a perfectly kept home, a stocked fridge & a present husband. Cliff was a doctor who only worked the occasional odd shift when delivering a baby in the middle of the night, but that never took long and he was always back home for the next scene. He never seemed stressed out, and the family had plenty of time to banter (or communicate) and deal with their daily issues (however big or small). I have a few questions.

Where was their cleaning lady? How come we never saw her? When & how often did she come to clean the house?

Who did the grocery shopping for all those kids? How did Claire always know what to make for dinner?

What about laundry? They must have gone through a lot! Did the invisible cleaning woman take care of that too?

The 80's really pisses me off. Where do they get off portraying the working woman as someone who could do it all without the help of, well, a paid staff.

And, just one more thing...I was complaining to my mom one day about how I needed someone to come in and help with laundry and cleaning - there are always things that just never get done. I said I wanted to spend my weekends enjoying my time with my family - why should I have to be down on my knees cleaning out bathroom drains with a toothbrush? And, putting away a week's worth of laundry that has been piling up on my bedroom floor?

She said, "You need a wife. Those are the things that wives do, and that's what you need."

Ha ha, Mom.

GWL Challenge - Weigh in & Scores for Week 6

2008-06-03T21:24:00.004+09:00

Though we continued to weigh in each week, we were unable to do the sports challenges consistently. For one thing, Jeff had a family emergency and had to go back to the USA for a week or two. We couldn't possibly perform challenges and keep score without him, however we did "play" some tennis once. I put play in quotes because Karl and I both su-u-u-uck when it comes to playing tennis, and we got more exercise from chasing balls around the court.

Week 6 results meant that a winner would be declared. Here are the results:

Jeff - down 2 kg
Karl - down 6 kg
Paul - down 7 kg
Mande - down 200 grams

Last week, we also went to the batting cages. It was my first time, and admittedly, I do suck at this sport as well. It was fun though. I have no form when it comes to hitting a ball with a bat.

Update on our GWL challenge:
I started this entry in May, and am now finishing it up. Our wonderful plan sort of lost it's potency when some people didn't want try out certain activities, such as ice skating and running. (Okay, I admit that I was the one who didn't want to go running, but I could have wiped the floor with them in the ice rink!!) Anyway, it sort of started to fizzle out, but the guys were doing so well on their own. Each of them made extra time to exercise each day, and they were really watching their diets. Each of the guys was steadily losing weight each week while I stayed the same.

The only things I lost were my drive, my confidence and finally, my interest. I knew that I needed more, but felt frustrated that I couldn't make more time for exercise. Meanwhile, the guys decided to start working on their muscles now that they had more control of their "fat." They did the 2-week trial period at Gold's Gym (yes, we have one right here in Makuhari!) and fell in love with the place. Now, they have bought memberships and are well on their way to becoming muscle men.

(Meanwhile, I have fallen off the wagon and am back to eating chips and drinking coke. But, that is a story for another time.)

GWL Challenge - Weigh in & Scores for Week 1

2008-04-26T00:31:00.002+09:00

It was suggested that I actually post the weigh-in results and scores each week. Okay, if you insist...JEFF!!!

Week One - Weigh-in
Karl - lost 2 kg
Jeff - lost 2 kg
Mande - no change
Paul - lost 3 kg

Week One - Golf Challenge Competition
Karl - 20 points
Jeff - 14 points
Mande - 14 points
Paul - 8 points

Next challenge - Batting cages!!!!

GWL Challenge #1 - Golf

2008-04-24T14:24:00.002+09:00

From front to back: Jeff, Paul, Mande & Karl

The Gaijin Weight Loss Challenge kicked off last night with our first Wednesday activity. We went to the driving range in Makuhari to hit golf balls. I used to do this as a stress reliever back in my bachelorette days, but I had not touched a golf club in 8 years! To be honest, I had to ask Jeff for some pointers on how to hold the club and how to swing properly.

While Paul had never swung a club in his life (Tennis is his sport of choice.), and Karl apparently had gone to driving ranges in the past, Jeff was the pro among us. He used to be really into golf and he actually owns a set of clubs.

Jeff in all his glory

Let's get down to business here. Makuhari's driving range has free parking and charges 500 yen for unlimited usage. You can rent a club for 200 yen. And, you can fill your basket with golf balls - 600 yen for 55 balls if you use the 2nd floor, and 50 balls if you use the 1st floor.

The weather was perfect, the company was swell, and a good time was had by all, except maybe Paul, who hit the golf ball machine more times than he hit the ball, and who took longer to get through his basket because he kept missing. Even though we gave him shit for sucking so bad, we assured him that he would kick our asses in tennis.

Paul - wishing it was a tennis racket

Boys will be boys, so as you can imagine, they wanted to use the last of our balls to make a competition. We could earn points based on the "straightness" of our drives, first using a wood, and then using an iron. Being the only girl, I couldn't care less about points and was much more worried about relationships and how everyone is "feeling." But, screw that, I won 2nd place in the wood compe, and 3rd place in the iron compe. I have no idea what we are earning these points for...but we'll have to think of something. They are already brainstorming about good competitions for upcoming sports.

Mande getting ready to go pro

The Gaijin Weight Loss Challenge

2008-04-22T09:41:00.002+09:00

Last week, we gaijin (a.k.a my colleagues and I) were sitting around complaining about our weight and lack of control when we suddenly decided to start a group challenge, similar to that on the TV show, The Biggest Loser. I have never seen this show, but Karl has, and I suppose that is how this idea came about.

First, we had a "weigh in" and everyone got weighed and Karl put our weights on a chart. Each Thursday will be our "weigh in" day. On Wednesdays, after school, we will challenge ourselves to a fun, but active sport. Our first will be a driving range - hitting golf balls for an hour will be a good workout, but not too strenuous for us fatties.

We have plans for each Wednesday for the next 6 weeks, and they include going to a batting cage, rock wall climbing, ice skating, swimming, throwing frisbee, etc. (We do have some alternative activities in mind as well.) Then, we decided to do mini-challenges on Mondays after school as well. These are less extreme, but basically consist of activities like ping pong, tennis, basketball, brisk walk along the beach, etc...basically, anything we can do on or near the school premise.

Each person has to manage their diets individually, be together we will try out these challenges. I have never tried some of these sports before, so it will be fun to do with a group of people.

At the 6 week check point, we are going to determine who is the biggest loser at that point. Then, we plan to go out to lunch at a nearby restaurant - one of those healthy buffet places - and we will treat the biggest loser to lunch.

Then, if things are going well and we are up for it, we will continue on with another 6 week round.

One of the great benefits of this weight loss challenge is the opporunity to try out some activities that I would never have the guts to do on my own. Of course, my over-worked husband is usually not interested in trying these things with me, and even if he was, weekends are nearly impossible with the crowds! Plus, if I go about these activities with my colleagues (for example, going to a driving range for the first time in Japan), it gives me a chance to find out where it is, how to get there, details like cost and rental fees, etc. So, next time, if I want to go there alone or with my husband, it won't seem so daunting.

Doing things for the first time in a foreign country is often daunting, and I think this will be a good way to break down some barriers which have existed in my life since moving to Japan. In fact, just in the last week, through our quick research and pooling of resources, we realized that there is a driving range, a batting cage, an ice rink, a rock climbing wall, and ping pong courts right in the area where our school is located!! We never realized this before!!! Plus, our school is one block from the beach and sea-side park - perfect for jogs, brisk walks and frisbee-throwing.

Well, let's see if I can manage to lose the 10 kg I have yet to lose since getting pregnant. (I have only lost 8 kg so far since having the baby over a year ago!)　

Not an Update

2008-04-22T09:25:00.003+09:00

And, I was doing so well for a while! Time really gets away from you when you suddenly go back to work and have a million other things going on. I really don't want to turn this into an update, but I'll just write briefly about what is currently happening.

1. Ailin loves her new day care. She has been there for almost one month and she seemed to like it from the first day.

2. Work is going splendidly...classes started a couple weeks ago, and most of them are going well. One class is giving me a bit of trouble, but I am not sure of the reason yet. Either the kids are "dumbasses" or I am making several small mistakes which lead to lesson plans not going as well as expected. I am sure it is a mixture of both.

3. A friend and I are are getting ready to launch a co-operative learning group called Bilingual Kids Club. We are planning to meet on Saturday mornings each week, and are still in the process of gathering enough members and finding the best location for the group. We are hoping to start meeting in May after Golden Week. Fingers crossed. It's harder to find members than I thought. I imagined that people would jump at the chance to join the BKC, as other groups like this exist throughout Japan, and some even have waiting lists. I think that once we get going, more people might be interested in joining...well, I hope that's what will happen.

4. I am also preparing to launch an on-line magazine, but am still working on the technical aspect of building my web site. I also need to recruit more writers, but have not been so active in doing that lately. I have so little time at night to work on my personal stuff, and I am often too tired to do much - I mean, everything takes a back seat to laundry these days. Anyway, as I get this web site built, I would like to put an open call out there to potential writers - if you live in Japan and want to write for this magazine which will be geared towards "gaijin", especially men and women who are in a relationship with Japanese, please contact me. I would like to see writing samples or a reference to other things you have written, and I will send information to you about my plans for the magazine along with the types of columns and articles I am looking for. Just email me privately!

5. The Gaijin Weight Loss Challenge - this topic deserves its own entry, so I will wait until later. But, in your mind, just imagine something like the TV Show, The Biggest Loser.

6. This is it for now. Like I said, this is not an update!

Miso Pork Butt and Other Things

2008-03-07T20:16:00.002+09:00

My new scheme of weekly menu planning and cooking American and Japanese on alternate weeks is working all right. Not as much food is wasted, and less complaining from Suk. However, many of the recipes I have been using are brand new to me. I got a recipe from the AFWJ cookbook called Miso Pork Butt. It sounded appetizing...I mean, who doesn't want to eat Pig Butt? Suk thought it was hilarious that I was going around the meat section of the store asking them where the pork butt is located. They corrected me by telling me it was actually the pork thigh. So what? Pork Butt is much funner to say. So, anyway, I made the pork butt for the first ... and last ... time. Remember this, folks. Never ever cook miso. There is a reason why miso is always added last when cooking soup or miso based sauces. In fact, it is added last, after the heat has been turned off. In this case, according to said recipe, I was supposed to make a sauce using miso, pour it over the pork butt, and then let it simmer in the pot for 2 hours. 2 hours? I went into the livingroom to nurse the Ailin while the pork butt was simmering, and ten minutes later, it was burned to a crisp and there was a thick layer of black, charred something on the bottom of the pan. Need I describe to you the horrendous smell coming from the pot as well? This horrendous smell filled my house and stuck to everything - the clothes, the curtains, my hair, etc. I could not get rid of it easily, and my nose burned all night. Suk was not pleased when he got home and was welcomed by that miso stench. I really learned something new here. No more pork butt in this house, and definitely no more cooking of miso.

Other news: Suk and I are going on a date in Ginza tomorrow. Just shopping for electronics and then dinner. Yeah. Grandma will be taking care of Ailin.

I am now posting on my teaching blog, which I started last year just before going on maternity leave. I started working on it again, so please check it out if you are interested in English teaching. It is called "It's time for coffee talk" and you'll see the link at the top of my blog roll.

Ailin can now eat with a spoon. I am not sure, but she may have learned that at the daycare. You'd think they would write about such an accomplishment in her diary, but I haven't seen any references to spoons. She seems to be doing well there, but is very happy when I pick her up.

Mandeland

2008-03-04T20:53:00.002+09:00

Things are going fine in Mandeland. Sorry I haven't gotten back here to update the saga of Supermom.

I went back to work on February 15 and was sick as a dog. I was even wearing a mask so as not to pass my then-unnamed disease onto my unsuspecting co-workers. I went to the doctor after school and demanded a diagnosis. I forced him to test me for influenza even though I had had an influenza shot back in November. I was negative and he insisted and I did not have bronchitis, pneumonia or anything else related to the lungs. I had what he termed "an especially bad cold." Hmmm. He gave me "especially strong drugs" and told me not to nurse for 5 days.

Okay, I'm not a doctor, but I have read some books, and I am acquainted with Dr Sears. According to Dr Sears, prescription and OTC drugs for things like colds are not going to do your baby in should you choose to take them while nursing. In fact, refusing to nurse your baby just because you are taking a little cold medicine is likely to piss your baby off and leave you feeling even worse. Nursing should be avoided, or at least carefully monitored, if you are on psycho drugs like Lithium, or cancer drugs. And, nursing should be avoided altogether if you are smoking (the) pot, snorting cocaine or injecting herione. So, I went home and nursed Ailin through the weekend and both us felt much better by Monday. Thank the lord.

After a bit of adjustment, she is doing well in day care. They love her, and she is happily playing, eating and sleeping there all day.

At work, I am busy with class-planning for the next school year, chatting with my colleagues, drinking coffee, going out for lunch occasionally and working on a few personal projects here and there. I have no classes right now since it is nearly the end of the school year, and my replacement has stayed on to finish out the year.

Ailin did have her birthday party with the Bilingual Baby Playgroup moms and their kids. Oh, I would have called it a first-class disaster, but according to some of the moms who attended, it was "really great." I don't know what impressed them more - the huge-ass Costco cake that would feed an army or the deflated baloon decorations that were hanging up since the originally planned birthday party two weeks before. Maybe it was the fact that Birthday Girl herself had decided to take a nap just before the guests arrived, and slept for most of the party. When she did awaken and I brought her out, she was in the worst mood ever. And, she got scared off by the living room full of people, so she cried and acted all clingy until everyone left. Then, she was in a fine mood. No, no, I think it was the horrible Star Wars-style sandstorm that was brewing outside during the party, and just when it was in full swing, I sent everyone home so they had to walk through the sand storm with their babies and strollers. Yes, yes, it had to be the last one. If I had been a guest, I would have really appreciated that thoughtful detail.

Well, moving on...it wasn't that bad. I was relieved to get it out of the way. I might avoid planning big birthday bashes in the future. You just never know when someone will get sick and all that prep time and food will go to waste. It's not really worth it.

Other than that, I am busy, but things are going smoother than I imagined they would. I really should be doing flylady-style housework right now, but instead, I am slacking on the computer. So, that's enough for now!

A Sad Sad Story about Supermom and her Superkid

2008-02-13T09:44:00.001+09:00

A sign has been made as part of the decorations. I used my new Cricut machine for the first time!

The table is set. The serving plates ready for their arrays of delicious baby-friendly finger foods that would have have been handmade by Mande, the Supermom.

The cake has been baked and frosted. All it needs is a little decoration.

Oh, but then something terrible happens. Supermom Amanda comes down with fever. She can no longer deny the sad fact...both Ailin and Supermom have bad, nasty colds with hacky coughing, sore throats, fevers, headaches...the list goes on. What to do?

Superdad to the rescue. He advises that the party should be cancelled or postponed.

Postponed? You mean, Supermom has to do this all over again? The cake? The decorations? The food? Impossible...

But, can we just fake it? I mean take some photos of Ailin with the cake, at least? At the very least?

The next morning. The party has been cancelled...decision about postponement to be announced at a later date. Right now, Supermom can't even think straight. (But she knows that if she were to attempt another party, all food and cake would come from Costco, and decorations would be miniscule.)

So, let's just set the table and pretend that a good time was had by all - minus the delicious finger foods which hadn't been made yet.

The sweetest cake in the world. Perhaps, Supermom thinks, this is a blessing in disguise. Japanese people would not really enjoy such a sugar rush.

Happy Birthday Dear Ailin...

Happy Birthday to me ... hee hee.

Oh, Supermom, you shouldn't have, really. You needn't have gone to all this trouble for li'l ol' me.

But, I do appreciate it and will cherish these photos always as the birthday party that never happened.

The End

Can I just say...

2008-02-06T22:16:00.000+09:00

Can I just say that I am SO looking forward to going back to work next week?

Okay, I know this is hard for some people to believe, but I love my job. I was made to work there, and that job was made for me. So, to have been given the opportunity to work there and then to be able to take and entire year off to be with my baby, and then STILL HAVE THE SAME JOB when I go back - that is such a blessing!

I am a high school teacher - specializing in the Intercultural program - at a public school where the kids are actually nice and pleasant to work with, overall. And, we get a lot of freedom in our lesson planning, so this is just the kind of thing I love.

When I was a kid, because my dad was an elementary school teacher, I also wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Then, I started junior high, and I wanted to be a junior high school teacher. Then, I went to high school, and well, you get the picture. At some point, I considered becoming a professor instead because then you can teach students who actually choose to be there. But, at my school now, the kids in the intercultural program did actually choose to apply for it, so I kind of got what I wanted.

Okay, it is not all roses and My Little Ponies, because there are always a few kids who are total idiots or who have no ability in English. And, there are a few teachers who just plain annoy me and everyone else. Oh, and we have had some issues with getting good quality native teachers on our staff, but all that aside, I am happy with this job.

I never thought I would say that about a job. I was never happy at my part time jobs through college and after. And, when I graduated from college, it wasn't long before I was disillusioned by the reality of working and building a career. There was no joy in it whatsoever!!!! I really wondered, "is this it? Am I going to be doing this for the next 20 years?" I knew there was no way up, and I needed to find another route. I was looking into grad school until I decided to get married and move to Japan. I knew I was giving up certain things to do this - material things like a car, my furniture, etc., and relationships with friends and family might suffer - but I also knew that eventually we would be able to purchase material things as we build a life together, and that I would make new friends in Japan. But, giving up my job at the time was sort of a blessing in disguise. I didn't realize how much I disliked it until later...until I didn't have to do it anymore.

(I was a field rep for a certain publishing company...no, it was a certain division of a very famous publishing company, and I was on the road almost every day. I was dirt poor, barely able to pay the bills and I was in debt. I had only $50 a month to spend on groceries and most of my lunches consisted of a can of Pringles and a cup of gas station coffee to keep me awake while driving. I couldn't afford anything more than that.)

I think that the above description would explain why, after all these years since cutting ties with that publishing company and never having contact with those co-workers or bosses again might explain why I STILL HAVE FLASHBACKS!!!

I have flashbacks of driving around an unfamiliar town searching for an elementary school, of sitting in a school library chatting away with a cold-hearted librarian, of doing the same with a very warm, cheerful librarian who wanted to know all about my wedding plans, of eating those damn pringles!, of arriving home exhausted to an empty fridge and napping on the couch until it was time to go to bed...it's a wonder I didn't lose weight.

Certainly, that job was not my calling. I am proud to be a high school teacher in Japan, and that I can work at a school in the same area where I live, so there is not a long commute to work. Anyway, one reason for writing on this topic was to explain that though I will miss Ailin and being with her every day, I do think she will gain something from being at day care. I am not saying this to justify going back to work. It's great that we could bond over the past year, and I have put some systems into place which can maximize our time together, so I don't feel guilty about going to work and leaving her at daycare. Plus, the daycare system here is pretty good. And, I must admit that I like living on a double income...I still have fears about empty fridges and living on pringles!!!!

And, now I must mention how truly sad I am because my co-worker (close friend and godfather to Ailin) will be leaving Japan. He got into grad school, so he will leave his job at the high school and go on to start his new life. I don't blame him. He needs to work on the next phase of his life, get into the business world, make some money, etc. Not everyone loves teaching as much as I do, but he was a good teacher, and I (along with the students) will be very sad to see him go. It also makes me envious because I still have dreams of going to grad school. Suk said I can once the kids have gone to college. Ha ha. By that time, I will be 50 years old!

Good luck, Karl. Come back and see your god-daughter when you can. This gives me an excuse to go and visit you in Seattle.

I do have some standards, people.

2008-02-04T23:09:00.000+09:00

This is something I find myself saying quite often...mainly I just mumble it under my breath when a friend/family member or my husband does something to annoy me, or when I am alone with Ailin and I stop her from doing something really stupid.

But first, I must mention something that happened today. God, I was so embarrassed! I was about to check out at the cash register during my weekly shopping trip. Usually, Suk goes with me on Sundays, but yesterday, we had a big snowstorm (no, not big, windy or violent, it was soft and pretty and we were left with a blanket of snow in which my husband was deathly afraid to drive. Figures.), so we couldn't go shopping. Today, I managed to get out there and do the shopping with Ailin. As I was placing the overflowing basket on the counter, a cheap bottle of white wine fell out and shattered on the floor. It rolled towards the feet of another customer and she yelled out in surprise. Oh, gosh, what has the idiot gaijin done now?! I was horrified. About 6 months ago, the same thing happened with a container of tofu, but that was tofu. It made a small mess and no glass was involved. I was embarrassed then too, but I had already paid for it, so they just brought me another one right away. This time, no one offered to bring me a replacement bottle of wine, and I was way too embarrassed to go and get another one myself. In this case, I had not paid for the wine and I offered to anyway, but they waved me off. I really would have. That "you break it you buy it" policy you see in American movies doesn't apply in Japan, I guess. Well, I am not sure it actually happens in the USA either because I have only seen it in movies.

Okay, the real subject for tonight. These are my standards when it comes to the safety of my daughter.

1. When the dog has licked her mouth for more than 2 seconds, I immediately put a stop to it.
2. When she starts to play with the dog's water or food bowl, I move it or shut the door to the dog's room. (Yes, he has his own tiny 2-mat room, which basically is just a place for his indoor toilet and his water supply, and where he stays when we are gone.)
3. When she is interacting with other babies and it looks like she is about to scratch their eyes out. Hey, it happens - babies don't have much control over their limbs, so they tend to reach out and slap or pull at other people's faces or hair. It doesn't mean she has a violent tendency, but I would gather that other mom's don't like it.
4. When she is playing at the jidoukan play spaces, and she decides the floor vent is her new favorite toy, I attempt to redirect her again and again.
5. When she tries to play with the computer cords, I put a stop to that. (There are no other cords within reach for her in our apartment, thank god.)

I know there are more, but my point is that I notice others being so vigilent and strict with their babies, and I am just too laidback about some things. I mean, if you have read my last couple entries, you have gotten the feeling that Suk is overly-careful with her, and he often admonishes me for letting her crawl across the room, or letting her stand near the TV, or letting her play within 5 inches of the dog, etc. But, even out in the community, I notice that Japanese moms seem to be really careful about not allowing their baby to cause trouble of any kind. Today, I took her to a play space in Jusco, and there were about 5 other moms there. Every time this one baby came near us, his mom was right on top of him telling him not to yell out or get too close to us. I guess she thought he should be quiet in the play space.

Well, I am having trouble explaining myself here, but it reminds me a conversation I had with a friend last month. She had decided not to hang out with certain moms anymore because they were just too careful with their babies. Being the laidback person she is, she always had a hard time finding topics to talk about with them, and she always felt like she was being judged by them. That whole, "I can't believe she gave her daughter a french fry!" sort of judgemental attitude I was talking about before, and I agree with her. It is hard to be around those people all the time.

(By the way, not to invite pity from anyone, but I was dumped by one of those judgemental overly-careful moms a few months ago. We are no longer friends, and I am not sure why. I don't think it is related to our mothering styles, but whether it is or not, I find that life is much easier with out her in it. I no longer need to worry about every little thing, and whether we are doing everything right or not, and let's research to find out if this is okay or not, and what if this happens, and what do you think of so and so who lets her kid eat french fries...I could go on and on about this little drama that played out in my life last fall, but I will spare you the details.)

Random but not thoughtless

2008-02-03T14:20:00.000+09:00

I just re-read the little blurb at the top of my blog, and I was like - okay, that obviously has not been working for me. Old friends from the USA barely ever email me or correspond with me, and phone calls are as rare as a 3 dollar bill. I know some read it without commenting, and that is okay, but they could at least email once in while and let me know what they are up to. I should probably change the blurb to something else anyway. And, this sort of reminds me of my mutating Christmas card list which as way too many people on it, most of whom NEVER email, write, call, send Xmas cards or acknowledge our friendship in any way. Still, I keep the hope alive by sending them Christmas cards with the annual letter, but my hope is dying people. As the years go by, I have noticed that my Xmas list grows to include many foreign friends I have made in Japan, who do actually correspond with me on a more regular basis, but I still send cards to people from my past "hoping against hope" that it will inspire some sort of response to come my way. Rarely does it work, so I am hereby making the tough decision to cross them off the list. This is not a threat to any of you reading the blog...you see, I am sure if you know about my blog, then you are not one of those people. I am just venting a little bit here and wondering if others have the same problem.

Now, I am obsessed with many things, and I want to share them with you. My mom sometimes warns me when I "obsessing", and she is right. Maybe sharing with you will help me pull back a little.

1. Morning Routine Schedules and how to get everything done and get us out of the house on time.
2. Housekeeping schedule and how to keep the house relatively clean with little effort.
3. Hillary Clinton
4. Hillary and her health care plan
5. The fact that the democrats have offered up two candidates - a woman and a black man - and doesn't that mean our world is really changing? I shouldn't say "world" though because other countries do have female leaders. Doesn't that mean our country is really changing.
6. What Bill would be like as a "first lady". (Hopefully not as snippy as he has been lately.)
7. What Bill will look like in a red dress for the Fight Against Heart Disease campaign.
8. Blazers - looking to buy a couple of nice blazers for work, but can't find any on the racks yet.

Okay, that is only 8 things so I am doing pretty well this week. Here is what my husband seems to be obsessed about recently:

1. Himself
2. Food
3. Sleep and lack thereof
4. Sports
5. Making sure the baby doesn't get "dirty."
6. Making sure the baby doesn't get "hurt."
7. Smell Things

I warned him that I would blog about #7. He refers to anything like popourri, incense, room deoderizers, etc. as "smell things." So, whenever we go to the store, he always says we need to buy some smell things. It has been going on for so long an so often, that I forgot what these things are called in English. So, when I write a shopping list, I write "Smell Things" on it.

As for #5 and #6, can I just clarify that my husband thinks the baby will die or get seriously hurt (or dirty) at any given moment? And, when he is at home (which, thank god, is only in the early mornings and on weekends), he will not allow her to crawl around and explore the house for fear that she will ... god forbid ... get dirty. She is also not allowed to go near Max or touch him. So, he carries her around or keeps her confined to the couch, and when he can't do that, he puts her in the crib or playpen (and she screams and cries) or he hands her off to me. And, I am expected to carry her on my hip and do whatever the heck I am trying to do because anything is better than letting her crawl around. Of course, when he is not at home (and let's hope he doesn't read this), she has more freedom to explore, and since everything is child-proofed, there is little chance of her getting hurt. Okay, she might get some dog hair on her, and even some dust, but it's not going to kill her. Is it just my husband who obsesses about this? Or do others have similar experiences? Or am I just a really bad mother?

Ailin Stories

2008-02-01T21:33:00.001+09:00

I know I don't write much about Ailin, but I thought maybe I should write a little bit about her sometimes. Here is something from just week.

Yesterday, Ailin was playing among her toys which were spread out on the living floor. She came upon Max's orange bone. She picked it up and looked over at Max, who was sleeping on the couch. Then, she crawled over to him, stood up, patted him on the back and handed him his bone. I was like, "watch that little brain work!!!"

Today, she went to daycare for the first time. She only had to stay for 2 hours. When I picked her up, her caregiver said that Ailin cried at first, but then they played some music and she was "singing" along to the music, and after that she was fine. As I was carrying her out to the elevator and we waited for the elevator, the first thing she said to me was, "Ma!" You know what that means, right? That was her first word, and no, it does not mean "Mama". She is talking about Max!

How They Met

2008-02-01T21:20:00.000+09:00

I just want to call attention to my sister's blog. Her latest entry is the story of how our parents met, and it's pretty interesting. Please check it out! If you click on the title of this blog entry, it will take you to the right place, or just click on Hidden Passages in my Fave Blogs section.

Eating in General

2008-01-31T18:51:00.000+09:00

Last fall, I wrote an article about cooking for my column ("Surviving Japan") in the AFWJ Journal. It has not been published yet because the editor misplaced it and neglected it to to put it in the December issue, so I am hoping it makes it in the February issue. Anyway, Deenster wrote about this topic on her blog recently, and I thought I would comment, but I had been considering writing about some of my recent discoveries regarding cooking. This is a topic I never tire of!

In my article, I focused on the evolution of my cooking repertoire and attitude especially in relation to a picky/critical Japanese husband. To be honest, it took me a long time to get to the point where I could actually write about it because I was so hyper-sensitive about the topic of cooking. So, in the article, I talked about my attitude towards cooking, being that I cook what I want to cook, and if Suk wants something in particular, he can make it on Sunday nights, which is traditionally HIS night to cook. (Or we can go to his mom's for dinner where she will cook whatever he requests.) Having a child has sort of lead to my appreciation of cooking much more though. Now, I want to challenge myself more because I have someone to cook for. Okay, okay, she can't eat most of the things I make, but for now, I am just in practice mode. I have tried the slow-cooker thing, but Suk hated almost everything that was made the slow cooker. I thought he was crazy, but my best friend (Shannon) admitted to hating slow cooker food as well. Guess he is not so crazy after all. So, then, I thought casseroles would be the way to go, especially in winter. However, casseroles are not so trendy these days. I did manage to procure a Casserole Cookbook from my grandma over the winter break. It was published in 1965 and is a collection of favorite recipes from Home Ec teachers. Well, if any of you can remember what Home Ec class was like in junior high, you might not want a book of recipes that your teacher recommended - no offense to anyone. And, since I am going back to work in a couple weeks, I too have been struck with the dilemma of what to cook quickly when I get home from work and still be able to hang out with my daughter, and also what can be prepared in advance. After some research and deliberation (and discussion with Suk about how best to carry this plan out.), I came up with the following:

I recently purchased the book "Saving Dinner" by one of the women who works for Flylady. I do not follow all of flylady's principles, but I was interested in some of her organizational tips, as well as this book. This book offers weekly menu plans for an entire year along with shopping lists for each week. The menu plans are seasonal based, so when you start using the book, begin in the season you are currently in. That way, the veggies you go to shop for are all in season. There are only 6 entrees per week as I think the author assumes that you go out to eat or order in at least once a week, or you have a special family recipe you would rather cook. Anyway, the beauty of it is the shopping list makes it easy for you to do all the shopping at once, and the recipes are very easy and they taste great!!!! If you had time, you could make menus and shopping lists yourself, which brings me to my next point.

Suk would probably not be happy (and it wouldn't be economical) if we ate American food every night for an entire year. So, I decided to alternate between American and Japanese. So, one week, I use the Saving Dinner book and the next week, I plan a menu of all Japanese foods. There are plenty of easy Japanese recipes out there - grilled fish, udon with store-bought tempura, braised chicken, etc. Nowadays, many things are ready-made such as the veggie mix for the braised chicken recipe.

After two weeks on this new shopping/cooking plan, here are my thoughts:
The Saving Dinner cookbook offers easy recipes that do not require tons of ingredients (my pet peeve) and are quite tasty. They work great as leftovers or for lunch the next day. Many of the recipes include some veggies within the main entree, which to you means "one-pot cooking." That is every busy person's dream, but they do suggest side dishes that you can serve as well - steamed veggies, salads, rolls. All very very simple side dishes, however if you don't have time to prepare that stuff, no one will miss it!! One thing that might help make things go quicker would be to get a food processor. Look over the recipes on Sunday night, and prep as much as possible ahead of time. For example, this week, every recipe required at least one diced onion. I would have liked to have diced all those onions at once so that I could just use them as I needed them. Also, prepping the veggies for steaming or for salads would have been nice. Then, I could have just thrown a few in the steamer or into a salad bowl while cooking the entree. Instead, this week, I just went without side dishes because I didn't have time to prepare them. To be honest though, we didn't feel like we were missing out. Dinners during the week don't really require all the bells and whistles, do they?

Cooking Japanese food was not so bad last week. I think only two of the recipes I used were brand new to me, and according to my "always-tell-the-truth-no-matter-what" husband, they turned out perfectly. I had purchased a "Basic Japanese Cooking" book in Japanese, and just used the photos to guide me along. I can read about 80% of the Japanese, so when I came across something I wasn't sure about, I just improvised. No big deal at all, and I was happy with everything.

In terms of making things that Ailin could eat, she wasn't able to try everything, but most of the Japanese food was okay for her. I let her try some of the American food from Saving dinner as well, but I still had to give her supplemental "just-for-Ailin" food.

One reason I am really excited about my new cooking plan is that I have finally started to lose weight since beginning it. Also, I am no longer drinking coke and that might have something to do with it, but losing weight only motivates me more to keep up with this cooking plan.

On Sunday nights, my husband is still in charge of cooking, and we usually go out to eat for one other meal on the weekends - lunch or Saturday dinner. Or, if I feel inspired and I offer (but only when I offer, there is never pressure from Suk) to cook on Saturday nights, I will make something extra special because that is the only time Suk can eat my cooking hot and fresh.

Eating Words

2008-01-29T20:37:00.001+09:00

I know, I know...it's been a while and I had promised I would write more. I was going to write another update since it had been so long. One reason for neglecting to write is because my family apparently reads my blog, and they don't like it. So, I felt a little gun-shy about writing anything. However, I do like to write, and if they don't like it, no one is forcing them to read it. Out of respect to them though, I will try (once again) not to complain about anyone or write about "private" stuff.

What I wanted to write about today is my thoughts regarding motherhood. It is hard to believe that one year ago, I was waddling around, barely able to move, biding my time with activities like maternity swimming, reading novels, walking with the dog, etc. I could never find a comfortable position to sleep in and so was always tossing and turning all night. I also remember reading a novel about the ancestry of a Canadian family. It was a thick novel and took me about 3 weeks to get through, and at the time, I kept thinking, "Is this going to be the last book I read before becoming a mom...who knows when I will be able to read a book again, and here I am, wasting it on this piece of crap." Actually, the book wasn't so bad, but I could have spent that last 3 weeks reading 5 shorter (better, more exciting) novels rather than that sleeper.

Until that time, I often had conversations with friends about what kind of mom I would be and what my position was on various topics, such as breastfeeding and co-sleeping. Little did I know that I would be eating my words someday. I mean, warning to all moms-to-be...never say you won't do something, or my baby is going to be like this, or I believe this is the best way to blah, blah, blah unless you enjoy the taste of your words later on. And, I also remember chatting with friends about "other friends who do such and such with their babies and can you believe that???".

Here is a short list of what I am referring to...in my own life.

Topics that Divide
There are certain topics that people seem to feel strongly one way or the other about. Before being pregnant, I probably had no opinion about these topics, and then suddenly, after being pregnant, I was very opinionated about them. Then, I had the baby, and I realized there is so much gray area...you can't even see the light on these matters and therefore, it is better to shut up rather than go around lecturing your friends about the ins and outs of these topics.

1. Breastfeeding versus Bottle-feeding
Both methods nurture your baby. Both force you to hold or cuddle your baby. Both give your baby nourishment. Both have advantages and disadvantages. It doesn't help your friends when you admonish them for A. not being able to breastfeed, B. choosing to formula-feed, C. breastfeeding longer than one year, C. breastfeeding in public, D. not always wearing appropriate attire to nurse the baby in in a very modest way, E. deciding that pumping and having someone else feed the baby while you go have fun is just NOT your way. I am sure there is more I could say, but this is my way of reminding myself and others to "LET THEM BE!" Every mom makes her choices about feeding the baby, and they are just that...her choices.

2. Starting Solids at a Certain Age
Some start as early as 3 months. Others wait until 7 or 8 months. Either way, you are going to hear about it from someone. In the USA, the current recommendation is to wait until 7 months, and in Japan, the old way (our MIL's way) was to start at 3 months. Of course, Japanese doctors recommend 6 or 7 months, and by this time, your head is spinning! Oh, and then there is the issue about making all your own food (like a good little mommy) or buying pre-made stuff. Just to note, I have tasted the pre-made stuff, and your cooking will probably taste better, but if you have issues with time, pre-made stuff is always good to have around.

3. Sleeping No-cry/Cry it out
There are a thousand ways to soothe a baby to sleep, and everyone develops their own routine. Some people are against allowing their babies to cry, even for 3 minutes. Others don't seem to be bothered as long as the baby falls asleep after 5 minutes. I seem to be of the second school of thought, but Suk is most definitely of the first. So, each weekend, we are/were conflicted about what to do when she cries. Weekdays, thankfully, are not a problem since he is always working. As for people's feelings about this - what works for you at 3 months might not work for you at 10 minutes, so always be ready to "eat those words" and change what you are doing. (I just had to change part of this paragraph to present tense because, guess what, this is STILL an issue.

4. Co-Sleeping Versus Crib
Well, well, well...those accusatory questions that comes from friends (especially those who have not yet had babies) and family (who raised their children in the '70s), "You don't sleep together, do you? I mean, you want her sleeping with you when she is five?" I was one who said that my baby would love sleeping in her crib in her own room and that I definitely would need my own space. Then, I became a sleep-deprived, nursing mom, and suddenly sleeping next to my baby never looked so good. It took some convincing for my husband to allow this, and I even had to ask our pediatrician to speak with him about the benefits before he agreed that sleeping was important for me. We still do co-sleep, and she nurses throughout the night - waking several times to nurse and then fall asleep again. But, the main reason she does not sleep in her crib is because we never got around to buying an air conditioner/heater for her room, so in the summer it was too hot, and now it is too cold. Thus, we never had a chance to make the big transition. Advantages of co-sleeping though, for me, outweigh the disadvantages. Yes, we have a crib and it is very pretty. But, she screams bloody murder when we set her in it even for 10 seconds, so I am guessing that she doesn't love her crib.

5. Play pen versus Free play
I made that up...free play. In our house, free play means that one's toys are all over the floor, mixed in with the dog's chew toys, and both the dog and baby are playing with whatever they want, including the garbage can, Mom's address book, Mom's magazines, the TV remotes, etc. I bought the play pen so that she and her toys could be safe from the dog, and I said, "Not to worry. My baby will love being in her play pen because I will MAKE her love it." HA! She was okay when all she could do was lay there or sit there. Same with the crib. Once she could crawl and stand, she definitely prefers "free play." If you like hearing your kid scream bloody murder, put her in the play pen for more than 30 seconds.

I cannot think of more points at this time, but these are ones that constantly come up, even now. Ailin will be ONE in a couple weeks, and we are excitedly planning her birthday party. And, with that, I will go back to work on the day of her birthday. What a way to celebrate!!!!

Mommy Brain

2007-12-17T21:28:00.000+09:00

Is "mommy brain" just another way to blame someone else (your baby) for your forgetfulness, talent for losing things, ability to lose track of all thoughts and conversations, etc.?

I used to think not. In fact, up until a week ago, I would never have even uttered the two words "mommy" and "brain" in the same sentence. Up until a week ago, I could pretty much stay on track with everything, including conversations, my things, my baby's things, and whatever else I was supposed to be in charge of.

In fact, I was better than fine. I was and still am scrapbooking a few times a week and keeping on top of Ailin's book, and I even started a new album about my hometown. I was emailing people on a semi-regular basis, and I was even keeping up to date with family news, gossip and some Hollywood gossip. (Okay, so what if I never really had much interest in real news...thank god though because I doubt I could keep up.)

Then, the continued lack of sleep over time has somehow caught up with my brain, and I am now slowing down. Fuzziness has taken over as I rack my brain trying to remember the last sentence I said just 5 seconds ago. Or when I set something down and can't remember what it was or where I put it, and then I suddenly don't remember what I am looking for.

And, this might explain my problem with the lost keys. (Although Red Ferrari Lady is partly to blame for their continued loss...) Or the stupid pot being stuck in the pan. Did I forget that both were very hot? Then, just yesterday, Suk reminded my 5 times to give him Ailin's insurance card, and when he reminded me again this morning, and I had no idea where it was and I started to panic. 'It's gone. I don't know where it is. What! It should be right here, but it's not! Oh my god!!!" Suk opened the diaper bag and found it right away, amongst our bank account books.

This afternoon, as I waited for Ailin to settle down into a nap so I could get ready for the day. (Yes, I admit it, I was still not ready to go out and it was 2pm by then.) Of course, she refused to nap and just wanted to play. Oh, if Suk had been here, she'd be napping already!!!! Finally, I decided to bite the bullet and do the next best thing. I got ready quickly, rushed her out to the car and strapped her in seat. She fell asleep just after we began driving, and she stayed asleep for a good hour.

I, on the other hand, was also very sleepy, and I found myself nodding off at intersections while waiting for the light to turn green. I stopped at a gas station convenience store to buy coffee, coke and chocolate. When I opened my wallet to pay, there was NO money inside! I explained that I had money in the car and would be right back to pay. (I could only pray and hope that I actually did have money in the car.) After a bit of searching, I found a 10,000 yen bill, and I used that to pay. This 10,000 yen bill was meant for the revenue stamps for my renewal of spousal visa and re-entry permit, which brings me to my reason for bringing up this topic today.

Our reason for going outside today was so I could go to the immigration office and renew these two important documents. Without the spousal visa, which expires every three years, I cannot live in Japan. Without the re-entry permit, which also expires every three years, I cannot return to Japan to live should I leave for a vacation or something.

So, last week, I spent a couple evenings preparing all the documents I would need for these two procedures. I even downloaded the forms on-line and filled them out. I went around collecting all the documents I would need, and I thought I was ready to do this. I really wanted to start the process before leaving for the States on Thursday as it can take up to one month to process the spousal visa, and I don't want to be late like I was last time.

My friend advised that I arrive at the immigration office just before closing to ensure the shortest wait time. Makes sense to me. I clocked in about 10 minutes before the "take a number" machine was turned off. Then, I dutifully went downstairs to the post office and bought the stamps. I thought this would save me some time later.

I waited about 45 minutes and finally my number was called. Immediately, the lady told me that this was the wrong line for spousal visas. She only handles re-entry permits, and I should have taken a separate number for each line. I guess I would have known that if I had more carefully read the signs which clearly explain this fact just above the "take a number" machine!!! (Just because I can read doesn't mean my Mommy brain can process the information!) However, since it was the end of the day, she agreed to look at my papers and process both documents for me.

Turns out that I didn't have any of the correct documents and evidential information to show that my Japanese spouse does indeed exist. I needed to show a copy of his "resident card" and his "proof of income". The proof of income is to show that he can actually support me. Okay, so here's me and my mommy brain with it's screwy logic.

(Roughly translated into English)
"But, you see, my husband is a Japanese citizen. He doesn't have a resident card. The English explanation from the internet says nothing about bringing in a juminhyo."

"Well, a Juminhyo IS a resident card."

"Oh really? Because the phrase 'resident card' is not a good translation for juminhyo. I really didn't know that I needed his juminhyo."

(Um first of all, the juminhyo is NOT a card. It is a piece of paper which states the person's address. Basically, it is a proof of residence, and not what we would think of as a resident's card, which might be something that a foreigner keeps with him/her to prove that he has the right to reside in such and such country. In the USA, we do not have juminhyo. If we need to prove our residence, we show them a recent electric bill or something like that. Of course, I know what a juminhyo is, but I have never translated it in my head to resident's card, but I guess I will from now on!)

Then,
"You also need to show proof of his income. It says so right here."

"Why should I have to show proof of his income. I checked the box for "supporting self" and I brought in proof of my income."

"We don't care about your income. We only care about your spouse's income because you are living here on a SPOUSE visa."

"Yes, but I checked the box for SELF. And, I know my income has been low this year, but that's because I am on childcare leave, and actually, I am going back to work at the same place in February. I brought proof of my contract with my school, and it states my salary right here."

"Okay, it's very nice that you have a job, and that you are going back to work soon. That nice, really. But, frankly, we don't care about your income. We just want to know what your husband does. If he was here with you, he would be able to vouch for himself, but he's not, so we need evidence."

"Fine, I understand. I wanted to bring evidence of his income, but they don't release the paperwork until the very end of the year. And, you know this deadline for my visa is really bad timing, especially if I am supposed to start the process one month ahead of time."

"Well, you didn't have to start this early. You could have waited until after the new year."

(Get the picture? I could go on and on with this one. I am not sure why I was being difficult. I just felt so ... fuzzy.)

Another document I needed was a "Letter of Guarantee" that would be filled out by my spouse. I hadn't seen this on the internet, so I just ignored it when I saw it on the list of necessary documents. I mean, I figured it must not apply to me or something. I guess it did because the immigration officer was like,

"You are missing so many documents. Why didn't you come prepared? I am not sure why you would not have brought the letter of guarantee with you, or least your husband. I mean, if you can't read the Japanese explanations, you could have shown it to your husband, right?"

"Yes, but the explanations were also in English, and I thought I understood everything."

I must say though...she showed me the Japanese explanations of necessary documents, and it is one full page in very very small print. The English version is about 6 lines long, in very large print. TYPICAL!!! For those of you who live in Japan, you will understand exactly what I mean by that.

So, after I left, I kind of realized just how stupid I was. I had absolutely no proof that A. Suk actually exists and B. that Suk wants me to have a spouse visa. I do get it now.

Luckily for me though, I do not have to go back. She marked my applications as pending, and I just have to send in the rest of the documents. She even gave me an envelope to send them in. I'll just go back to pick up my visa and re-entry permit when they are ready in January.

More Broken Things

2007-12-16T20:17:00.000+09:00

I may have written about all the broken weird things in my life over the summer, and I really thought it was all over with. I was starting to think my home's feng shui was really bad, so I borrowed a book from someone to learn more about the topic. I still haven't found the time to work with the book, and needless to say, my feng is not getting any better!!!!

In the last two weeks alone, three weird things happened.

The Case of the Missing Keys
Two weeks ago, Max and I were out walking in a field and for once in my life, I decided to play fetch with him. At the end of our walk, we began making our way back to the apartment building and I automatically checked my pockets for my keys. Gone!!!! I panicked slightly, but we turned around and started looking for them. Of course, we couldn't find them...I mean, I couldn't find them - Max was busying himself with his usual sniffing and leash-pulling. I knew Suk was waiting for me to get back so he could go to work, so after about 30 minutes, we made our way back to home.

Luckily for us, Suk was still at home so we could get into the house. Later that day, I went to the police station (that little field is between our apartment building and the police station, lucky for us.) and reported my keys missing. I hoped some other dog walker would find them and turn them in.

Nothing doing, so the next morning, Suk offered to go out to the field with me and help look for the keys. Thank god he did because it took him about 30 seconds to spot them in the clover! Okay, I promised myself that I would not play fetch again with Max.

The Case of the Missing Keys Part 2
Last week, Ailin and I were going somewhere by car, and I was in a hurry. In the parking lot of our building, I stuck my keys in the keyhole of the code box to open the gate and then proceeded to drive off without taking my keys with me. This happens to people a lot, and usually the keys are either put on top of the box or are turned into the condo caretaker.

To make a long story short, when I came back hours later, the condo caretaker did not have my keys and neither did the box! I had to drive over to MIL's house and borrow her spare key, and then the caretaker lent me a key for the parking gate. He assured the keys would be turned in with a day or two.

Nothing doing, so the next morning, Suk went down and asked him what could be done about the missing keys. After a few days, the caretaker offered to watch the security camera footage and see if he could solve the mystery. Somehow, and I am not sure how this happened, but Suk ended up viewing the footage with him and they thought they had caught the "thief" red-handed.

Speaking of red-handed, the "key thief" is someone who owns a red ferrari. The red ferrari-driving lady has two cars in her possession and was seen parking her red ferrari just after I left, and then leaving a a couple hours later in her other car. When she went to take her less-ritzy car out of the parking gate, her co-hort (could be a relative or friend) walked over and apparently grabbed my keys and they drove off with them.

It is complicated, I know. If it was just the butler in the dining room with the candlestick, life would be so much simpler. But it wasn't, and now the caretaker hung up some signs indicating that he is searching for the keys and if anyone has any information regarding their whereabouts, to please contact him.

Needless to say, I could understand if Red Ferrari Lady wants an extra parking gate key, but could she just give me back my house key? I don't feel so comfortable about another resident holding on to my house key!!!!!

Will keep you posted about my key mystery.

The Case of the 2 Pans
This could also be called "The Case of the Clumsy Science Flunky".

You know how when something that gets hot also expands a little bit? Then when it cools down, it contracts a little bit? Well, you may have forgotten this, but you learned about it in 8th grade science class.

The other night, I was in a rush to cook dinner, and I was using two pans of a approximately the same circumference. One was a big pot for cooking pasta in. The other was just a fry pan. After using the big pot, I had no where to set it as it was too hot to set directly on the counter top. So, I set it in the frying pan, which incidently, was also very hot as I had just finished using it.

Well, lo and behold, when I went back to do the dishes a few hours later, I found that these two pots were stuck together. I tried and tried to get them apart, but nothing doing.

The next day, I asked Suk to hold one while I hold the other and pull with our mights, but that didn't help either. Then he had this bright idea (did I ever mention how unbelievably handy Suk is?) to take a hammer and try to pound them and pry them apart. This only caused tiny jagged pieces of teflon and metal to fly about, and I could see the frying pan was slowing becoming a piece of shit...excuse my language.

(Incidentally, I just bought this teflon frying pan to replace the one that Suk scratched the coating off of when he "washed" it with a metal sponge. I guess he thought the teflon needed to scraped off as well as the food particles.)

So, anyway, not that we have any money right now, but we need to buy ourselves a new spaghetti pot and a new fry pan for Christmas.

Flickr Update

2007-12-13T23:50:00.000+09:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/mandejlife/

I decided to update my flickr for the first time in 18 months. I just put my pages from Ailin's scrapbook on there. Rather than lug that heavy thing over to the States this Christmas, I thought I had better just take photos of the pages. Not as good as the real thing but you'll get the idea.

If you cannot access this and you want to, please let me know and I will send an invitation to you.

2007-12-10T18:07:00.000+09:00

Thank you all for your kind comments. At least one of the photos stands out more than the others. It is certainly not the family photo, but that's okay. I will get over it. (By the way, my mom reads this blog and she commented that we all look quite stiff in the photos. I guess that is a no go for her birthday present. Oh well...)
I had to scan these JC Penneys photos anyway, so I thought I would put them up here to compare. They were taken during our trip to Wisconsin last summer. Ailin was 5 months old. There are a few more poses, but these are the ones I have on hand. Can you see the difference?

Stupido Arisu Part 2

2007-12-05T16:51:00.000+09:00

I am sorry to have inadvertantly deceived anyone regarding half price coupons at Studio Alice. I checked further into it and it turns out that the half price coupons they hand out pertain to the sitting fee only. The sitting fee is 3000 yen at full price, but I heard that on weekly days, the price is reduced or free anyway. I did also hear that some photo studios have you pay a certain price PER POSE, so if you want your family or kids to try out 5 different poses, you will have to pay the price. I have to say that is a big rip off.

I decided to post my heinous Alice photos up here. One reason is because this story is kind of funny. I was really going for the natural look, and I wanted a close, affectionate familial pose. Imagine one where Suk and I hug Ailin close between us, and only our upper torsos and heads appear in the photo.

The other reason is I am so NOT putting any of these photos in our Christmas letter, so I might as well put them somewhere. They are barely passing inspection for wasting a page in her scrapbook album. Actually, one copy is supposed to be for MIL. And we got an 8x10 for my mom. I guess she will have to suffer looking that for a whole year or until we get another one made.

I have to say, in defense of Ailin, that she is so much cuter in real life. Without sounding like a stage mother or anything of the sort, she is the type of kid who always smiles these big wide, toothy grins. At Studio Alice, she did not crack one smile which was very out of character for her. Even that idiotic Disneyland- type photographer could not get her to smile with all her little "tricks and toys." I certainly don't want my Christmas card recipients to think that Ailin always looks this confused.

Kuso Arisu - Out of the Loop

2007-11-18T21:02:00.000+09:00

Today, we went to have professional photos taken at a local studio called Studio Alice. Now, I call it Stupido Alice. It took Suk about a week to catch on to that subtle joke.

Anyway, I was planning to scan a family photo for our Christmas letter, but I also wanted to frame a nice family photo for my mom. Anyway, I found out why it is WAY WAY better to just have photos taken at JCPenneys or Target. You'll save yourself a lot of hassle and money.

Last summer, on a whim, we got Ailin's photo taken at JCPenneys and they turned out really nice. I paid about $60 bucks for several copies in a variety of sizes and poses. Included in that price was a cool collage one that they put together using 5 different poses. Oh my - I did not realize the deal we were getting at that price.

For Christmas, I insisted that we go to Studio Alice, and I made the appointment. Suk seemed like he didn't care either way, but was willing to go along with it for my sake. I had never been to Studio Alice before, but 3 different Japanese friends recommended this particular store because the "photographer" was so good! I had seen their photos, and although they were nice, I noted that they were the "typical" pro photos often taken here in Japan.

Here is a sampling of "typical":
A photo taken when your baby is 100 days old
A photo taken when your child hits 3, 5 or 7 years old - usually in a kimono, but some kids choose to wear a prom dress or wedding dress instead
A birthday photo

Now, mind you, these studios have lots of dresses on the racks for kids to choose from - everything from kimono to bright yellow fluffy prom dresses to bee costumes. You name it, they've got it. And, in the dressing room, a woman fixes the little girls' hair in a fancy updo with bows and flowers - almost every girl's dream!

We showed up in very simple ivory shirts (uniqlo!) and jeans. Ailin was wearing a red dress with an ivory turtleneck underneath. I specifically chose this dress because it is kind of Christmasy. They offered that we look at the costumes anyway to see if there might be something we like better. Um...no, but thanks.

(Oh, and did I mention that we lost her brush, so her hair was a disaster and there was nothing much we could do. Then, I forgot her barrette int he car, and my husband was out getting it when they called us into the studio to start her photos.)

Did the photographer ask us what type of poses or style we were going for? No. Did she ask if we preferred a certain background to another? No. Did she talk to us at all? No.

As luck would have it, Ailin had had a bad night - up wanting to crawl around at 3am - then she and I slept in until 9, so by the time we got to the photo studio, she was ready for her morning nap. How could I have predicted that when I made the appointment weeks ago?

So, in essence, we got to choose from a million photos and our child was not smiling in even one of them. She just looked kind of like, "where am I? Who are these people? Why are they talking to me? Why am I sitting in this fancy victorian chair. Ooh, christmas tree. Can I eat it?"

One 8x10 costs about $70. One wallet is $11. Um, okay. Was I obligated to buy something just so as not to waste this lady's time? Yes, I felt the need to for god knows why. Not only did I buy one, but I bought about 5 photos that I didn't want just because I thought that's what people do.

And, at the end, she asked if we had the HALF PRICE coupon. Those exist? Well, no, but I found out from one of my "friends" that she had a few coupons and would have given one to us had we told her about our appointment. She claimed that "everyone knows about them, no one actually pays full price for those things!!!"

Why is it that Suk and I are always out of the loop?

Updates

2007-11-01T15:44:00.001+09:00

I know I always do this, and it is so lame. Kuri has been keeping up her blog about all her adventures with little Nao. Meanwhile, I have a hard time writing because I want to keep it positive, yet honest. Things are going well right now, so I guess it as good a time as any to write.

Suk and Me
Suk and I came close to throwing in the towel, but decided to try therapy instead. I wish I could say it was massage therapy or something to that effect, but it is your run-of-the-mill marriage counseling type of therapy. He was really reluctant to go because he had this image of some dull politician-type Japanese guy choosing sides and telling the other one to fuck off. We chose the therapist together through the list provided by Tokyo Mental Health Professionals, an organization which refers bilingual and English-speaking therapists from various backgrounds.

It turns out she is a life-saver, extremely intelligent and fairly neutral. And, though I wouldn't say she can take full credit for miracles happening, Suk and I are in a much different place then we were 2 months ago. He has been making some major changes, and I guess I have to (but I always felt like I was making all the changes before), so this makes a big difference.

I really don't want to get into details about such a private issue, but I will say that it has been worth the money in our case. We have to trek all the way to Omotesando in Tokyo (about 1 hour and 15 minutes by train) on Saturdays, leaving Ailin with her Grandma for the afternoon. These afternoons in Omotesando, although they consist of a 15-minute stop off at Starbucks, a one-hour therapy session, and 2 1/2 hours on public transportation, do kind of seem like a date.

Now, we have been prescribed to twice monthly therapy sessions, and gradually, we'll taper down to once a month, and then just once in a while - like when there is a big change in our lives.

Family Activities
For us, I consider it a family activity when the dog is included in our outings. Thus, Suk and I have to find places which accommodate doggies. We have not been too successful on this front because of Suk's level of conservativeness. For example, when we take Max to a park, we cannot let him loose like every other dog owner does. This is partly due to Max's overzealousness. He simply loves people and other dogs and he wants so desperately to make new friends. This is also due to the fact that he seems to be attracted to small children who happen to be playing with bouncy, round objects, like balls.

So far, we have taken Max and Ailin to Mother Farm in Chiba, Inage Seaside Park in our town, the Flower Museum restaurant, Starbucks and other smaller parks in our neighborhood. My goal is to stay at a resort hotel which allows dogs. That is a pretty big goal, actually.

Outings without Max have consisted of Ario shopping mall in Soga, Narita Temple, Roppongi, & Azabujuban. My goal there is to go on more drives to see other parts of Chiba prefecture and perhaps even venture outside of Chiba with the car. I have done this on my own (with Ailin and while I was still pregnant, but shhhh....that's a secret). The goal is to have Suk do the driving.

Ailin's Development
She is 8 1/2 months now. We just celebrated Halloween where I dressed her as an angel. I must have a very high opinion of her.

She enjoys looking at books, playing with her blocks, knocking down any towers that I build, eating anything she picks up like tissues and papers, petting and watching Max, going for walks with Max every day, and attempting to crawl.

Her crawl is more of a sliding backwards type movement. She slides backwards until she gets her feet stuck under the couch or other piece of furniture and then she cries to be rescued.

She eats like a little piggy, loving just about anything I give her. Last week, I went to a seminar to learn how to make baby food, the Japanese way. That was informative, and since then, I have tried several of the recipes - basically things like carrot/spinach/fish mixture, carrot/spinach/chicken mixture, mashed potatoes, etc. All very interesting, but I do often cheat and feed her jarred baby food anyway. She seems to like pretty much anything.

Mama's Free Time
Now that I have chosen her day care for next year, and just have to apply within their application period in December, I am a bit more relaxed, relatively speaking.

From 6:30 am to 8:00 pm, my minutes revolve around entertaining Ailin, watching Ailin, feeding Ailin, preparing Ailin's diaper bag, cleaning up after Ailin, playing with Ailin, preparing Ailin's and my meals, taking dangerous things away from Ailin, dressing Ailin, going out with Ailin, bathing Ailin, etc. You get the picture, anyway. I really marvel at mothers who have more than one child.

During nap times or when she is (thankfully) playing contentedly by herself, I steal a few minutes to do email, search the internet for something, clean up something, use the toilet, put on make up, etc. Granted, this never lasts very long. (Luckily, she really enjoys playing with my make up bottles, so that is a safe thing to do in her presence.)

After Ailin goes to bed, I have to make dinner, eat it, clean up the kitchen, tidy the apartment up, do laundry and then collapse on the couch. Lately, because Suk is making special efforts to come home early and spend time with me, he usually arrives home right about the time I collapse on the couch, so needless to say, I must "cheerily" warm up his dinner, keep him company while he eats, then clean it up. Oh my god...I am just so tired these days.

But, once or twice a week, I make a special effort to do something for myself. For one thing, MIL is more willing to babysit now that Ailin is older, eats baby food and doesn't cry the entire time I am away. So, for a few hours a week, she usually babysits while I sneak out to meet a friend for coffee, get my hair done or just do some errands that take half the amount of time without you-know-who around. My next major goal is to get someone to babysit her so that I can thoroughly mop the floors in our apartment, but I don't want to waste my precious alone time. This is what hired help is for, if only I could afford it.

Also, once or twice a week, I make a very simple dinner for myelf, and I reserve the right to do scrapbooking rather than all the other chores that await me. Right now, I am working on a couple of projects and would like to get a couple more started, so I need some time to concentrate.

That's it for now!

Ailin

2007-09-17T15:22:00.000+09:00

Neglecting my Blog for Better Things (like Fish and Facebook)

2007-09-15T17:25:00.000+09:00

Okay, I admit it. I have been neglecting my blog for FACEBOOK, which is a totally addictive interactive way to communicate with your friends without actually meeting them face to face, because let's face it, that takes way too much energy for the modern person. (How many times can YOU use the face in a sentence?)

Face Face Face Face. I am loving that word, especially when said with a faux french accent - fa-chay, my darling, fa-chay.

Now, I am going to write about something real.

I am getting busier now that Ailin is more mobile and talkative. I am also getting my mind set on going back to work in 5 months, so I am searching a decent day-care center for her. Luckily, in Japan, there are so many to choose from just in our immediate surroundings that the main problem is discerning the slight differences between each one. It keeps me busy, anyhow. I also need to figure out how I am going to make this kid bilingual while working a full time job. It certainly won't happen by dumping her off at day care every day.

Now, I am also working on expanding my reportraire of recipes. I am, in fact, a Martha Stewart addict, but I prefer low-carb cooking, so I usually use a cook book written just for this purpose. Last week, I decided to challenge myself and make fish every day. I bought 5 different types of fish, chose 5 different recipes...and by Friday, I was so sick of fish, I wanted to kill myself. I asked SUK to please, please, please treat me to a grilled-your-own-meat restaurant on Saturday night.

Anyway, here is a list of what I made, in case you ever get the inkling to cook some fish.

Poached salmon with ginger
Tuna with wasabi sauce
Cod with lemon mayo sauce
Louisiana grilled shrimp
Fish with creamy dill sauce

Sometimes, I buy fish but have no idea what kind it is. I choose it because of its color or texture. Most of the time, it really doesn't matter. What matters most is how the fish has been cut up by those fish-cutting people in the back of the store.

I don't think I will necessarily do a Meat Week any time soon, but fish will definitely not show up on the menu for a couple weeks. That is for sure.

What American Wives in Japan SOMETIMES do

2007-08-30T19:57:00.000+09:00

After reading your comments and then worrying about the possibility of the pears rotting in their prettily wrapped box, and then also accidentally running in to the guy who owns that parking spot in the parking lot the other day, I decided to ... gulp ... swallow my pride and go down there bearing gifts for Mr 607 and apologize.

He answered the door in his boxer shorts and a t-shirt and his eyes were all bloodshot even though it was about 2pm. I think he had been sleeping...perhaps he works a night shift somewhere. He actually apologized for writing that nasty note! And, of course, he tried to refuse the gift, but that is so Japanese. He took it anyway...I mean, can you imagine if I had said, "Oh, well if you don't want it, I will gladly use it!"

Anyway, all is well and I called Suk to let him know right away. He was eternally grateful, so this weekend will be payback time in a major way. Haven't decided what I want out of him yet.

Well, I have yet another thing to add to my list of broken items - our washing machine! Now, we need to spend money on that, and soon...laundry piles build up very quickly in our house.

WHAT JAPANESE WIVES APPARENTLY DO

2007-08-28T21:48:00.000+09:00

If Suk knew how to use the phrase "Oops, my bad!" in English, I am sure that he would turn it around to say, "Oops, your bad" every time he does something that he doesn't want to own up to.

The latest thing is that he made a mistake and parked in someone else's spot in our condo's parking lot. Now, this wouldn't be such a big deal, but people pay about $30 a month for their spots, and the parking lot is elevated. This means that there are 4 levels - higher levels are cheaper because you have to wait several minute for the cars to shift over and for your car to come down to the ground level so you can get in it and drive away. It is such a hassle that we decided to pay more for a ground level spot.

Anyway, imagine this. I went out to use the car on Monday morning (to drive HIM to the station, no less!) and there was no car. My jaw dropped as I imagined all kinds of scenerios. Then, I looked up and saw it parked on the top level. When I realized what had happened, I immediately thought back to the previous day's events. I certainly didn't want to be blamed for mis-parking the car!

Fortunately, I had not gone out the day before due to a cold (and nasty pinkeye, but that is another story I have chosen not to tell here, but now you know, I have pinkeye!!!), so I had sent Suk out with my grocery list and he dutifully (if not begrudgingly) picked up all my required vegetables, meats and fishes for my new diet (yet another topic, perhaps). I guessed that he had come back and parked in the wrong spot.

So, while I tried to guess which numbers to punch into the code box so that our car would be brought down, I called Suk to tell him the news. (Did the TV say that Leos would have a bad day that day? Probably.) After two guesses, I got it right and the car did come down to the ground level...with a big note on the windshield. The man from 607 wanted us to contact him because we had parked in his spot and he was unable to park there since yesterday afternoon. Judging from his hastily written note, he was angry. I would be too! There are no other places to park in our neighborhood!!!

At first, I tried to be nice about it. Suk, it's just an honest mistake. I am surprised no one has done that to us before. Don't worry about it. I did that just the other day when I visited my friend's house and I parked in some other guy's spot rather than her husband's spot. I got a big note on the car too, but that was different. I left after 2 hours and it wasn't our condo, so chances were I would never see those people again. (and, I'm a foreigner so we are allowed a certain number of mistakes seeing as how we "can't read" or "can't speak" or "just don't understand Japanese culture."

Speaking of Japanese culture, Suk announced that we would have to go to their place, greet them and present them with a gift. I suggested he pick something up in Ginza and go and apologize to Mr 607 that evening after work. No, Suk insisted, this is the wife's job. As a wife, you must buy the present and go there and explain that your husband parked in the wrong spot. When I balked at this suggestion, he started to explain that this is how it's done in Japan, and that if I were Japanese, I would do this with no hesitation because THAT IS WHAT JAPANESE WIVES DO. (This is not in caps to represent yelling, it is in caps to show my disgust for something this is so often said to we who are not Japanese wives.) Of course, I refused because this was HIS mistake, not mine and he needed to deal with it. I would buy the present and have it gift wrapped, but that was it. (He told me it had to be seasonal fruit.)

That night he got home too late to go and see Mr 607. (In fact, he got home so late that I was already in bed, and he had forgotten in keys, so he was calling/ringing the doorbell repeatedly, but it took about 30 minutes for me to wake up and realize this, so like I said, Leos were having a bad day!) The next morning, I asked him if he would go, and he explained that people never do apologizing or greeting in the morning. Evening (early evening) is better and that is precisely why THE WIFE needs to do it. Um, no, not falling for that one. I told him that since it is seasonal fruit, he would have to get it to them sooner rather than later.

Okay, so do Japanese pears (nashi) taste good in fruit smoothies? I am just wondering because I have a feeling that I will be eating the entire box myself!

To Do Lists

2007-08-24T21:07:00.000+09:00

Today my mom emailed me to tell me that my dad misses me since I left a couple weeks ago. She also said that he commented on how he misses all the stuff I had going on around me while I stayed there. By this, I guess he means all the 10 million things I seemed to be doing at any given moment.

I have an A-type personality and can't stop myself from making obsessive to-do lists which have 3 columns. One column is for shopping. One column is for things I have to do. The third is for people I must contact in the near future. Once in a while, I forget to put something on the to-do list, so I after I have done something slightly significant (like, "Clean out refridgerator"), I will actually go back to my list, write it in, and then check it off. I just like the satisfaction of checking it off.

So, updating my blog and writing about my trip back home along with several other topics I have been mulling over is definitely an item on my to-do list, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. I still have other more pressing things to do. Here's a sampling:

Clean used baby toy with toothbrush
Organize files/documents/paperwork in new file cabinet (hey, we finally bought a file cabinet so maybe I won't lose documents anymore!)
Update scrapbooking blog
Clean Max's ears
Convince Suk to help me put up artwork that I bought in the USA (he is refusing to drill holes in our cement walls...need to keep working on him.)
Clean and organize scrapbooking area
Finish Ailin's album - section for 3-6 months
Plan Ailin's album - section for 6-9 months
Email recent photos of Ailin to friends and family

It keeps going from there. So, now you know why I haven't gotten around to writing about my trip with Ailin to the States.

Adult Plus Infant

2007-08-15T21:20:00.000+09:00

It's always hit or miss with American Airlines. This time, I traveled back to the USA and stayed for nearly one month. A good thing when traveling with an infant. I had some time to recover before getting back on a plane.

Actually, it wasn't that bad. Ailin is only 5-6 months old, so kind of immobile. She is happiest as long as her mama and milk supply are within reach, so she barely cried on the plane or at the airport! I had been so nervous before the trip, but after a few hours on the plane, I realized that she couldn't have been happier.

On the way to USA, the flight attendants were so nice and sweet. No, no one offered to hold her while I go to the bathroom or eat my meal, but they were accommodating just the same. During the first meal service, I had put Ailin in her bassinette (provided by the airline) and received my meal, but it soon became apparent that she would not be patient until I finished eating. So I returned the meal and they offered to save it until later. After the meal service was over and I was able to settle her down to sleep, they brought me a brand new meal!

The way back to Japan was another story though. I was initially assigned a seat in the middle of a middle row. I didn't realize this until I was about to get on the plane. The machine wouldn't process my boarding pass. They realized it was because my pass said "Plus Infant." So, they issued a new boarding pass. Meanwhile, the flight attendant who had taken my passports had set them down behind her. She gave me the new boarding pass, but not the passports. Luckily, I realized this just after I walked away and I went back to retrieve them. I found them sitting on the ledge behind her and I tapped her on the shoulder to let her know I was taking (my own) passports, and her attitude was like, "Yeah, I put them there for you." Well, lady, aren't these documents pretty important? A little too important for you to flippantly set them on a ledge behind you and not give them back to me? Anyone could have reached them and taken them. I wanted to say this, but didn't.

Inside the airplane, the flight attendants in my section were quite the pair. An older woman who seemed to be trying very hard to be kind. Oh, she was nice, all right. I have no complaints about her. But, her partner was the clumsiest guy I had ever seen. He would ram his cart up and down the aisles (I was so afraid that Ailin's head would be bashed in were she to be nursing on my right side with her head slightly jutting out into the aisle. I always made sure to lean way left and protect her head when I heard him coming, with or without his cart.) He ran over his poor partner's foot with the cart once and she nearly died from the pain of it. I could see it on her face as she said, "Ow....oh...it's okay." as she gave him the look of death. Then, it so happened that their extra stash of beverages, hot water and coffee were in a little cubicle in front of my seat. So, Ailin was in her bassinette next to this cubicle, which makes a lot of noise when you slam the door. Klutzy Guy made sure to slam it each time. I was so afraid that he would spill hot tea or coffee on my Ailin's head as she lay sleeping.

And, the worst incident of scariness due to Klutzy Guy. We hit turbulance during the food service and the seat belt sign went on. The pilot announced that all flight attendants pause food service, take their seats and buckle up. So, what does Klutzy Guy do? He parks his cart in the space in front of my seat with the trays facing me and he runs off! My mouth dropped open and I looked at the couple sitting across the aisle from me and the woman said, "Wow, that seems incredibly dangerous." Luckily, KG came back to properly retrieve his cart.

Note to self: Bulkhead seats are great when you travel with a child but only if they are not near the bathrooms.

Okay, more about my trip in the next post. Photos to come.

Feeling Down

2007-07-10T21:39:00.000+09:00

Thanks to those who commented about Ailin's photo. I am enjoying this time with her, and I didn't realize how much life would change with a baby. In most ways, these are good (great!) changes, so I am not complaining. I just wish I could get through my lunch at a restaurant without ... you know what I mean ... I just wish I could get through a whole meal sometimes.

Okay, this title is Feeling Down because in Japanese, they use the word "down" to describe feelings of slight depression...especially after a series of unfortunate events. This is exactly how I feel, and it sort of came to a peak today. Here is my list of events that contributed to my feeling down.

1. Our stroller was slightly broken and had to be sent back to the manufacturer. When we got it back a few weeks later, there was a note with a long explanation and illustrations describing how we had been using the stroller incorrectly. I guess it pays to read directions, even for something as mundane as a stroller. (We had lost the directions immediately after buying the stroller though!)

2. Our digital camera broke and had to be sent back to Canon. At first, we were told it would take 3 weeks and 14,000 yen to fix, but then we were able to prove that our warranty was still good and they fixed it for free. (We had lost the warranty somewhere along the way!)

3. Our car was recalled - no big deal - but it had to go in the shop for a couple of days. I still don't really understand what the problem was.

4. My computer totally and utterly crashed. I guess my iTunes was getting inundated with episodes of the Daily Show with Jon Stewart, and I didn't realize it. My hard disk became too full to function properly and I had to have everything cleared out and reinstalled. Fortunately, my files were saved, but it took 2 weeks to get it working. The guys down at PC Depot kept treating me like an idiot, but finally on the 3rd trip to the store lugging my computer and baby with me, they finally went ahead and did what I was asking them to from the beginning. I hated living without a computer for 2 weeks, and this is partly what prompted me to start blogging again.

5. My husband offered to buy a new cell phone for me - one that can be used for international calls as well. At the cell phone store, they attempted to take my old phone and transfer the phone book info to the new phone, but it broke mid-transfer and so they suggested I enter the info by hand later. When I got home, I found that my old phone couldn't be turned on at all, so I had lost all of my contacts' phone numbers! It's not like I had written anyone's numbers down!

6. And, the most recent of events - yesterday, I was driving through an intersection when a small child kicked a stone and it just happened to hit the windshield of my car. He was about 6, judging from his size, elementary school-style back pack and his apparent lack of understanding about what he had done. He was with 3 friends, and I could tell he hadn't done it on purpose. I got out of the car to confront them, but I neglected to ask him his full name, address, phone number, school's name, etc. It crossed my mind that he probably didn't know this information himself, or if he did, he had been taught not to tell it to strangers. However, after the fact, I have thought of several ways I could have handled the situation. However, I had stopped the car in kind of a bad place on the road and Ailin was asleep in her car seat. I couldn't leave the scene to follow the kid home and talk to his mom or force him to take me back to his school so I could speak with the teacher. It was terrible luck, really. The windshield is now cracked.

It dawned on me after this incident that although I had been able to handle the first 5 cases with relative ease - everything was fixed with no problem, apt cooperation from Suk, and I had a chance to demonstate my Japanese skills in a variety of situations. However, this last one left me feeling paralyzed. I realized that I don't know how to call the police, I didn't know how to describe the street corner we were on, and I wouldn't have known how to describe the situation to the police over the phone. I also didn't know exactly how to talk to the young child - which words do they understand? How polite do I have to be? What would be appropriate to say to him? And, if I had gotten into an accident with another car, I would definitely not know what to do, how to call the insurance co., how to describe anything. The whole incident left me quite humbled.

7. And, this is not related to electronics, but I have not been able to lose the pregnancy weight. All of my friends have been able to lose it already, but Ailin is almost 5 months, and I am as fat as ever...and getting fatter. I only have two pairs of pants - one pair is maternity pants - that I can wear, and I have to wear very large, loose-fitting t-shirts. I often ask Suk why the weight won't go away, and his response is usually something like "It's because you eat fatty, greasy foods all the time. Those other women are probably eating very healthily." or "It's because you don't exercise. You should take up jogging or something."

Frankly, I don't see how that can happen...the jogging thing I mean. My right foot hurts like hell, and I can't even sit in certain positions without getting these shooting pains up my foot. So, I am considering getting a pool membership somewhere and going for aqua-aerobics, but then I have to find someone to care for Ailin during these times. Not an easy task.

As for the eating fatty, greasy foods...no, I do not eat these types of foods constantly. Okay, I do/did have a daily craving for chocolate and coke, but that was it! His theory was blown out of the water today when I went out to eat lunch with a mom frmo my playgroup. She seems to be back down her pre-preggers weight as she is totally skinny! For lunch, guess what she ate?! Three donuts from Mr Donuts. That's it. This was her "lunch", not a snack! Meanwhile, I couldn't even get through my bowl of chilled udon noodles because Ailin was screaming her head off.

Martha Stewart Almost Saved My Marriage

2007-07-10T21:31:00.000+09:00

I actually have something more pressing to write about, but this title has been knocking around in my head for days now.

I admit...I am a sucker for Martha Stewart's TV shows. They are shown on LaLa channel here, both her old one from the early 90's (pre-scandel) and the current one which began to air after she became a free-bird. Anyway, I love both for different reasons, and Suk sometimes comments on my hankering for Martha and her housewifey show.

Then, one day, for the first time, I made one of her recipes. I was just watching her make roast chicken with some young buck who had graduated from Yale (who now has his own show), and it looked easy so that night, I attempted to make the same thing.

Since then, Suk has been requesting "Martha-style" dinners. I didn't think pleasing him would be easy! And for days, I was on a high thinking that Martha Stewart saved my marriage, but then the inevitable happened.

I made roast chicken the following week, and it didn't turn out quite as good. Of course, keep in mind that he was eating it for breakfast since he had come home too late the night before. The chicken was dry and not quite as good. He didn't even eat all of it. I was disappointed, but haven't lost hope.

Now, Martha's web site is bookmarked at the top of my browser, so I can check for recipes every couple of days. (Not every day...mind you...you think I'm crazy?)

Update

2007-07-05T19:54:00.000+09:00

Ailin at 4 Months Old

Since I haven't written much in so long, I will start with an update.

My daughter, Ailin, was born on February 15. She was two weeks early, but there were no complications and it was a completely natural delivery. (7 1/2 hours from start to finish, in case you were wondering.) She is a nice little baby - we were lucky to have an easy time with breastfeeding, at least. I felt blessed to have an easy baby after enduring such a hard marriage these past few years. I doubt I could have handled a really colicky baby and post partum depression on top of a difficult home life.

These days, at almost 5 months old, she is going to bed at 7:30 pm, so that leaves me some free time in the evenings to do my own thing. During the day though, she keeps me pretty busy. All household chores must be done in her presence or we have to listen to "complaining". I recently bought a bumbo chair so she can sit in it and watch me while I hang laundry or clean up the kitchen, but even that doesn't last too long. We try to go out at least once a day, and of course we take the dog for a walk every morning.

Today, we went to the Flower Museum, and she seemed to enjoy looking at all the colors of flowers. We also stopped at my workplace to visit them. They always enjoy seeing Ailin and of course, the high school kids go nuts over her.

In the afternoons, we try to nap together on the couch with Max. Max lies in the crook of my knees while she lies next to my chest so she can nurse herself to sleep. It works out well, and I either watch TV, read or sleep during these quiet times of the day.

But at around 4pm, she wakes up from her nap and I try to fend off "witching hour" by keeping her thoroughly entertained until her bathtime at 6:30. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. We used to go for walks with Max at this time of the day, but since summer hit, it is too hot at that time of the day to go outside. I am also pretty tired by that time, I have to admit.

At night, she goes to sleep around 7:30, but then starts to wake up from 11pm or 12am on. She wakes every 2 or 3 hours and nurses back to sleep. So, in order to get enough sleep myself, we bring her to bed with us from about 1 or 2 am and she nurses whenever she needs to during the night.

Ailin has made a few friends already...actually I have made a few friends who just happen to have babies around the same age. Lani, a Canadian friend, and I started a playgroup in our area and we meet once a week. So far, there are only 5 members in this group, but we plan to expand in August. I love the women in the group even though they are Japanese and we have to communicate mostly in Japanese. It is good practice for us, at least. And, we can get a lot of information from them that we otherwise would not be privy to. In any case, starting this group was a great idea.

Ailin and I are going back to the USA next week for about one month. We will stay with my parents in Wisconsin most of the time, but then we are going to Colorado for Shannon's wedding for about 1 week. Going on this trip is nervewracking enough since Ailin and I are traveling alone, but Suk (my husband) is really resentful of the fact that we are going. So, every chance he gets to complain about it, he goes on and on about what a horrible thing I am doing. Well, in any case, I am really looking forward to introducing Ailin to her American family and to participating in Shannon's wedding.

New Directions

2007-07-03T16:37:00.000+09:00

Now it is July...finally. I thought this month would never come. My birthday is this Saturday and I am turning 31. I am trying to convince my husband to allow me to commandeer my birthday plans since I always have to share the celebration with MIL whose birthday is one day before mine. Anyway, SIL used to plan these events and make all the arrangements, but since getting married, she no longer takes part in these piddly family - only the big ones like New Years. Rather than have a half-assed, last minute plan, I think I would like to make the arrangements myself. Oh, am I sounding bitter again?

Okay, well, let me explain. My last entry in this blog was in February, and I hadn't been writing much in the 2 months before that. I made the decision to take a break from blogging due to the faltering state of my marriage. A friend or two commented on how bitter I was sounding in my blogs, and I was slightly taken aback. Did I sound bitter? I was trying to find the humor in my unfortunate situations, but I guess it wasn't working. So, on that note, I abruptly stopped writing so that I could concentrate on improving my marriage.

I won't get into detail, but one of my tasks was to get MIL on my side rather than constantly allowing myself to be played against her. The other was to work on my reactions to him, and in other words, attempt to cultivate a calm, soothing environment rather than a volitile and bitter one. Sounds easy, right? No, we still have a long ways to go, but I am happy to announce that things are improving.

And, meanwhile, I kept getting the question from friends and family and readers, "what happened to your blog?" I wanted to start writing again, but if I can't write about my bitter-sweet problems, than what the hell do I write about??? So, I had to consider taking the blog in new direction. While updating friends and family about my life here, I still want to have a slightly entertaining blog. Though I have weighed several different options for directions, nothing spectacular comes to mind.

Here are some options I was considering:
1. My daughter's daily activities.

(boring...all she does is eat, sleep, cry, poop, play with her toys or with my face, smile her adorable smile and do the whole thing over again.)

2. My thoughts on Japan and life here

(not much to say...I have surrounded myself with everything American...my apartment has no tatami, I only listen to American music and radio stations, I hang out at Starbucks and go shopping at Costco and Ikea. How much more American can you get?)

3. A diary from my dog's perspective

(hard....I am already doing this in Japanese on a mixi. (Mixi is the Japanese version of blogger only way cooler.) It is not the easiest topic for a blog.)

4. My Daily Life in Japan...only less bitter

(this might be doable, and that is a big MIGHT. I don't want to seem like I am bragging here, but every day has some bitterness to it, and it would be hard to keep it out of this blog.)

Any thoughts? Anyone still there?

Titles that would be of interest to the common woman

2007-01-12T20:01:00.000+09:00

First, I must say that I just finished reading the book called "The Bitch in the House". One day after finishing it, I was paging through my Glamour magazine when I came across an article entitled "The Seven Levels of Love" with subtitles such as "Infatuation", "Free-fallin'", "Getting Emotionally Naked", "Call it ESP", "Breathing Room", "The Second Fall", and "As Good as it Gets".

Now, I did not bother to read this article, even the first paragraph. Why? Because I was too busy puking on my shoes.

Puh-lease!!!

I cannot remember the last time I felt any of these feelings for my husband of five years. This is not to say that I do not love him or that I want to get a divorce. But, I want to suggest some titles that would be of interest to people like me.

"How To Ignore Your Husband...Just Like He Ignores You."
"How To Get What You Want Without Having to Beg For It."
"What Makes a Man Think He Knows Everything When Actually He Doesn't Even Have a Clue."
"Giving a Man a Clue"
"Saying 'Uh huh, you're right' and Then Going and Doing What You Want To Anyway."
"Making Sure Your Man Doesn't Find Out What You Have Been Up To"

and finally...

"How To Sacrifice Your Need for Justification Without Sacrificing Your Dignity"

(Folks, as I write this, I am not in an angry or even a mildy irritated mood. This particular post is meant to make your nod your heads only...not to worry or fret over MandeJ's current situation. Don't we all feel this way sometimes? Oh come on...even you couples who claim to have never fought about anything...it never crossed your mind that your mate perhaps was clueless about something?)

Workshops & Home Classes

2006-12-02T16:36:00.000+09:00

For any of you who have expressed interest in scrapbooking, I want to let you know that I am starting to have workshops at my house every month. Each month, I will have a theme. This month's theme is "Let's Get Organized."

The hardest step to starting a photo album is to locate the photos you want to use! CM provides us with several photo-safe products to help us organize our photos. Once you organize your photos, you are on your way to making great albums. And whenever you need a certain photo from April 2004, you will know just where to go!

December dates are as follows:
Tuesday 12/12 2:00-6:00
Friday 12/15 10:00-2:00

Although both workshops are 4 hours long, you do not need to be there the whole time. Workshops are a come-and-go thing.

The cost of attending a workshop is 1000 yen. You get a workspace, free use of my tools and the chance to purchase some products individually as you work.

I do encourage you to bring stuff to work on. If there are certain things you need, please order them ahead of time so they can be ready for you when you arrive at the workshop. Otherwise, you can put in an order while at the workshop. Several things will be available for purchasing on the spot.

If you are an absolute beginner, I would encourage you to coordinate a home class or to attend a workshop especially for beginners. Of course, I will be able to teach you individually at a workshop, if one of the other options doesn't work for you.

For more details about what to bring and how to get here, please email me privately.

What is a home class?
A home class can take place at your house, another place of your choosing, or even at my house. If you act as a coordinator, you would be in charge of inviting people to the class, collecting 1000 yen from each participant, and "hosting" the class.

Home classes are 2 hours long, and participants are asked to bring 5-10 photos of the same theme (wedding, party, trip, etc), so that they can make 1 page. I will teach the step-by-step process of making the page by teaching how to use the cropping tools, lay out techniques & journaling. Plus, I will provide all the materials you need to make this page!

Participants are under no obligation to purchase any products from Creative Memories, but they do get a catalog to take home, in case they decide to purchase at a later date. The coordinator receives a couple of free gifts for hosting the class, and there is the opportunity to receive a free album depending on how much her particpants order.

MIL Back Again; Steals Thunder

2006-12-01T14:33:00.000+09:00

Ah, another story about my MIL.

Last week was our 5-year wedding anniversary. I wasn't expecting anything special, but my husband and I had plans to eat dinner at a fancy-schmancy restaurant on the weekend. We were intending to use the gift certificates we had received from someone last Christmas.

Anywho, just after I got home on Thursday night, the night in question, I received a very rare phone call from my MIL. She said she would be dropping something off in a few minutes. I assumed that it had something do with our anniversary, as in the years past, she has always left something on our doorstep.

Let's see, one year, I believe it was the red-bean rice stuff, which my husband loves, but I refuse to make. Honestly, I don't remember the other gifts, but I know she has always acknowledged the day in some way.

So, this time, she dropped off a bag, but did not come into the house. As usual, she refused to come past the genkan (so Max was really peeved about that. He thought Grandma had come over to play with him!), and she came and left in a whirlwind.

I opened the bag to find a bouquet of flowers and a cake. The cake had one of those little signs which says "Happy Wedding Anniversary" on it. Touching. It suddenly occurred to me that I, myself, should be giving Suk some kind of gift, but I had not prepared anything. Oh well. (He is getting an iPod for Christmas, so I am doing my part, at least.)

Then, a couple of hours later, I get a phone call from Suk. He wants to come home early to eat dinner together and celebrate our anniversary. How rare! He informs me that he is stopping at a bakery in Ginza to pick up ... you guessed it ... a cake.

Now, I did not mention the fact that his mom had already dropped off a cake. I was just so flattered that he had thought ahead, and that he was actually going to get a cake BEFORE getting on a train. There's a first time for everything, and to be perfectly honest, I would much rather receive a cake from my husband on our anniversary than from my MIL. I did not avoid telling him just so I could eat 2 cakes. That was the LAST thing I wanted.

Suk came home and was quite proud of himself for getting the cake. I made a Japanese-style dinner, and after eating, it was time for dessert. I let him know that his mom had brought over a gift and he should open it. Guess what! A cake!

Guess what his reaction was?

Anger.

Somehow, all of this became my fault because now we would have to eat TWO cakes. Well, I was thinking, but did not say, that it was quite strange that his mom brought over flowers and a cake. I mean, isn't that supposed to be HIS job as the husband? Does she think he is married to her? Does she think that giving us romantic gifts is appropriate?

Immediately, Suk called his mom to thank her for the gifts and tell her how delicious the cake was. But, as soon as he got off the phone, he tore me a new ass because I had been so "selfish" not to tell him. And then, he said we would have to eat BOTH of cakes and how terrible that is.

While eating the cake from her, I asked him if he even likes this kind of cake. "No!" Well, me either. As soon as that cake was eaten, he opened up the box of cakes he had brought from Tokyo. There were 4 pieces in there, and he demanded that I eat at least one of them and save the other for breakfast.

I tried to tell him about how my stomach has decreased in size and I really can't eat as much as I used to. I am so full. Please don't make me eat this, but the look on his face told me to just shut up and eat it.

Then, he said in a sarcastic tone (inherited from me, I am sure), "You should just be happy that my mom remembers our anniversary every year. So, what did your parents give us for our anniversary?"

"A card with $20 in it. Remember?"

"Oh."

True Irony at home

2006-11-09T18:00:00.000+09:00

Here is a weird chain of events that occurred just the other night.

Went out to dinner with a friend and her husband.

Came home at 8pm.

Intended to feed and walk dog immediately.

Phone rang. It was a relatively new friend.
(By the way, any phone call from a friend is such a rarity that I find it impossible to say to that person, "Look, I am really busy right now. Can I call you back later?")

So, we chatted for an hour, while became so engrossed in the conversation that I paid no attention to Max.

Hung up the phone.

Fed the dog.

Went to bedroom to change into more comfy clothes for walking.

Noticed that tennis shoe was sitting on the center of the bed.

Hmmm.

Noticed that there was a large puddle underneath the shoe.

Realized that Max had peed on the bed.
(By the way, this is not the first time. It happens if I neglect to take him outside when he is expecting it. And, this is the precise reason why I usually keep the bedroom door shut.)

Stripped the bed of its quilt and winter blankets.

Threw the quilt in the washer.

Realized that we would have no blankets, lest I wash and dry them before bedtime.

Took Max outside for walk.

Decided to take blankets to local laundromat so they could be properly washed and dried quickly.

I had 90 minutes to accomplish this since the place closes at 11pm.

I packed the blankets up in my huge Costco bags and loaded them up in the car.

I drove the car (for the first time by myself) to the laundromat.
(By the way, in the past, I would have loaded the blankets onto my bicycle, but my bicycle no longer has working breaks...plus, I am pregnant. Pregnant ladies shouldn't be riding bikes with heavy loads tied onto the back, especially with no breaks.)

I drove without incident.

At the laundromat, while waiting, I sat down to enjoy a good book and to drink a Pocari Sweat (sports drink) from the vending machine.

I called my husband. He asked me where I was. I told him where. He asked me how I got there. I told him how.

He got really angry and tore me a new ass.

I told him I couldn't talk right now, and hung up the phone.

When the blankets had dried, I packed them up in the Costco bags along with my Pocari Sweat, and loaded them into the car.

I drove home without incident.

I took the blankets back up to our place.

I removed them from the bags and re-made the bed.

I noticed a big wet spot on the quilt.

The culprit, this time, was my pocari sweat which had not been closed tightly.

The puddle was in the exact same place that the pee puddle had been.

Noting this example of true irony, I finished making the bed.

A puddle of Pocari Sweat is better than a puddle of pee.

I lay down on the couch to rest a bit before going to bed.

Suk called. He seemed to want to continue tearing me a new ass.

It got ugly...real ugly.

Had I been more careful in the first place, none of this would have happened.

Dwarfed Body Parts

2006-11-05T22:47:00.000+09:00

This weekend, Suk and I took what we like to think of as our last "getaway". We spent one night in Kamakura at a hotel called The Society. We go there every year, and it had been about 18 months since our last visit.

I made the mistake of not packing any maternity clothes, when I am, in fact, at the point where I need to be wearing maternity, lest I get mistaken for someone who doesn't know how to dress herself.

Since we have a digital camera, I was able to immediately view any photos taken of me among the scenery of Kamakura. Well, to my surprise, I have now developed these humongous boobs, which sort of spread out to each side making way for a little round belly and beneath that, wide hips and big thighs. If I am not mistaken, the wide hips and thighs were there before, but they were not quite as "out there." I started to feel sorry for myself, and I began asking Suk questions like, "Do you think people realize that I am pregnant? Or do you think they just assume I am fat?" Well, I suppose he didn't quite know how to answer this, so he said, "If you had super skinny legs and small breasts, then of course you would look pregnant. But, you don't have super skinny legs and small breasts." Thanks. Ever heard of the simple answer, "Of course you look pregnant, honey? How could people NOT realize that?"

Later that night, we went our separate ways to bathe in the hotel's bath. Suk is lucky because every where you go, there are LESS men around. Sometimes, he is the only one bathing. As for me, there are always lots of women. There are just more of us in this world.

Right away, I started to feel more uncomfortable than usual. I thought the fact that I am pregnant would mean that people would do double-takes at my huger than huge breasts. As if that thought wasn't bad enough. When I got to the changing room, there was a mom with her teenage daughter and (what looked to be) 9-year old son. Okay, 4 or 5 years old is understandable. But 9?

The bath itself was so full that all the shower stalls were occupied, and after my initial rinse, I had to wait over an hour for a shower stall so I could actually wash myself. I waited in the baths, but could only submerge my body in the coolest bath (pregnant women have to take care not to let their bodies get too hot), which was usually full. I finally secured a spot in there after waiting for about 40 minutes. So, I sat on the edge of the other bath with my big boobs hanging around my stomach while that 9-year old boy's mom helped him to shower 4 times. This last sentence will make more sense later in the story.

Now, this whole time, I was not feeling relaxed at all. I should have just left and gone back to the room. But, I was determined to follow through because I like the soap and shampoo that the hotel provides for the showers. Instead, I sat there watching everyone like a hawk until a shower stall opened up. I was practically seething.

Here is what I noticed. These people sure like to waste water. They wash their hair for 20 minutes. Then, they wash their bodies for 20 more minutes. Then, they rinse off and putter around for several more minutes. Finally, they get up and make their way over to the bath for a soak. Before they leave their shower stall, one of their cronies (perhaps a family member or a friend) comes and waits until they're done, and they take over the shower stall. This happened over and over, and often the original water-hog returned to her shower stall after a short soak, and repeated the process all over again. This is what I meant about that 9-year old boy getting washed down by his mom 4 times. While they soaked in the tub together, the teenage daughter was tediously washing her hair and body.

So, finally, I got a shower stall and I tried to take my time, but I just can't seem to stretch a good hair-washing into 20 minutes. And, here is the part where I finally say something funny about the size of my boobs. When naked in a room full of naked women, you cannot help but compare yourself a bit. These Japanese women have breasts about the same size as my husband's. Meanwhile, when I wash, I actually have to lift my breast up in order to wash beneath it. This was not an issue for me before. Now, my breasts have not only grown, but they are also quite heavy, and they dwarf my pregnant belly, which makes me feel even more self-conscious. Okay, back to the ofuro dilemma.

I left the ofuro and went to the changing room, where the little family was still changing their clothes. The 9-year old boy was all dressed and ready to go, but his sister was taking her time. I thought to myself, "Why in the hell is he still hangin' around?" There are about 10 other women in the dressing room all in various states of nakedness, and he is just standing there. Why doesn't his mom tell him to go and wait out by the vending machines?

New Endeavor

2006-11-02T11:11:00.000+09:00

Okay, as promised I will now reveal my decision.

Not that it is a big deal.

For those who know me well or have been to my house, I am really into scrapbooking and have been for about 9 or 10 years.

I wanted to make a career of it somehow, but wasn't sure how to go about it and read some books to get ideas. Finally, though, I decided to take the easy route and join Creative Memories (CM) as an instructor. So, now I can host workshops or I can teach classes about scrapbooking, and I can sell the products.

So far, I have no workshops planned in the near future, but I would like to start having some after the holidays. I think people are getting too busy right about now, and I actually plan to attend three scrapbooking workshops (hosted by other people) in the next two months, so I'll be quite busy myself.

When I stop working in January, I thought that would be a good time to get started. For now, I have several projects I am working on, and I am planning to sign up for an on-line art class.

So, though I have considered grad school and getting a degree in TESOL, I haven't gone that route yet. Suk is not exactly supportive of continuing education. That is an understatement, by the way. He has asked me why I didn't major in art or graphic design in college though. Well, it was partly because I didn't know I was that interested in it at the time, but luckily I DO use my Communication Arts major every day for my job, so that was worth something.

Well, I never...

2006-10-27T12:37:00.000+09:00

This week has been busy with various activity.

I made friends with a girl in my neighborhood who is expecting her first baby in December. She came over and we mulled over our problems with daily life and pregnancy.

And, I just realized that in the previous paragragh, I referred to my friend as a "girl", when actually she is a grown woman, one year older than me. It reminds me of the time that I briefly considered joining an on-line community for pregnant women. You could join groups according to your due date, so that you'd be able to commisserate with other group members. Before actually joining, I previewed the latest messages, and I was surprised by what I found.

Of the several members who had already joined up for the early March due date group, 2 of them were 15-year olds "expecting their first" child, and another was a 16-year old. Well, I never...

I am certain that these young girls need lots of support throughout this experience, but I was not about to share my most intimate fears and concerns with some high school girls. So, I clicked off of that site immediately and decided that meeting people face to face would be better.

Other than that, I have been busy with the usual. Japanese class, exam week at school, Max & and my new endeavor. Which I will reveal to you soon. The guesses were close, and obviously the people who guessed know me quite well. It is more on the creative side than the academic side though.

____head is History

2006-10-19T11:15:00.000+09:00

I really have to control myself whenever I talk about this guy because a stream of expletives is likely to excape from my mouth (or from my fingers when typing.)

This week, my colleague, who recently put in his resignation and gave one month's notice completely stopped coming to school.

When they called him to ask what was wrong, he claimed that he has developed influenza. Now, both you and I know that influenza does not actually strike until December or January. And, since his wife is a doctor, I am sure that they are aware of this fact.

So, of course we thought it was strange, and so he was granted a personal visit by the vice-principal and a fellow teacher. Of course, he was found to be in perfect health and was told that his services are no longer needed.

Apparently, he and his wife carefully read over the contract and found that he would be eligible for 20 days of sick leave with pay if indeed has an illness. So, this was their (his) plan. To leave the rest of us hanging, just before an exam period with no files or information passed from him to us. This guy has no class!

And, like we said when we read the resignation letter, it seems like he is an old pro at this kind of thing.

Now, on the bright side (because I ALWAYS try to find the bright side of things), his sudden resignation kind of inspired me to change something in my own life.

Here is a guy who is 38 years old and has been teaching ESL for the past 15 or so years in 3 different Asian countries. And, he got to the point where he realized that he was burned out on it. (To be honest, judging from his abilities & personality, I really doubt that he ever went through a good phase before getting burned out.) Anyway, I asked what he planned to do after leaving this job, and I expected him to say that he would be a househusband, since his wife is a doctor and technically, he does not need to work. This is precisely what he told another co-worker. But, to me, he explained briefly that he would like to write a book. Hmmm...interesting. Though he wouldn't reveal what he planned to write, I imagine that he felt time was passing him by, and that he ought to do some of this stuff before he gets too old or misses the opportunity (like his wife divorcing him and then he would have to work again). In a way, this inspired me to do the thing that I have been wanting to do for the past 6 years but never took that step. So, I did finally make my decision to go ahead with it, and I am very excited about it. So perhaps, _____head coming into my life (and then leaving it again) did prompt me to take this step.

So, there you go. A Bright Side.

Life...laugh about it

2006-10-16T21:21:00.001+09:00

Rather than call this entry "Update", I thought I would give it a cooler name. When weird things happen in your life, you should just laugh it off. Or like my colleague who says "Thank you!" and walks away every single time someone insults him. (I am NOT talking about my foreign colleague who recently resigned.)

Me
I am literally up to my ears in scrapbooking projects right now. After reading two books about design and planning, I felt inspired to get going on some new albums. But first, I need to finish my current project. Also, my friend Louise is coming to visit for the weekend mainly to work on scrapbooking with me. (She is also supposed to help put wallpaper borders up in the baby's room.) So, before Louise arrives, I need to get everything in order so that I will have plenty of scrapbooking stuff to do with her.

I am also updating all my files and making explanation sheets for all of my lesson and unit plans. This is for the next teacher who takes my place (and Dildo's place), so that they won't be left hanging. If only I had had something like this when I first started. My hair started falling out during my first year due to the stress of being at such a loss. Anyway, this is a big job and requires a lot of time, but I refuse to take work home these days! So, I am determined to get it all done AT school.

I have recently made a huge decision that will affect my life in a big way. It is really exciting for me, and I have been waiting 6 years to come to this point, so I am glad that I am finally taking this step. I think that the timing is right as I will have 14 months off of work, so despite Matt's appearance next March, I should probably have time to do this as well. I will announce it soon...very soon.

Max
He farts a lot. Really smelly farts that suddenly waft over in your direction. Also, now that the weather is cooling off, he has become much more cuddly. He wants to be right next to me at all times so we can share body heat. What a user! I am going to make an album dedicated to him called "The Many Personalities of Max". Well, that will be later, after my other projects get off the ground.

Suk
Suk is practicing driving every weekend now, and he is making marked improvement. It is much better to drive with him WITHOUT his parents along. I have a whole list of stores that I want him to drive me to, but so far we have only made it to 3 of them. Okay, that is a start. I will probably never run out of stores that I want to go to. (BTW, I got my international license and will be practicing driving in Japan on the opposite side of the road in the coming weeks. My goal is to get my Japanese license before Christmas...or least before they bar me taking the driving test due to my impending largeness.)

Us
Suk and I are getting along much better since I came back from my trip to the USA. Our fights are much less frequent and they are becoming more "normal". Hey, I am not sure what a normal fight sounds like, but I do know what is NOT normal. And, after 2 years of really shitty, abnormal fights, we are finally over that hump, I think. This probably makes me the happiest of all.

My Family
What can I say? My mom and dad are doing fine. Mom is quilting her butt off. She whips them out faster than I can say Quilters Anonymous. I wish I could get a scrapbook done that quickly. I would like to get up the nerve to ask her to make a new quilt for our bed, but that is just because I want something that will match the new curtains, which I have not chosen or bought yet. Did you catch that stupid, complicated sentence?

My brother. Oh dear, what can I say? He is back in town. My best friends who have known me since childhood (and who have the pleasure of being acquainted with him as well) will know what I mean when I say, "he is back." Have you heard the news that the 22-year old guy in Iowa killed his entire family? Well, that is the reason why my husband always worries when my brother comes back to town. Now, you can get an idea of what we are dealing with.

Luckily though, my sister and I are getting along. She started a blog about her quilting, and I linked it up to my blog. She makes the coolest quilts. I don't know how my parents created such creative kids. Even my brother is creative in his own insanity-stricken way.

Okay, that is it for now. Probably boring to readers who don't know me personally, but I have to do this once in a while.

To the Max

2006-10-05T14:09:00.001+09:00

I know I should be working right now - correcting essays or whatever, but I want to write a little entry in honor of my dog, who is now 10 months old.

He has now graduated to a real dog bed. He seems to like it and has not soiled it (well, not since the very first day I presented it to him and then had to take it away for a month!).

He still doesn't like wearing a raincoat, and even if he does have one on, he won't move an inch once he gets outside. So, we do without, and we get wet. But, I could not pass up this one opportunity to take a picture.

Until my husband took this photo of us last weekend, I didn't realize how big Max had gotten.

When he runs around with his little football toy, I say, "Come on Reggie, over here!" in honor of Reggie White of NFL fame. If Max was human, he would definitely be a wide receiver.

When Christmas comes early

2006-10-03T20:09:00.000+09:00

What would be the ultimate Christmas present for you?

Mine came today in the form of someone's resignation. My other colleague suggested getting a cake to celebrate and that we should have the words "Good-bye ---" decorated on the cake. Well, that won't happen until he actually walks out the door in one month, but we'll look forward to that day with all of our hearts.

Shocking as it is, we could not help but smile as we read the two-page resignation letter detailing his "issues" with this job...as if these issues were caused by us. Oh well, we know better.

I don't have to submit my typed document listing the 30 reasons why they should fire him, but my Japanese co-worker still wants me to, so that our bosses will understand that his resignation was not in fact "our fault."

I will do what I can, but for now, I will drink a coke to celebrate this one small victory.

iTunes Top 25 Songs

2006-10-02T10:46:00.000+09:00

Sometimes, just for fun, I check out my 25 Most Played Songs List on iTunes. I am embarrassed that some of these songs are in fact in my Top 25, but I suppose that says something about my laziness to organize my iTunes better. What's on your Top 25?

(By the way, Chances Are sung by Bob Seger and Martina McBride is my all time favorite song...at least for right now.)

I Hope (Katrina Charity Version) Dixie Chicks

Tonight I Wanna Cry Keith Urban

Jesus, Take the Wheel Carrie Underwood

Cowboy Take Me Away Dixie Chicks

Independence Day Martina McBride

Bless the Broken Road Rascal Flatts

Bad Day Daniel Powter

Fast Cars and Freedom Rascal Flatts

These Are the Days Keith Urban

The Reason Hoobastank

Red Neck Woman Gretchen Wilson

Chances Are Bob Seger with Martina McBride

Seasons of Love Rent

Never Surrender Corey Hart

Mountain Music Alabama

Days Go By Keith Urban

Angel Sarah McLachlan

Kiss This Thing Goodbye Del Amitri

Sunglasses At Night Corey Hart

There is No Arizona Jamie O'Neal

The Flame Cheap Trick

The Cowboy In Me Tim McGraw

Should've Been A Cowboy Toby Keith

Fix You (Live) Coldplay

You're Beautiful James Blunt

Vices and more

2006-09-28T14:37:00.001+09:00

Okay, I admit it. I am a already being a bad mother.

I like to drink coca-a-cola. And though I avoid drinking it every day, I can't help but indulge a few times a week. To be sure, on those days I try to avoid coffee.

Which brings me to another point - coffee consumption. I don't drink the real stuff (that nasty shit they make in our staff room at work tends to lead to sores all over the inside of my mouth), but I do drink Cafe Mocha (powder with hot water added), and when I go to a coffee shop (which you all know that I cannot stay away from even if I try), I often order a Cafe Mocha or something of that nature.

And speaking of mocha, I can't resist chocolate or chocolate chip cookies to this day. So, either I order one at the coffee shop or I bake them.

And when I don't get my cookie for the day, I go for a potato chips from the grocery store. Sometimes, I buy them on the way home from work and eat them as an after-school snack. Other times, my husband (who is so much worse than me) brings them home and eats them for this after-dinner snack. And, then when I get up in the morning, I eat the leftovers for my before-breakfast snack.

When I first realized I was preggers, I dug out my copies of "What to Eat When Expecting" and "What to Expect and Expecting." I faithfully tried the "diets" that they recommend, but that lasted about 2 days. It was shocking to me that a woman could last 9 months on such a restrictive diet. Then, I made the decision that I have quite enough stress in my life without having to add a diet to the mix. So, I stopped worrying so much, except that I still must be worrying because I am writing about it right now.

(And, yes I have to admit that I had a crying fit while visiting my parents in WI because I was so worried that I wasn't eating right. I kept talking about "retardation", and finally, my mom said, "Worrying about such a thing will only make it worse.")

And, then there is all the advice that random people give me.
"Don't gain more than 10kg because that is the rule in Japan."
"Be sure to listen to classical music a lot."
"Don't ride on any type of transportation."
"Don't ride your bicycle."

Today, I am going to do something really enjoyable. A reflexology hot stone massage (basically a foot/leg massage using essential oil and heated stones), and oh, this will feel so nice on my aching feet. This is the kind of vice I need much more of.

Update: I did go to my reflexology appointment, but they turned me away. Why, you say? Because this salon does not serve pregnant women. They explained that the oils absorb into the blood stream and can affect the fetus. Well, well, well...that is news to me. This wave of frustration came over me because I had been looking forward to this special treat for weeks. My feet, legs and hips hurt so badly that I just needed something (anything!) that would relieve the pain. I started crying right then and there, and I couldn't stop. When a white woman cries, her face gets all red and blotchy, her eyes turn a deep crimson, and there I was looking like someone had just told me my husband was killed. I left there and had to be real careful not to run into any students. I went straight to 31 Flavors and bought myself a six-pack of ice cream sandwiches (to share with Suk of course!).

By the way, I have been looking for a place that offers water aerobics for pregnant women, but the classes are always on weekday afternoons. I guess they assume that all pregnant women are also housewives. I am getting really tired of being told that I can't or shouldn't do something because I am pregnant.

Nonetheless, here is a website I found (http://www.essentialoils.co.za/pregnancy.htm) containing information about the essential oils you should avoid during pregnancy (which is in fact all of them). Since the place I go to specializes in Aromatherapy, they could not offer any of their other services to me, since they all involve oils. They told me to ask my doctor next time to recommend some places that cater to pregnant women. It is tough living in a country where the information is not necessarily at your fingertips. I feel so ignorant and illiterate at times.

Homegoing

2006-09-26T19:59:00.000+09:00

Now, I can write about my visit to Wisconsin.

This time, I had three main goals.

1. To go shopping for maternity/baby items.
2. To spend time with family before I become a mom with responsibilities.
3. To spend time with Amy - a promise made last Christmas because we weren't able to meet at that time.

As for Number 1, before leaving Japan, I made sure to research a bit. I asked Wendy (a friend who had a baby last year) since these things would be fresh in her mind. I also joined an e-group for AFWJ that specializes in babies and children topics. I received lots of advice about necessary items. After returning, I have had to shop a bit on-line as I could not find everything I needed. Remember, I am from the boondocks, and the closest they had to a baby/maternity store was a Target.

As for Number 2, this was just my own selfish need to be babied one last time by my parents. I spent much of the time sleeping, napping and watching CNN. Dad and I took the dogs out for walk in the woods almost every day. Grandma & Grandpa took me out for lunch (at her favorite bar). Mom held a big family gathering and invited way too many people. I was usually so exhausted by 7pm that this party was more than I could handle. But, those bratwursts and hotdogs on the grill were so tasty!

As for Number 3, Amy is one of my dear friends whom I have known since our moms were in Homemakers together. She was slightly annoyed when I had no room in my schedule to meet her last Christmas, so we promised to spend some quality time together this summer. It was so worth it. We took her two boys camping in the wilderness of WI. Since Amy is married to a "foreigner" herself, she and I always have a lot to talk [complain] about.

Comments

2006-09-26T19:37:00.000+09:00

I didn't realize that a pregnancy would inspire so many replies. Thank you for congratulating us. It is so much better than hearing things like, "Were you trying?", "Is this an accident?", "Are you sure?" In general, Japanese people are tickled pink when they hear of anything that will help to increase the birthrate, but these were some of the reactions of friends or family back home. Before I launch into a narrative of my trip home last month, I want to reply to some of the comments.

Grandma Feeds Beer to Grandbabies
Well, my grandma did this to me. I was probably not a little baby at the time, but I do remember approaching her with my little cup and asking for refill. She would fill it with about one sip of beer, and off I would go to drink it. Now, this was back in the days when seatbelts were not a requirement by law. And, when my grandma was babysitting me, she would take me with her to go barhopping. Before you faint from disbelief, there is a silver lining. Now, as an adult, I refuse her invitations to go barhopping. I did not turn into a alcoholic. And, I never became an uncontrollable teenager partying until I had to go to the ER to get my stomach pumped...like some of the kids I went to high school with. So, "illahee", don't fret too much if your MIL or mother lets your child try an occasional sip of something forbidden.

Kids Become Citizens of 2 Countries
I knew this fact, but it was not something my MIL knew about. I told her not to worry. In any case though, I was relieved to hear that Gina got her baby's passport within two weeks. I have to go to the USA next summer and be the Matron of Honor in Shannon's wedding, and I was worried that I wouldn't be able to get a passport in time (that's 5 months after the birth). I guess I have no need to worry.

Mother-to-be Considers Becomes "Real" Mother
Gina recommends her doctor in Funabashi. I have a great doctor/clinic in Inage, and I was glad to see they offer epidurals. I hadn't considered NOT getting one until I showed the price to Suk, and his reaction was...get this...
"Mande, you should experience the pain of childbirth at least once in your life. That will make you a real mother." Who the f--- is he to talk? I almost died from holding in my laughter when I heard that. And, that comment really did not deserve a retort of any kind, so I left it at that.

Mother-to-be Swears like an SOB
This has nothing to do with the comments, but I want to note that I have taken to swearing a lot. And, not just your usual "shit" or "damn". It's much more colorful than that. Although I feel content and satisfied with my life right now, I have one issue which is related to work. There is someone that I work with who pisses the living shit out of me, and I cannot help but let it out in some way...healthy or not. My goal in life is to get rid of him before he takes over my responsibilities while I am on maternity leave. I would rather have someone new in the position then someone as assinine as him. I am an evil SOB. I know this to be true.

Deal with it

2006-09-25T14:04:00.000+09:00

Last weekend, my in-laws held a family dinner at our condo to announce the fact that I am preggers. SIL (sister-in-law), her husband, and father-in-law were invited. MIL made an impressive array of celebratory Japanese foods, including Tai (a kind of fish whose name reminds people of the word "omedetai", which means "to want to celebrate.") and chawanmushi, a type of steamed custard with seafood inside. She said she had never made Tai before as she had never had anything to celebrate in the past. It was fun teaching her how to use my oven and showing her where all the tools are. However, I must admit that since we moved to this place, she usually ends up doing most of the cooking, as family gatherings almost always involve Japanese cuisine. Well, that said, we did appreciate her efforts and the food was wonderful. Photos to follow.

I am now 5 months pregnant, but SIL and the rest of the family were not let in on this secret at the insistence of MIL. Why, you ask? I thought a simple phone call would have sufficed (kind of like the one my mom got, and then it was word of mouth to the rest of the family from that point on), but MIL wanted to make a big deal of this special announcement. On that note, she planned this dinner which was to be held in September, and I figured that by then, we wouldn't need any "announcing" because it would be obvious.

Unfortunately, either these people are not that attuned or I am not that big yet. In any case, at the beginning of dinner and before the toasts, MIL served up the fish, which was dressed in a thick blanket of salt on both sides. Through the baking process, the salt had hardened, so my job (as Queen for the Day) was to use a wooden spoon to pound the fish until the salt broke. I had no idea this was coming, but when they made me do it and the salt blanket split in half, I was as pleased as a pretty little princess. See photo.

SIL's reactions went something like this.
"Oh my, pregnant? Well, we couldn't imagine why you had invited us over for dinner. You said you had something important to talk about, so we thought for sure that either you were getting divorced or transferred overseas. So, we thought that you were going to ask us to live in your condo. And, well, we thought, what the heck? Why not live there?" Nice, huh?

In any case, after getting lectured by Suk earlier that day, I made sure not to SAY A WORD whenever anyone said something that I even mildly disagreed with. Luckily, MIL kept her mouth shut and did not ask the usual questions.

MIL'S Usual Questions (and her opinions)
Will you be sending your child to a day care center or to a kindergarten? (because day-care centers are no good, really.)

What will you name the child? (because I think you should give him/her a name that can be pronounced in both languages.)

Will you be giving birth in Japan? (because I really think you should give birth in America so that child will have American citizenship.)

Will you find out if it is a boy or girl? (because I don't think you should. However, if you do, please do NOT tell me until the baby is born!)

She loves to ask questions and then give her opinions before I really have a chance to answer. So, I was glad that the only topic she brought up (since she knew her family would support her fully) was the notion of visiting a shrine during my 5th month to buy some kind of belt thing and pray for safety. Since I am Christian, and on principal, my husband is a converted Christian who has absolutely NO interest whatsoever in buddhist/shinto customs, I knew that he would not really encourage me to take part in such a custom. So, I sat there with my mouth shut, feigning interest in her explanation. Later, Suk told me that he was just waiting to see what my reaction would be because he, himself, had NO CLUE what the hell they were going on about. Since neither one of us seemed too excited about the prospect of visiting a shrine, MIL dropped the subject with a trailing off sentence about "Well, that's what I did when I was ..."

Don't get me wrong though. I am determined to get over my issues with MIL because I really want her to have a great relationship with my children, and I want my kids to jump for joy whenever they get to go over to Grandma's for a sleepover. They will not be able to do this so often with my parents, so I would never want to stand in the way of their relationship with MIL. So, we'll start with babysitting and go from there. I promise to trust her, even if her ways are a bit different from mine. I know she is great with Max, and Max practically has a seizure every time Grandma comes over to visit. And, she just "loves" it when I say, "Oh, Max. Look, Obaachan is here to see you!"

Science Experiment

2006-09-22T15:09:00.000+09:00

Well, it has been a while. Due to a combination of laziness, busyness and Desperate Housewives Season 2, I have not been able to keep up with this blog. Now is the time to get back on the horse and write about my recent developments.

I am now in the process of growing a baby. When I read about that in books which refer to pregnancy as "growing a baby", I just have to laugh. It sounds like a really cool science experiment that you would do in your backyard. Oh, if growing a baby could only be so fun.

"Matt" as I like to call "it" is due to make his appearance on or around March 1st. I do not know if "Matt" is a boy or a girl, but one day when I was imagining what a wonderful kid my child would grow up to be, I imagined a good looking Asian kid that looked like a "Matt." Suk says this name will not be acceptable since MATTO doesn't sound like a Japanese name, it doesn't have a chinese character to match, and it sounds like a tatami mat. Oh well.

So, Matt it is NOT. But for now, "it" needs a name and Matt sounds pretty darn good to me.

So, I spent the summer suffering from continuous bouts of morning sickness, which meant that looking at a computer screen was the last thing I wanted to be doing. Thus the lack of blog entries. Then, I also suffered from a lack of topics. Oh, what is a knocked-up woman to write about besides her pain and suffering, her nervousness and moodiness, and her general obsession with baby-growing?

I promise not to post scanned photos of my ultrasounds. (And I promise not to email them to friends and family as well!) Looking at these is like looking at one of those weird calendars that were popular in the 1990s. Okay, that must be the backbone. No, wait, it's the ribs. Is that an eye or the back of the head? Oh, god, what the hell...put that damn thing away. For those of you unfamiliar with Japanese customs, we ladies in Japan get to undergo ultrasound at every doctor's visit. So, I have about 5 little ultrasound photos so far. And, don't even start lecturing me about how dangerous it is. I trust the Japanese medical system especially when it comes to babies - they take that shit very seriously. You see, the difference is in insurance coverage. In the USA, they tell you it is dangerous, but actually, the insurance companies refuse to cover more than one ultrasound during an entire pregnancy. In Japan, they'll cover anything that involves a photograph!

Last week, Suk and I were walking around and I tripped over a chain fence. I fell forward and put my hands out to protect my stomach, but I was still managed to injure my legs, arms & boobs. I was worried about Matt, and since I still felt pain a couple days later, I went to the doctor. He did, yet another, ultrasound and found that Matt was still growing and moving strong. Now, everyone tells me to avoid falling. As if I need to be told that!

At work, I announced the baby-growing situation to my English department last week, and before that I let the vice-principal, etc. know. Immediately, they began the process of finding my temporary replacement, and they told me that, by law, I must stop working on January 1 (8 weeks before Matt's due date). I was shocked by this, especially since I won't be receiving a salary, but then I thought - what the hell? I might as well enjoy the time off. I also plan to take a year off after Matt is born (without salary) because I can. I want to take advantage of this despite the fact that due to an incompetent co-worker, our department will go to hell in a handbasket if he stays on staff. Oh, pray that the fool gets fired soon!!!! Anyway, on top of all this, I have been banned from taking business trips and from riding my bike to school. Of course, my doctor said that I am perfectly capable of doing these things as long as I don't start bleeding. Well, that said, my school bosses are not changing their minds.

On a bright note though, Suk and I purchased a car (finally!) and he suggested that I drive it to work every day. So, now I need to get my license in Japan, and we will be all set. (Although my principal did not like this idea either!) They are just being way too careful. I am not that fragile...although I do wish Suk would think I am a little bit fragile.

That is all for now. I would like to write a lot more, but I think I will save the MIL complaints for next time.

Why I hate airlines, festivals and people in general

2006-07-15T19:14:00.000+09:00

Do you have those negative days where nothing goes right and everyone just seems out to ruin your day? Yes, even that guy who "accidentally" brushed (no, whapped) your arm as he walked past you on the street, and you are convinced that he did it on purpose. And, those idiotic people (in this case, I am talking about Japanese) who are actually ATTRACTED to crowded places, so everyone who is anyone goes to the hugest festival, which happens to take place in your very neighborhood every single year! And, then there are the airlines!

Okay, I remember writing a post last January about my harrowing experience on American Airlines, which I vowed that I would never use again. On a positive update for that story, I did receive a very long and detailed letter (no, email) apologizing for this problem, but also full of excuses as to why these things happen. I had since neglected to acknowledge this email, but I was nonetheless, grateful for it. Anywho, Suk and I were not planning to fly back to the USA this year for a variety of reasons, one very important being the existance of MAX. However, it was suddenly decided that we MUST fly back to the USA at the end of the summer or we would not have a chance until next summer, and this summer is turning out to be a very very very important summer for me and my family. So, I looked into using our saved-up mileage, which I had never attempted to use before, and lo and behold, found that we have saved up so many miles that we can fly there and back virtually free on business class. So, here I am again dealing with American Airlines, but I am sure that the experience will be much different on business class. I hope.

So, moving on with my negativity about airlines. This time, it is United. Perhaps, it is not United's fault persay. It could have been a simple mistake, like a newbie trainee employee running out onto the pavement when he wasn't supposed to, or they forgot to pack the sushi, or worse yet, they found the sushi to be tainted and had to wait for a new delivery of meals. Okay, so here is the story.

My friend (if I say "best", she gets annoyed with me), Shannon, is coming to Japan to visit for 5 days. Her flight was scheduled to leave Chicago at noon. She was to arrive at 3 pm today, get on a bus by herself, and come to my train station. This is easy, and I am sure she could have managed, and as I was working all day, could not go to the airport to pick her up myself. I predicted which bus she would be riding on, and when I should be there waiting for her at the bus stop, in the fucking hot weather we are having now that summer has hit.

All day long, I checked the flight status on United.com. According to their website, the plane had left 20 minutes later than scheduled, but that it was due to arrive 4 hours later (4 HOURS LATER) than scheduled! I asked my co-workers how this could be possible, and one of them checked the status on Narita Airport's own website. Status unknown. That wasn't much help. But, after more digging, I found that according to United.com, the flight had indeed left 20 minutes, but was due to arrive 7 minutes earlier (7 MINUTES EARLIER) than scheduled. I believed that, and I continued to believe it all day until I found myself waiting at the bus stop at the appointed time. Three buses went by, but no Shannon.

Finally, I called Suk and asked him to check the internet again, and he found that the flight was due to arrive at 7:20 (four hours and 20 minutes after the original time), and that I should get my butt home immediately. When I got home, I found an email from Shannon's fiance explaining that after final boarding, everyone had been instructed to "un-board" immediately, due to security issues. And, this, in itself, caused at least a 2 hour delay. What the hell?

Ha! Fooled y'all!

2006-06-19T12:48:00.000+09:00

I didn't really mean to fool you, but thanks to all the warnings about smoking, I have decided to quit. Actually, I never really started. After those first three cigs, I gave up. Really, though, I thank you for your comments of concern. If only Suk had been half as concerned!

So, after a week of thinking about my "goal" for the next convention and also getting inspired by Christine's conviction to lose weight, I decided to join the bandwagon.

But, first me and my Type A personality had to figure out what my challenges are towards reaching the goal and exactly how I would attempt to pull it off.

First challenge
My irregular, lazy-ass schedule - Ever since we moved, I have not been able to get my ass in gear and I blame it on the following things:

* Cable TV (which we had installed when we moved)
* Max (who needed a lot of attention and also needed to be watched like a hawk)
* Too much school work (though not nearly as much as I used to have)
* The Internet and email (which I check many times per day)
* A very comfortable & inviting sofa (Suk suggested adding this to the list)

Due to all the changes in my life, I sort of fell off the boat. When we moved, it was as if all the things I used to do, like cook well-balanced meals, went right out the window. And it was much easier to watch Max like a hawk while sitting on the sofa with Cable TV on in the background. And, shopping for groceries, much less planning a menu fell by the wayside. And, then comes procrastination, which is a big word that takes just as long to say it as it does to just do the thing you have been procrastinating about.

Procrastination with a capital P
I am not, by nature, a procrastinator. I can think of many people in my life who, in fact, are major procrastinators. However, since I moved, I have fallen into that category. These are the things that I constantly feel guilty about but never do anything about them:

* Studying Japanese/Doing homework for Japanese class
* Starting to eat healthily
* Exercising
* Keeping track of finances
* Practicing piano
* Starting a new project for scrapbooking
* Organizing certain areas of our aparment, such as the walk-in-closet.

So, after careful Type-A analyzation of my goals and challenges, I decided that taking things one hour at a time would work best. Also, "scheduling" rewards in between would probably motivate me to do that which I am supposed to do. One more piece of advice I gave myself was to not expect to do too much in one evening.

Of course, life always gets in the way. You get an unexpected phone call (oh god, that rarely happens nowadays. It's 2006, people!). You have to run an errand. There's a dinner party for work. Aside from that though, if I can kind of keep to a regular schedule, I should be able to achieve more.

Basically, my goal is to leave school at 5pm every evening and get home by 5:30 by minimizing errands that need to be run during the week. Also, I want to get into bed by 11:30, so I can actually read my book for a good 20 minutes before nodding off (rather than the current 2 minutes - 1/2 a page per night - rate that I am at). My other goal is to minimize TV-viewing to one decent show per evening. That means that I can't just sit there and watch X-files for a sake of watching TV, even though I can't stand the show. If I plan my week's menu on Sunday and go grocery shopping for the whole week, that will save time from having to stop by the store during the week, and I'll have more time to actually cook. Finally, I am hoping to fit one useful activity in each evening such as study Japanese, exercise, play piano, or scrapbook a few pages. This is basically what I was doing before we moved, but I got completely off track.

As for rewards, I am allowing myself rewards here and there - TV-viewing, reading a book, surfing the internet, checking email, and OF COURSE playing with Max.

When all is said and done, I am hoping to have lost some weight. And that, folks, would be my ultimate goal here in terms of working towards the next convention. I am not sure if I am going to convince people to sponsor me though. Maybe my mom would since she loves to donate to anything relating to breast cancer.

A Failed Experiment

2006-06-13T22:46:00.000+09:00

Last weekend, I attended a convention in Kyushu. It was my first time to go to the southern island of Japan, and it was a blast to meet up with people I usually only communicate with over email. The theme of this particular convention was "relaxation", and they encouraged us to relax in every way possible, even if that meant to "drink a lot of wine, sing bad karaoke, and watch four Japanese guys perform hip hop dancing on stage." Aside from that, I did manage to make it to a spa with my friends and had reflexology done on my feet for the very first time.

During the convention, some members of our organization introduced the theme and location of next year's convention with a lot of hoopla. The theme centers on "health" and the convention will take place at a public sports plaza type hotel where there will be many opportunities to "get healthy." Knowing that it takes more than 3 days (the length of an average convention) to get healthy, these particular members asked us to each come up with a personal goal and to track your progress toward that goal until the convention next year. Oh, and we can try to get family members or friends to sponsor us and the money would go for breast cancer research.

On the way home, my friends and I discussed potential goals. Here are some of the goals we came up with:
1. Lose weight (too obvious!)
2. Eat a salad with at least two meals a day (got some raised eyebrows on that one...guess not!)
3. Try not to get a cold between now and next February (yeah, right!)
4. Scrapbook one page a day until next February (not directly related to health, but more to do with mental health)

At home, I thought more about these goals and wondered which one I should choose. Then, just on a whim, I asked my husband what he would say to me or what he would think of me if I were a smoker. He looked right at me and said, "I couldn't care less." Of course, I tried to call him on it. Wouldn't he say, "Smoking is bad for you health. You shouldn't do that to your body. You should quit. What about when you get pregnant, blah, blah, blah?" He denied this, so I told him that I was going to take up smoking then and there.

I won't even get into the part of the story where he protested my use of his cigarettes (Go out and buy your own!) and my asking him to do me a favor and pick some up for me the next day (Since I have never purchased a pack myself and don't even know how or where to buy them!) and him saying that I am really immature (and me thinking that taking up smoking is a rather "adult" thing to do, doncha think?).

What I will say is that I went outside on our balony with a cigarette in hand and lit it. It took about 5 tries to get it lit completely. Then I started smoking, well kind of. It took about 10 tries before I could actually inhale properly. Then, the cigarette broke in half because I was gripping it too hard. I held it together and smoked it to the end anyway.

Here is the clincher. I did what I most hate him to do.

I stood just in front of the open patio door so he could see me in my full glory from his seat on the sofa. I suppose World Cup Soccer was taking most of his attention from the situation at hand, but I know he glanced over a few times. I made sure to exhale directly on the laundry that was hanging there. And, I sloppily flicked my cigarette over the ash can so that ashes could fly every where.

But, immediately, after smoking this one cigarette, I could smell it on my hair, my fingers and my own breath. I thought, wow, this is pretty gross. So, I went inside and sat next to him on the couch and breathed directly in his face while talking to him breathily. "How's the game? What's happening? Who's winning?"

He couldn't have cared less.

Finally, he said, "Wow, your breath stinks," in a flat tone.

I said, "You really think so?"

He said, "Well, that is what you want me to say, right?"

I went outside to smoke another.

Later in the bathtub, without mentioning the next convention or the theme, I told him that I would like to quit smoking by next February. Yes, that would be my goal. Would he like to join me?

Incredulously, he looked me over and said, "You have taken up smoking? And you are going to quit by next February? What are you talking about?"

I repeated my offer for him to join me in quitting by next February.

He said, "I'm getting out. You are being so childish."

After the bath, I went outside to smoke another, and I thought to myself (as I got another whiff of my hair), "Perhaps I need to come up with a different goal. This one is not working."　　　

Movie Review

2006-06-06T22:58:00.000+09:00

Thanks to those who posted comments answering my questions about American Life. It really helped, and I was able to finish both articles in time for our class tomorrow. Thanks a lot!

Every once in a while, I want to enlighten you with my views and reviews on movies, partly because I am forced to watch so many, but also because some people don't or can't see the movies at the theater, and so they must wonder if some DVDs are worth the rental cost.

The Producers
This is the movie version of a 1960-something musical written by Mel Torme. If you are used to the Andrew Lloyd Weber style musical, you will be in for a surprise when watching this. For the first 10 minutes, I thought we had made a mistake to waste our money on such dribble, but after that, we were thoroughly entertained. For our generation to see a film that pokes fun at the likes of Hitler is definitely a shock to the system. You cannot get any more unPC than this movie. I won't even mention the song about being gay. Oops. Or the songs about Hitler being gay. Oops again.

Rent
Another musical, and I saw them within a week of each other. I had no idea what this story was about except that it took place in NYC and involved a bunch of young people. I will say that it is an emotional story which takes place at the end of the 80's, and it is about 8 artist-type friends who have no money and half of them have AIDS. Apparently, the writer based this story on the original La Boheme. My favorite character was the lesbian lawyer, and it was worth watching just to see her sing. And there was a lot of singing to be had.

The Constant Gardner
Another movie that I knew virtually nothing about before going to see it. The acting is superb, the story even better. A guy marries a woman he has not been dating for long because he gets sent to Africa for work, and she wants to go with him as his wife. She is a very outspoken political activist, but they seem to get along well, until tragedy strikes. Then, her work takes a mysterious turn, and she ends up getting killed. Her husband has lost his trust in her by that time, but decides to go after the truth and find out why she was killed. In finding the true story, he finds himself, and realizes that she really did love him. It is a beautiful love story, not just about their marriage, but also about her passion for helping the people of Africa. I cried throughout the second half of the movie. Have to get the soundtrack also.

On DVD
Butterfly Effect
Whether or not you are an Ashton Kutcher fan, if you like weird, out-of-order movies, you will adore this one. Kutcher is a brilliant as a guy who has a special ability to change his past, which will then affect his future. He keeps going back and forth between a horrible incident that happened in his past and a "new" future, trying to get things just right. He gets so caught up in it that you will too.

Duplex
Starring my ever-favorite Ben Stiller, this movie is about a young married couple who purchase a duplex in NYC and have to deal with their old, decrepid upstairs tenent. She ends up driving them insane to the point that they devise several ways in which to kill her. I wouldn't say this movie is dark, but their duplex sure doesn't get a lot of sunlight. Perhaps that is the basic problem. It is worth watching 'til the end because their is an interesting plot twist.

Unveiling the Mansion

2006-06-01T23:08:00.000+09:00

After several requests from Christine, I am going to introduce our new condo in this post. As I mentioned before, we have really had to get our asses in gear to prepare for a housewarming party, so we did manage to decorate a bit more.

Let me first reveal that I often feel like we are the white trash of our building because this has been sitting in front of our genkan for over two months now! I am waiting for Suk to get around2it. I know I should have (or could have) called the garbage company myself, but there are just some things a man SHOULD do for his own home.

"Who lives here?"

"I don't know, honey, but they sure as hell must be white trash." (And this reminds me of my clip drive for my school computer, which always creates a folder called "trashes", and I nearly fell over the first time I saw that. I thought one of the Japanese teachers had put that on there for a joke.)

This is what you'll see as you're walking down the corridor to our apartment. We didn't expect that there would be a mini-forest down below, but you can see the major highway down below as well. Don't worry though because we can't hear the noise or smell the nasty exhaust fumes up here.

The view from the genkan. As my Slovakian friend remarked the first time she came over, "There sure are a lot of doors in this hall way." Yes, many doors. Not much room for embellishment. Any ideas?

On your immediate right is our bedroom, which looks pretty much the same as it did in our old apartment. Excuse the curtains, as they are from our old living room. I would like to get some curtains that match but am waiting for something to catch my eye first.

On your immediate left is Suk's room (until and if a baby comes along and stakes his claim on it). We bought the piano from a friend who moved to the USA recently, so in between blogging and cleaning up poop, I have begun to dabble again after 10 years of not playing at all. The couch is that nappy thing we had in our old apartment, but Suk is (god only knows why) attached to it.

And, this is the only part of the apartment that Suk gets to decorate all by his little ol' self. This display used to be in our genkan. Thank god it has its own room now.

Down the hall and on your left is the ofuro/laundry/dressing room.

Nothing special here...except for this!

Feast your eyes, people! Suk likes to invite people over just to bathe. He wants everyone to take baths during our housewarming party, and I had to break it to him gently that, actually, my foreign friends and co-workers probably won't be interested, but thanks anyway.

Down the hall and to your right is the computer/scrapbooking/reading room. I suppose we could call it an office, but that seems so dull. I am so happy to finally have a human-sized desk for scrapbooking.

At the end of the long, many doored hallway is the main area of the condo. The kitchen is to the left, and has an entrance from the bathroom as well.

This is the kitchen as viewed from the bathroom. I like it because we chose the option of dishwasher and "real" oven. So, now I can bake cakes and lasagna and it actually cooks all the way through to the middle! Yatta!

We (read, I) decided to have this extra counter top and cupboard installed for obvious reasons. It was a pain in the ass because Suk kept complaining about the cost, but when he saw the final product, he was more than pleased.

Beyond the kitchen, is the "conservatory," also known as Max's room. It is bright yellow, but I think yellow is a happy color, and I love it. We want him to feel cheerful, right? If you want to see the many transformations of Max's room, you can check my post on Puppy Love Love.

Here is the dining/living room, which I love. Our old living room was about 1/8 of this, and me and Suk were always arguing over space. Here is our love-at-first-sight dining room table. Our yellowish-green leafy curtains. And our awesome sofa, which because of its comfort level, I often wake up alone in the morning (Suk tends to fall asleep on it.). The office opens out onto this room as well, so if we have lots of guests, we can make a bigger space.

And the dining room table which I gushed about in a previous blog. The perfect combination of country-style and modern.

The veranda, with the bench that we recently bought at Unidy. We had to put it together ourselves. Can you believe that? We would like to add plants and a little herb garden, but haven't gotten around to that yet. We need to find a way to hide Max's poop garbage because it is unsightly.

Yup, another area I like to call "the unslightly white trash area of our veranda." Everyone in Japan has this area, I just know it. It is a place for garbage and laundry and air conditioners. It also manages to block our view when sitting on the bench.

The view from our veranda.

Losing Touch with American Culture

2006-05-30T09:05:00.000+09:00

Not only am I getting older and therefore gradually losing touch with my high school students, but I am also losing touch with American culture. I try to stay with it as much as possible by subscribing to certain magazines and keeping up with celeb gossip, but that's about as far as it goes.

Everyday American life - the beautiful, peaceful, wonderful way of life - is slowly fading away, and as you see from this sentence, it has become idealized in my own mind.

The real purpose of this entry is to pose a few questions to anyone reading this. In a word, I need some help. I have started to write a series of short articles pertaining to everyday American life, and I found that there are some holes in my memory. These articles will be introduced in my Intercultural Communication class, where students are focusing on American culture, lifestyle, geography and history.

The first two articles are about Transportation/commuting and Shopping. So here are my questions.

Transportation/Communication
Is it true to some people, especially those who live on the East Coast, sometimes commute to work by airplane? Say, from Boston to NYC, or something to that effect?

What are the benefits of carpooling to work? I have already written about the benefit of the carpool lane. How does that carpool lane thing work anyway?

For teenagers who live in metropolitan areas, how does one go about getting a driver's license? Do they offer Driver's Ed in the high schools? How much does it cost otherwise? And finally, how much does it cost to take the test and get the license at the DMV? I know this varies from state to state, but I found that the price varies from $5 on up.

What is the temporary license called? Do you have a nickname for it? I swear that we called it a "temps" in high school, but my co-worker highly doubted this.

Shopping
I guess I don't have any questions about this section, but I will share with you my list of vocabulary words, and you'll get an idea of the contents we are dealing with.

Main Street
Outskirts
Gas station
Mom & Pop shop
Chain store
Strip Mall
Locally-owned
Outlet Store
Superstore

And finally, let me share with you other topics for future articles. Each article will be short, say 100 words or less.

Possible Topics for the Future
Food: What we eat every day
Music: What people listen to
Leisure: What people do for fun
Sports & Exercise: What people do to stay fit (or not)
Entertainment: What people watch on TV
Humor: What is funny to American people
Holidays: How holidays are celebrated
High School Life: What life is like for high school students

Any other suggestions?

We Are Being Watched

2006-05-29T08:31:00.000+09:00

I have been really good these past couple of weeks. I have left my bitchin' and complainin' about hubby out of my blog for the sole reason that I wanted to seem "positive." Then, I signed on with Sitemeter due to Mean Teacher's post about her experiences with it, and now I can see who, when, what, where and how people are reading my blog. I found that, yes, he does sometimes sign on from his work computer. Oh...for...the...love...of...god, as good ol' Homer Simpson would say.

Then, just yesterday, he happened to notice when I was reading some comments from Shannon (thank you for commenting!), and said, "Please don't write about me on your blog. It's embarrassing." He also told me that he sometimes reads it, and I was like, "No....really?" and then to myself, "No....couldn't be....no-o-o-o...how could he? can he? really?" And, later, he admitted that my writing vocabulary is much different than my spoken (when speaking to him) vocabulary, and that it's unfair to show my "real self" to others, but not to him.

Well, folks, you have just glimpsed the inside of an international marriage where the two people involved have not only gender issues, communication issues, but also a huge language barrier. Oh, sure, we do the whole switching thing between Japanese and English all the time - whatever feels comfortable, whatever comes out of our mouths at any given moment, but when I turn to my friends, I will undoubted switch to a natural speed, higher level English. I am sure he does the same in Japanese. Let's hope that this is normal. Let's also hope that it will get better by the time we are married for 50 years. Let's also hope that our kids will be able and willing to translate for us. Don't tell them that though because I think it will be too much pressure on them. Just let it happen naturally.

But, there is a gender issue going on that I am sure supercedes any and all language barriers. It is the fact that he tunes me out! He doesn't even listen to what I am saying half the time - whether it is a cute story about my childhood, or gossip about a friend, or how pissed off I am about something he did, or a request to do something. I mean, the guy just stares off into space, or the TV, or the floor, and I have to repeat myself a thousand times.

So, I must relate this one small tidbit before I go. Last week, after much tension at work, two of my co-workers (Mr. K is my good friend, and Mr. J is new to this job) had it out with each other, and Mr. J admitted to "tuning out" most things that Mr. K says, and he went so far is to call it "rhetoric" which is deeply insulting. I studied rhetoric in college as part of my communications major, but I actually had to look this word up to see whether it was truly an insult or not. Yes, it is! Completely and utterly insulting! So, Mr. K was pissed off about this. It is pretty pathetic when a new employee to a company decides to tune out everything that someone says, especially when that someone is trying to "learn" him something. But, I wanted to say, "Someone you barely know is tuning you out? That's sad, but try being married to someone for 5 years, and being tuned out every single day. Then, I will ask you if it bothers you that Mr. J tunes you out."

And the harrassment continues

2006-05-26T14:25:00.000+09:00

Can it be called harrassment when I post nasty stuff about my friends on my own blog and hope that they read it?

Thanks, Amy, for answering my MEME. I guess that is the proper word, but I have no idea what it means. You are a dear friend.

As for the other friends that I mentioned in my Current Fives and in the post before that - I am still waiting, and now I am really starting to second-guess the description of my blog, which is written just under the title. Shall I change it or not?

Cola Roast

2006-05-23T12:06:00.000+09:00

I just want to give a shout out to any of your slow-cooker fanatics out there. I tried the recipe for Cola Roast last week. It sounds disgusting, but it is so easy to do, and anything that involves Coke-a-cola is undoubtedly tasty, so I thought I would give it a try.

I don't usually get too excited about meat, but this was so damn good that I ended up eating half of the roast, packing up the other half for my lunch box, and then calling my husband to tell him "Sorry, no dinner tonight. I just didn't have time. You'll have to fend for yourself."

Tonight, I am making it again, and I am going to make sure he tries it.

Cola Roast
Place one huge chunk of meat in the slow cooker. I prefer pork thigh because it is virtually fat-free.

Mix together one can of Cream of Mushroom soup and one package of onion soup mix. Pour over the meat and spread it evenly.

Just before turning on the slow cooker, pour a can of coke (diet coke would not work here!) over the meat mixture, place cover on slow cooker, and cook on HIGH until you get home.

Last week, mine was cooking for nearly 10 hours and high, and it looked kind of burnt, but it tasted so excellent. The sauce makes a wonderful gravy for rice or potatoes as well.

Let me know how it tastes!

Current Fives

2006-05-23T11:43:00.000+09:00

This is my first original tag. I have never made one before and I don't know exactly how it works, but I am going to give this a try. This is an easy one.

5 Musicians that I currently listen to:
Amanda Wilkinson
P!NK
Jewel
Kelly Clarkson
Keith Urban

5 Movies/DVDs that I Have Watched Recently:
DaVinci Code
The Producers
Inventing the Abbotts
The Forgotten
Butterfly Effect

5 TV Shows that I Tend to Watch (not necessarily because I want to):
Tru Calling
Nip/Tuck
The Swan
Killer Instinct
American Idol

5 Restaurants I have Visited Recently:
Outback Steakhouse
Old Spaghetti Factory
Maharaja
An Okonomiyaki restaurant
McDonald's

5 Foods that I currently enjoy snacking on:
Dark Chocolate (as always!)
Cottage Cheese
Gouda/White Cheddar Cheese
Pringles (sour cream and onion)
Coke-a-cola (okay, this is not a food, but it is close enough!)

I am tagging the following people:

International Marriage?? What the heck is that?!

I am also tagging the following people (another test to see if you're reading). Just do your lists in the comments section.
Amy
Jill
Sara
Shannon

To Friends Back Home

2006-05-22T10:46:00.000+09:00

Yes, I still call the USA my home. So sue me!

This is a plea to my friends back home - Amy, Shannon, Sara and Jill.

You guys are the best. I am so happy that things are moving along for everyone as we are about to turn 30.

Okay, end of sucking up.

Need I say it again. I know you are reading this, and I want you to comment. Comments get emailed directly to me, so even if you are behind in your reading, I will still see the comment. You don't need to have your own blog in order to comment. And, if you forget your registered user name and password, you can make up a new one on the spot.

Now, just some news to update you all on each other.

Amy
Amy and her family are moving to a new place this summer. They seem to be doing fine, and Amy sounds great actually. I really enjoyed talking with her on the phone a few weeks ago. She is the one who made me realize that I should be calling my friends once in while instead of feeling sorry for myself because no one ever calls me. So, thanks to Amy, I am making phone dates with you all once a month. Got that!

Shannon
Shannon is getting married next summer, and has just started "officially" living with her fiance. They are having a new house built and will be moving into it in September. She is also starting a new job this fall as a pre-school teacher for special ed kids. And, get this, she is applying for grad school. I am so jealous!

Sara
Sara is getting married in September. They recently purchased a house that is a hop, skip and jump from Lake Michigan in Milwaukee. They will be moving sometime this summer.

Jill
Jill is going to grad school and in the middle of deciding whether or not to let her boyfriend move in with her. He is a really nice guy, Jill! You can't find 'em any nicer and low-key than that. In fact, since opposites do attract, maybe Mr. Low Key would be good for you in the long run.

I love you all. Next phone date is with Sara. Email me.

When Good Things Happen to Smart, Manipulative People

2006-05-22T10:18:00.000+09:00

I wouldn't exactly describe myself as manipulative, but I do have a way of getting what I want when I want it. I guess you could call it a talent.

So this table with the two vampire holes was kind of bothering me. Thanks for the tip on wood filler. Will buy some at DIY Store tonight. In the meantime, I covered that part of the table with some magazines and various pieces of mail, and you-know-who was none the wiser.

We have to get our asses in gear regarding this condo because want to make it look presentable by June 3, the day of our housewarming party. So, we went out shopping on Saturday and decided to buy a bench for our table (the one with the vampire holes in it.) We also had to get lace curtains to go beneath our real curtains that we purchased a few weeks ago. They are gorgeous - the real curtains, I mean. A perfect compromise between the ugly (I mean, elegant) floral pattern that he wanted and the simple leaf-pattern that I wanted. In a word, they have an elegant leaf pattern on them, and they are supposed to be green, but they look kind of yellow in the light. Luckily, I happen to like yellow.

We were also in the market for a coffee table, and these are so damn expensive. I kept telling Suk to go down to the DIY center and make one himself, but you know salarymen and their tools. Those two words don't really belong in the same sentence.

We meandered around the store for a while looking at various tables, and Suk in his usual non-impulsive style, was all like, "Not exactly what we had in mind. We should go somewhere else tomorrow."

On Sunday, we went to a different store where we knew there would be plenty of benches to choose from. And it was at this store where we actually purchased the lace curtains. While looking around for a decent coffee table, we came upon ... It.

It was the perfect compromise between the kind of table I had been fantisizing about for months and the kind of table he wanted.

It was country style, lighter color wood. Two benches at a 90-degree angle with a small, square bench in between. The price was within our budget, and they had only 4 left. We sat down at It and discussed the ins and outs of the size, the style, etc. We compared and contrasted it to other tables that we kind of liked. We walked around the store for what seemed like hours, and in the meantime, we found a coffee table that we both liked.

We decided to put the old table in my scrapbooking room so that I can use it as a worktable, which would give me a lot more space to work on, and I won't have to sit on the floor anymore. Plus, we won't have to buy a desk eventually - that was to be my birthday gift.

Eventually, we came back and we bought It along with the coffee table. And the best part of the whole weekend? All compromise and no fights! I couldn't believe my luck.

And it gets better. The two vampire holes will belong to me now. I can blame it on my scrapbooking tools and say it was a total accident...that is if anyone notices them.

Next project that I must finish this week. An A2 size scrapbook page with the theme "FAMILY" that will go in a picture frame. We received a really cool frame from Karen, a friend who moved to the USA recently, and we are going to hang it in the dining area. I have to find photos of his family and my family to put in it.

Max is doing fine, but it not quite there on the housebreaking yet. I need to find ways to manipulate him into doing what I want. Any suggestions?

When Smart People Do Dumb Things

2006-05-19T12:33:00.000+09:00

Sssh...don't tell my husband, but I pounded two holes in our kitchen table.

Rather than wait around for him to hang up my pictures and bulletin boards, and going through yet another weekend of nagging, I decided to decorate my scrapbooking/computer area all by my lonesome.

The bulletin board needed two nails pounded into it so that I could properly tie a string across the back. Well, I laid that bulletin board down on the wooden kitchen table,and I pounded. Then I pounded some more. Oh, just a bit more. There.

I tied the string between the two nails, and there you go, ready to hang up on the wall.

But I got interrupted with something way better to do, like watch X-files. Then make dinner. Then eat it. Then sit around and watch more TV. Hang out with dog. Surf the internet. Then clean the house. Finally, at midnight, I found my way back to the kitchen table, and I thought, oh, yes, "must hang the bulletin board before going to bed."

I attempted to lift it off the table, but it wouldn't budge. And I lifted. And I pulled. And I set my knee up on the table and gave it a big pull. There it goes!

Two vampire-like holes in the kitchen table. A bulletin board with nail spikes poking through the front. Do you think it will be obvious to the naked eye?

Time to cover up the table with a cloth and call it good.

(By the way, this is not a brand-new table. We opted to put off buying a table as we had decided to exchange our 4-year old table with Suk's mom's table. Oh. thank. god. I. think.)

One Person's Rudeness is Another Person's Physical Disorder

2006-05-15T10:34:00.000+09:00

A funny thing occurred during the catered lunch which took place at the shrine. There was much wine, beer and sake, so after 90 minutes of solid drinking and eating, I was a little sleepy. Forgiveable in most circumstances, perhaps.

Towards the end of the meal, SIL and Sensei invited the young Shinto priest to come in, so we could all thank him personally. Then, for some ungodly reason, they invited us to ask questions about Shintoism to the priest. Well, for once, these Japanese people actually HAD questions, and the priest went on and on in detail about the history of the shrine, how one becomes a priest...well, I am not sure what was said after that because I was nodding off...zonked out...long gone.

Suk was constantly tapping my foot and arms to jolt me awake, but it didn't help. People were watching me. The priest was droning on, and people were asking question after question. Then, MIL, turns to me and says, "Why don't you ask a question about the differences between Shinto and Christianity?"

Honestly, I had no questions about that. I already know the differences, but I couldn't even stay awake long enough to think of a polite question. Suk was embarrassed. With only 9 other people there, it was obvious that I was nodding off, which in itself would not have been a crime.

After the priest left, we began cleaning up, and Sensei came right over to ask me if I was bored. Well, not bored. Just sleepy, but there is something else.

I have narcalepsy when it comes to listening to lectures. As soon as someone starts lecturing at me, I fall asleep. It started when I was in college, and I hated it. I tried everything to stay awake, but even in my most interesting, major-related classes where I had read all of the text materials and LOVED the professors, I couldn't control it. I would even sit in the first row of the lecture halls, thinking that my body would be more motivated to stay awake, but it didn't help. To this day, I often fall asleep at meetings, seminars, lectures, etc.

But, Suk thought I was being extremely rude, and he managed to bring it up to me during yet another fight over the weekend. It's not like I did it on purpose! And, you can't expect me to understand what the priest is saying, which makes it even harder to pay attention.

Suk didn't buy the claim that it is a physical disorder rather than a personality characteristic which I could potentially change. He brought up the example of the "sweating incident". He said he sweats a lot, but he cannot control it.

The "sweating incident" occurred at our very own wedding in the States. Imagine a large church filled with 80 of your friends, family and colleagues. The bride and groom are standing at the altar with the minister, and throughout the entire 60-minute ceremony, the groom is sweating so profusely that the sweat is actually dripping from his face. He continually uses a handkerchief to wipe his face, neck and hands. The minister pauses the ceremony to ask if he would like to "take a moment" outside. Later, people joke about it. "Was he scared about getting married?" "Didn't he want to get married?"

According to Suk, he had gone out drinking with some guys the night before for a mini-bachelor party, and though he had not consumed that much alcohol, it was the main reason for his sweat. Other reasons included the fact that he was a little nervous about standing in front of so many people, and that I had I was trembling a bit which caused him to become more nervous.

This reference to the "sweating incident" backfired on Suk because I told him how much embarrassment that incident had caused us, that people still joke about it, and that people actually thought he didn't want to be getting married.

Shocked into submission, Suk had nothing to say. Point taken. Uncontrollable physical disorder. Noted.

He left the room and came back about five minutes later a much nicer and affectionate husband.

SIL and Sensei's Wedding Extravaganza

2006-05-15T10:01:00.000+09:00

I wanted to write about SIL's wedding ceremony, but I don't want to go into much detail about the ceremony itself. I really would rather write about an "incident" that occurred.

Here is a rundown of the day. We awoke at 5:30 to travel to Tokyo and spend the day at a small shrine. Only 8 people were invited - the parents on both sides, the sibling on both sides and his/her wife/husband. We arrived at 8:30 and since there was a lot of downtime before the ceremony would start, I brought my dress, makeup and hair stuff with me and got dressed in one of the private rooms. I decided to do something experimental with my hair, which is normally down or in a simple ponytail. That was the funnest part of the day.

I finished dressing all too soon, and then we family members just waited around for SIL and Sensei to finish dressing. I was afraid to talk much because Suk always gives me dirty looks whenever I say anything mildly inappropriate. Okay, that is a foreshadowing of what is to come.

Turns out the father of Sensei is quite funny and loves to be the center of attention. Unfortunately, he likes to talk about baseball, which is not funny at all to me, but he does laugh a lot and he makes others laugh. He is much different from Sensei who is the quite, observent type.

Finally, SIL came out in all her glory - a beautiful white kimono with the headdress and cap. She had so much makeup on that you could barely recognize her. I think getting married in that kind of costume was something she had always secretly dreamed of, and that is why she paid for Suk and I to have professional photos taken of us wearing those Japanese wedding costumes. I'll add a photo of us later today. (I'm sorry but I cannot reveal the identity of SIL and Sensei due to the nature of their jobs, so no photos of them can be part of this blog!)

SIL and Sensei looked truly happy and calm with each other. I am so glad she found someone like him - really nice and smart, smart enough not to get in her way when she has an opinion about something, and she seems willing to compromise with him. I have to say that according to them, they DO argue and fight, even on their very first date! At least they don't fib like SOME couples we know who go around claiming that they have never had a fight!

On with the wedding. We posed for photos outside, and then proceeded to the shrine for the ceremony. Before the ceremony, the Shinto priest gave us a lecture about what to expect during the ceremony and how to do certain things. Why does he have to do this?

Well, because most Japanese know next to NOTHING about this religion, and the only time they whip it out is for ceremonies like this. Also, it is kind of rare to get invited to an authentic Shinto wedding. It was my second ceremony, but the first time for Suk. (The first wedding I attended resulted in d-i-v-o-r-c-e, so I didn't dare bring that to anyone's attention for fear of bring bad luck to the day, but how many times did people say to me, "Oh, it must be so interesting to experience this part of Japanese culture!" I wanted to say, "You tell me. Is it interesting?")

The ceremony took 40 minutes. There were two priests and an assistant. The young priest did all the work and then played some kind of flute during some parts. Oh my god...I much prefer Christian music with real words about eagles and mountains and ashes. I thought my ears were going to split in half. The old priest got up to do the most important parts of the ceremony, and every time he sat down, his stool would squeak like a loud fart. I wanted to die. (Another figure of speech which Japanese people do use all too often!)

After the ceremony, we noticed it had started to rain pretty hard. We were given umbrellas, and SIL and Sensei looked so cool sharing an umbrella. In Japan, sharing an umbrella with a lover is considered to be the ultra-romantic scenario. Plus, rain is good luck on your wedding day. (It rained on our wedding as well!)

Then, we went back to the waiting room and waited for about 90 minutes while SIL was changed into an orange kimono. They had to redo her makeup and hair, so it took a while. The mothers and Sensei changed into western clothes. Finally, it was time to eat lunch.

This is wear the story begins to get interesting, so I will continue in the next post.

I'll Kill You

2006-05-15T09:46:00.000+09:00

That's a catchy title.

Following is a recent conversation between my husband and me.

Ring...ring.
Suk: Hello.

MandeJ: Hi. I'm gonna kill you.

Suk: What? Wait a minute. Why?

MandeJ: I'm gonna kill you because you left the gate open this morning, and the dog got out and caused damage all over the house.

Suk: Why would you kill me? I don't think that is very nice thing to say. How can you say something like that?

MandeJ: Did you hear me? The dog got out and chewed up the house!
Suk: I am really hurt by what you said. You want to kill me?

MandeJ: It's a common saying...it's something that Americans often say to each other. How could you have left the gate open?

Suk: That's just an excuse. I don't want to hear your excuses. All Americans say they are going to kill each other? I don't believe it. I'm really upset.

MandeJ: Okay, I'm sorry. I should not have said that, but you should know that Americans do say this phrase...a lot. Perhaps I have never said it to you before because I never needed to.

Houston, we are not communicating here!

I bet she used to be hot!

2006-05-12T17:17:00.000+09:00

Remember the post about my sister-in-law (SIL) and her all-too-sudden announcement that she'd be getting married back in January? Yesterday we took the day off work to attend their traditional Shinto ceremony.

Yes, the ceremony was held a THURSDAY at a real shrine. And, for those who live in Japan, let me repeat that. A REAL, authentic shrine - not a hotel with small fake shrine or a tiny wedding chapel just inside the lobby - but a real one deep in the heart of Tokyo.

For the first time in 5 years, I wore a real dress. I was always self-concious about my legs, which are out of proportion to the rest of my body. Why is it that some people who are considered overweight have awesome, muscular legs? Why is it that I (who admittedly am bordering on overweight herself!) have really fat calves? For those of you who reside in the USA, perhaps this doesn't seem like a big deal to you. Living in Japan with all these skinny-minnies, I have grown much more self-conscious about the size of my legs. Anyway, I attended a friend's wedding about a month ago, and my husband was giving me advice about what to wear at the last minute, but we realized that I own nothing appropriate for a Japanese wedding.

The ladies who attend weddings in this country wear the most beautiful outfits, almost always in pastel colors, which could just make you wanna puke under any other circumstance. I wasn't planning to buy one for myself, but a few days before SIL's wedding, I went to Jusco (like JCPenneys) to buy a nice shirt that would match my normal uniform of black pants (that I wear to work every day.) Before purchasing, I thought I should just ask Suk which one was most appropriate for his sister's wedding. He took one look at the shirts I had chosen and said, "Well, the mothers will be wearing kimono, so you have to dress up more. Where are the dresses for weddings?" Oh, great. Do I have to buy one of those fancy pastel numbers?

We quickly found a few dresses and I tried them on. It's hard to find an appropriate size here. Most foreigners have problems. The first year I lived here, I used to get so upset that I had to buy LL size everything! Sometimes LL didn't even fit me, and I would cry about it. And my dress/shirt size is right 15 (Japanese size), but most displays only go up to 15, and usually it's rare to find anything left in that size. (So, someone must be buying them!) Anyway, I got a pink dress and a matching tweed jacket with a fake diamond clasp. PINK!

Me and my mother-in-law. She was SO jealous of my pink dress because she is crazy about the color herself!

Nonetheless, I was quite proud of myself for getting over my complex about my legs. I wouldn't say that I am totally over it, but I decided that since I am turning 30 this year, I should just get over it. People aren't looking at me and saying, "She's hot, except for the legs," anymore. They're looking at me and saying, "I bet she used to be hot." So, what! I am a-okay with that.

Being the Mama of a Mama's Boy

2006-05-01T09:38:00.000+09:00

I have come to the conclusion that being a mama of a Mama's Boy is really not so bad. In fact, it is quite flattering, and it is hard to force yourself to try and break the habits created between you and your Mama's boy.

Why did I come to this conclusion? Well, as you know, I often complain about my husband's attachment to his mom and about her encouragement of the whole situation. Well, now that I am the proud mama of a little male dog, I have realized that his attachment to me is really quite endearing. No, not just endearing, it is downright flattering and cute, and I do not see myself ever putting a stop to it.

I read in a magazine the other day about a mom who felt this way, and she wrote that she feels so good because her child can only be comforted by her, cries whenever she leaves the room, wants to follow her everywhere, loves to cuddle up to her, prefers her over other people, and seems so content sleeping in her arms. Well, this is exactly how I feel about my puppy, even if it is does piss other people off. He can keep on being a mama's boy for all his life, and I am not going to break him of it.

(Still trying to break him of the habit of peeing all around the kitchen though!)

What NOT to do when you own your own place

2006-04-25T22:34:00.000+09:00

Here are some warnings for anyone thinking about buying a place:

Do NOT bring anything with sharp corners into your new home. If you do, it will inevitably be knocked over and it will make a huge gouge in your wooden floor. Even something as small will make a sizable gouge.

Do not answer the door when NHK comes calling (and they will...at least once a day.)

If you happen to exchange "greeting" gifts with your next door neighbors, do NOT present them with the exact same thing that they just gave you.

Here are some warnings for anyone thinking about bringing a puppy into their new place:

Do not allow anything soft (rugs, floor chairs, clothing) to sit on the floor for anything length of time in the same vicinity as the animal. He will inevitably pee on it.

Do not take it personally when he chews at the corner of every wall within his reach.

Do not dwell on it when he tears the wallpaper off of part of a wall and exposes the cement and studs underneath.

Do not feel guilty when after weeks of constantly being peed on, the floor develops permanent staining.

Ode to Smokers

2006-04-24T23:01:00.001+09:00

When I first thought about writing this post, I was planning to show what little sympathy I sometimes feel for smokers who have no where to go these days. Since then, I have changed my mind, but let's start at the beginning.

At our old apartment, I had one very strict rule about smoking. No smoking inside was a given, but I did not allow smoking on the veranda as well. This is because verandas in Japan are not typically used for one's leisure. They are used for laundry and garbage, so the last thing I wanted was for our newly-washed clothes to smell like smoke or god-for-bid for our laundry or garbage to catch on fire. I also did not want the risk of smoke-stink to rush inside the house every time one opens the patio door just after smoking. I made Suk smoke outside the entrance door to our apartment. He kept an ashtray can out there, and after much complaining, he seemed to get used to it. At first he was embarrassed, and I said, "If smoking embarrasses you so much, perhaps you should quit."

Then, four years later, we moved to our new condo and since we own the goddamn place, you would think Suk would be able to enjoy the freedom of smoking in front of his own entrance door, but NO. The day after we had moved in, the Condo Association guy was walking around and he rang our door bell. No, it wasn't to introduce himself and welcome us to the building. It was to inform us that ashtray cans should not be left out front as it might cause problems for neighbors. The wind, I suppose could cause ashes to blow onto neighbors' entrance areas. Fair enough.

I truly felt sorry for him as he begrudgingly moved his can to our veranda, but I sternly reminded him that the veranda rule would not be changing. However, we live on the 12th floor and it is a long way down every time he wants to have a smoke. For the first week or two, I never saw him smoking. I know that he attempted to go down to the strip of grass just behind our building a few times, but that proved to be too strenuous. I thought maybe he had quit, or that he had taken to smoking only at work. What a dream either of those scenarios would have been.

But, last weekend, he went out on the veranda to smoke...not once, but twice...and right in front of me. I was not myself though. I had come down with a bad chest cold, and just didn't have the energy to gripe about anything, so I said nothing.

Another thing is that my ultra-annoying new co-worker who tends to make an ass of himself in drinking situations tried to have a debate with me about smoking and how it is his right to smoke, and he doesn't give a shit if it bothers anyone else, and that he's going to die anyway, and that he's been smoking for 23 years and he ain't gonna stop now. There was no arguing with him. What's the point in arguing with someone when he is of no relation to you and you couldn't give two shits whether he lives or dies? Suk, on the other hand, I do care about and I like to give him the argument about how smoking can affect your sperm, and he's always like, "RE-E-E-EALLY?"

Moving Day

2006-04-23T10:40:00.000+09:00

I know some people are waiting to hear about the move and our new place along with an update on the MIL, so I'll just start with a short post about the move itself.

We chose a moving company with an elephant for its logo because our condominium recommended that everyone use them. The price was estimated to be about $1200. They told us to be ready to go by 8 am on the moving day.

At 8 am we sat waiting for them, and thought we were about as ready as we were going to get. My husband went outside to buy us a drink from the vending machine and he saw their truck parked outside with two guys in uniform sleeping inside. We wondered why they didn't just come up and get started. We waited another hour (and of course my husband wasn't about to knock on their window and say, "What the hell are you doing?"), and we packed some more things up. Suk was getting really antsy.

Finally, the two sleepers (who looked like they were recent high school grads) came up and rang the doorbell. They informed us that they had been "waiting" for the second truck to show up with the rest of their team. However, while they were waiting, another moving company's truck had shown up and parked in front of the building. They were moving a family into the building and had already started, so we would have wait until they finished. It would take about 90 minutes. "Oooookaaaaay," we reply with doubt.

While we waited, our guys decided to move the dining table and hutch out and take it to MIL's house. They finished that in about one hour, and then they came back and parked...and took another long nap. The other moving company did not finish their job until well after noon. There was no sign of a second truck either.

By noon, my antsy-pantsy husband had been sent to the new place with my SIL and Sensei (her husband) so that they could get started over there. I gave them simple things to do like putting together the dog's cage, put up curtains, put contact paper in the drawers, etc. His mom had also shown up with lunch and he had taken her over to show her the new place as well. I waited for the movers to start working.

At about 1 pm, I happened to be outside talking to a friend when the other moving company finished and pulled out of the parking spot. Our moving guys were still napping, so I went over and knocked obnoxiously on the window and yelled, "Owarimashita yo!" (They're finished!).

Finally, they got started and out of nowhere, the rest of their team appeared, but still no second truck. They began in a whirlwind, taking all the boxes and a few pieces of furniture. By that time, Suk and his mom had come back to help out, but actually, the movers don't need any help. You should just stay out of their way.

Then they informed us that a second truck would not be showing up, and they would have to do the move in two parts since only half of our stuff would fit into the small truck they had. Great! March and April are the busiest times for moving in Japan, so I kind of understood the dilemma, but still. We had been told that our move would only take 3 hours at most!

We went to the new place where MIL set up a picnic lunch on the living room floor and we all ate. She even provided beer! It was nice to just relax and eat her food for a bit. Then, the movers appeared with our stuff and in a whirlwind of excitement, it was decided that I should stay at the new place to direct the movers. Suk and his mom went back to the old place to clean.

I am really grateful for that, but I also felt guilty. Anyway...bygones.

What the movers did that irked me:
1. One of the idiots dropped a box full of glass-bottled spices right in front of me. He swore at the box, and his team leader immediately took the box from him and asked me to open to make sure nothing was broken.

2. Towards the end of the move, (about 8pm!!!) the same idiot came into the living room to fetch me. He needed me to check the position of the bed after they had put it together. His way of fetching me was to walk into the room and just stand there silently until I would notice him.

3. Back in the bedroom, the idiot and his team leader re-positioned the bed, and the team leader advised me to leave a bit of space between the wall and the bed. I replied by saying, "Hai" (yes), and the idiot actually mimicked me!

All in all, it was a good experience...one that I learned a lot from. The move took 12 hours total, but not all of it was work, work, work. I think there was a lot of sleeping and standing-in-line. I wouldn't recommend that moving company to anyone either. But, it is so nice to be a new place that is so easy to clean.

Jumpstart - Six Weird Things

2006-04-17T15:18:00.000+09:00

Christine tagged me, so this will be my grand entrance back into the blogosphere. I have been pining away hoping to find the time to write, and now here I am.

Six Weird Things/Facts/Habits About Me

1. I sometimes call my dog by my husband's nickname by mistake. Suki and Maxy - I suppose that is easy to screw up, but thank god Suki has never heard me say this.

2. I hate playing/watching team sports. I prefer playing sports individually where competing for higher points is not necessary.

3. I love to eat dark chocolate, and I don't care if it's really not that good for me. My brain is convinced otherwise.

4. When I was kid, I used to get hand-me-downs for clothing, so I tried to be really creative with them. I used to wear bow ties with my great-grandfathers button-up vest. The first time I wore that outfit in junior high, I got laughed at, so I stopped wearing such fashions.

5. In 5th grade, I went around speaking what I called "Martian Language" to my classmates. It was just jibberish. To this day, I have no idea why I did that.

6. I used to be addicted to coca-cola, and last year I finally admitted it to myself. That is the first step to overcoming.

That was fun, but a little hard. I would like to tag the following people:

Homesick Home

at a loss for words

andrea in japan

Nanchatte Technojunkie

The Mean Teacher

Here are the rules!

1. Reveal six weird facts/things/habits about yourself and then tag six people.

2. Leave a "You're Tagged!" comment to let the people you have tagged know they have to reveal six things (or the entire blogosphere will explode and it will be their fault).

3. Leave a comment letting me know that you have completed your mission (if you have chosen to accept it!)

So much, So little...oh, what the heck

2006-03-30T00:05:00.000+09:00

I have so much to write about. I want to write about our experience with the move, our new place, and our puppy, but instead I am going to write about movies.

As some people already are aware of, Suk's one and only hobby is watching movies, talking about movies and going to video stores to rent movies. I also love movies, so often our Saturday night dates consists of dinner and a movie. (Before you say, how nice that is, I want to stress - the grass is always greener! We are not an active couple who go camping, skiing, hiking, white water rafting, etc. together. Oh...how I imagined that kind of fun marriage when I was a kid!)

So, movies it is.

Last December, I reluctantly went and saw King Kong because Suk's company was doing the advertising for it in Japan. We took his mom with us because she loves scary blockbusters. I loved this movie from the first second to the last, and I went around and recommended it to everyone I knew, including all of the people I work with. No one that I know of went and saw it! Can you believe that?! This is the kind of movie that needs to be seen on the big screen. Naomi Watts, whom many people seem to under-estimate, was absolutely amazing. She conveyed all that emotion with nothing but a blue screen behind her and a big mechanical ape hand in front of her with Andy Serkis (the same guy who played Golem in LOTR) making faces at her. She should have won an Oscar for that, and I believe that someday, she will get an award for something. She really is a good actress.

Rent KING KONG if you have not already.

A couple weeks ago, another teacher and I went and saw Crash. It was the last night that it would be playing at the theaters in Japan, and Suk highly recommended it. He had never seen it, but he wanted me to report to him what all the fuss was about. It was an amazing portrayal of the underlying racial tensions that people from all sides feel in the USA. I could totally relate to this movie, and I hope most Americans will admit that they do also. I have seen it happen, and I have seen people completely deny its daily occurrance. I had been looking for an educational movie to show my high school students for their Intercultural Understanding course. This is definitely it. My students go on a study tour every year to Texas where they visit our two sister schools for 2 weeks and they stay with host families. Those students from the sister school also come here to visit us for two weeks. Anyway, some of my kids have commented on the fact that they believed that racism had disappeared from American culture after the Civil Rights movement...until they went to Texas and heard their host students using derogatory names for black people and making fun of them behind their backs. I was shocked as well. I am not blaming Texas, certainly. It is just a concrete example. Anyway, this movie is a must-see.

Last week, on our day off, Suk and I went and saw Brokeback Mountain. We wanted to see what all the fuss was about. It is one of those movies that stays with you for days. On one hand, it was really sad...so sad and hopeless. It just breaks your heart. On the other hand, (warning: this will be graphic), I was shocked by the scene where they do it for the first time. I can't stop thinking about it. 'Nuff said. Go rent it.

Today, I needed to get out of the house because Max and I are in the middle of training, and I have to get him used to being alone for long periods during the work day. We are working our way up to 9 hours. So, today, I needed to leave house for 4 hours, and I decided to go catch a movie since it is ladies day and all. (Ladies Day is once a week, and women get about 800 yen knocked off the ticket price.) I went and saw the Chronicles of Narnia. I had never read the books, so this was something new for me. In fact, it was so good that I think I will tell the story to my kids countless times and make them believe that I made the story up. It was that good.

Another Classic Move by Said Husband II

2006-03-25T00:07:00.000+09:00

This will probably become a regular entry.

Let's see...what did he do today.

My parents called tonight which was an extremely rare occurrance. When they call, I am always so sure that someone has died or is going to die soon. Tonight they called to wish us good luck on the move. While on the phone (a record 63 minutes!), the call-waiting buzzed in, but I figured it was my husband since he is the only other person who ever calls and it was 11:30 PM, so I didn't bother to answer. I thought that if I cut my mom off mid-sentence and go to answer the call-waiting on a phone that she is paying for, she would probably say it's time to say good-bye and that would be it. I wouldn't hear from them again for months. Not...taking...any...chances.

After we got off the phone, I promptly called Suk back. He started in on a lecture about how call-waiting works. He is convinced that I have NEVER used call-waiting in my life...as if it is an invention by the Japanese and we primitive Americans don't understand this sort of technology. I explained all of the above pertaining to the phone call, and then somehow an argument ensued about his mother.

Why, oh, why do we always have to fight about his mom? There is a super-complicated situation going on that is related to furniture, and I am not going to bore you to death with the whole story, but basically we are giving her two pieces of large furniture and she is throwing her old furniture away to make room. Guess who is paying for the delivery of this furniture to her house and guess who is paying for the garbage-fee of the furniture she is throwing out? Us. Guess who is receiving two pieces of furniture for free? Her.

So, it seems that she comes out pretty good on this deal, and the reason we got in an argument was because I suggested that she pay the garbage fee herself. Well, low and behold, we can't possibly ask his precious mother to do such a thing! Then a fairly new piece of information was brought forth.

According to the sources (my husband has no memory of this and I had no knowledge until three weeks ago), four years ago, my husband went furniture shopping for our apartment. We had gotten married in the USA, but I didn't move to Japan until 2 months later, so my husband spent that two months looking for an apartment and then furnishing it. He claims to have spent his savings to buy the furniture (and since he was working full time and living at home, I could only assume that he had built up quite a savings). Anyway, recently, his mom informed him that she had taken out a loan to pay for some of our furniture and that she had just recently finished paying it off.

Now, before you say, oh that was so nice of her, I want to scream. Why didn't my husband pay her back? If he wasn't meant to pay her back, would it be considered a gift? We thought we were nice enough to give her this furniture for free, but now she claims that it has always belonged to her? What the fuck is going on here?

And, she came over about a month ago when I was not home. She was complaining to Suk about the marks on the furniture. Well, I thought it was mine and that I could bang it up if I wanted to!

The situation is actually gads more complicated than this, but you are getting the watered-down version. And now for the results:

1. We are paying the garbage fee.
2. My husband is pissed at me.
3. I have stopped packing for the night at his request because he claims that HE will do the REST. He also claims that I totally insisted on doing all the packing myself and that I "wouldn't let him help." Oh, you are going too, too far, Suk.
4. The wedge that has already been driven between me and Suk's family has been driven a little bit deeper, whether they know it or not, but Suk did say that he would be calling his mom to get her version of the furniture story because apparently, I can't be trusted. (And their versions always match, so there.)

I am officially staging a sit-in.

Update: I couldn't resist packing a few more boxes, and Suk didn't get home from work until about 6 am. We have already had 3 fights and several threats of "I'm going to cancel the whole thing." "I'm going to get my own apartment and you can live in the new place by yourself," and other similar such words being thrown back and forth. Status: Suk has now packed the rice cooker into a box. That is the extent of his effort so far.

Once again, it is time to BNM*

2006-03-24T23:54:00.000+09:00

*BNM means bitch 'n' moan.

We are on official count-down mode here. In 36 hours, we will be in the middle of moving to our new place. So after a day of hard window shopping and then finally purchasing a long-coveted bookshelf, I returned home to our old place (already calling it that out of mix of nostalgia & annoyance) to several towers of hastily labeled boxes.

I started packing the kitchen last night after making a final pot of curry - something that will last a few days, not only in quantity, but also in aroma. I have been noticing lately how much my age is catching up with me.

I mean, I know that I am only 29 and this summer will celebrate the big 30, but MAN, am I out of shape or what?! I feel sore after sitting in the same position for more than 5 minutes. I get up and my legs have muscle cramps and I have to limp to the next room. Then, after packing the kitchen (only 1/3 of it), I was so sore that I could barely crawl into my freezing-ass bed at 1 AM.

Did I mention the results of my health check a couple weeks ago? Well, I am a 36-year-old trapped in a 29-year-old's body. I have several friends who are in their late 30's, so I certainly don't want to offend anyone. But, if this is rate I am going, by the time I really am 36, I will be 50 on the inside. The saddest thing is that I have not had children yet, so my young, limber body (wherever it went!) will never have the chance to chase her kids around the yard. (Next, I should say that my new resolution is to take up yoga (for real, this time!) and to exercise regularly along with eating a well-balanced diet, but I won't satisfy you all with that kind of unrealistic bullshit. You know I won't do it, and I know that you know, so let's cut the crap.)

In a couple of weeks, after unpacking the house and while still being in the midst of training my new puppy, I will be so unbelievably busy at school with the start of the new year that I will be lucky to even think about food/exercise, other than the food I give to the dog and walks I take him on. Unhealthy I know, but students and dogs take precedence at this time in my life.

My husband often complains that I am the most selfish person in the world. I am SO NOT selfish. Just because I use the word "I" a lot does not make me, me, me a selfish person, right?

Enough of my blathering. I really need to stop reading other people's blogs and get back to work.

Overheard at a Bar (No, wait, I was a part of this conversation!)

2006-03-18T21:44:00.000+09:00

Last night, I went out with a group of English teachers, mostly Japanese, and Craig posed this question:

If you could live across the street from anything in the world, what would it be?"

Craig's answer: A brewery
MandeJ's answer: A coffee shop
Mr. O: A movie theater
Mr. K: A ramen shop
Mr. N: A park
Ms. K: A coffee shop, also
Mr. T: A book store
Mr. S: A librarian

Wait, a librarian? You mean, LIBRARY, right?

Mr. S, whose English is almost perfect, says, "No, I mean LIBRARIAN."

The One About the Bloody Stumps (and the Sweet Husband)

2006-03-18T21:09:00.000+09:00

Ever seen a movie where they remove the boots of a man whose suffering from war wounds and they feet are just bloody stumps? And, then they have to decide whether to cut off his feet or not?

I do not take those movies lightly, but I'll share with you my story about bloody stumps.

Every summer, I go through this phase of wanting to wear high-heeled sandals of some kind, and then I practically kill my feet by putting them up to the challenge at least twice a week. I think, "Oh, I'll get used to it. I mean, look at all those other women who walk around in high heels every day. If they can do it, so can I." Problem is that my feet never do get used to it, and I end up wearing more bandaids that I can count on each foot, and I probably spend more on boxes of bandaids than I did on the sandals themselves.

Then, this January, after coming back from our winter vacation, we went shoe shopping for Suk. But, I found these terrific (low) high heels on sale and I tried all of them on before I finally settled on a pair I liked. I had never owned ultra-pointy high heels before, and I thought this would be a good opportunity to really style it up this winter.

I have only worn them three times, counting today. Each time, I have done the unthinkable - what Christine really hates - I wore them with jeans. Oh, the horrors!

So, today, since Suk and I were going on a date, I wore them because he really likes them. Typical, right? He thinks the clickety-click sound is sexy. I had to walk to the train station because my bike is still parked at work, but I walked evenly and slowly, and I actually made it without too much pain.

I had to run up the escalator to catch the train. Then, stand on train. Okay, still doing fine down there.

I met Suk at the station of our hangout and we walked over the our favorite curry restaurant. Walking a bit slower, but still managing.

We ate buffet-style lunch. Avoiding having to get up and walk anywhere. Asking Suk to get stuff for me sometimes.

Walked back to our favorite coffee shop and sat outside on the benches for a while. Sitting down so everything is a-okay.

We went to a furniture store nearby to (ONCE AGAIN) check out their bookshelves. Ow...pain...sit down on this here nice sofa...yep, just trying it out...okay, how about this one...no, I like this sofa better...good feeling...ow...ow...pain in foot.

Walking back to our coffee shop, I was going much slower, sort of dragging one foot behind me. I said, "Gee, I don't really want to go home yet. Can we stop and have some coffee first?"

"Your feet hurt, don't they?"

Damn, how did he notice?

We sat at the coffee shop for over an hour. My feet resting on the top of my shoes. It started to rain outside, so it gave us the excuse to stay longer.

But, then, Suk's mom called. Where the heck are you? I'm waiting for my bird!

Oh yeah, as a side-note update, Suk and SIL ordered another bird for their mom as soon as the first one ran away. It finally came into the pet store today, and Suk insisted on going to pick it up and bringing it to her personally. He also wanted to pay for it...out of his own allowance. That's a good boy...

So, back to reality, we have to go back to our station, trek over to the pet store by bus, get the damn bird, and somehow take it to his mom's house. It's at times like these when I really wish we had a car...or that I wasn't wearing high heels.

We go to the station, wait for the train, go back to our station, catch a bus to the pet store, which is quite a long walk from the bus stop, mind you, and by this time it is PAINFULLY obvious that I will not make it the rest of the evening if I have to walk anywhere.

At the pet store, we take a look at the bird, Suk pays for it, I sit on a bench and watch the caged dogs for a while, Suk calls his mom and they decide to go get the bird themselves the next day. No more worries about the bird, but Suk is depressed because he really wanted to take it to his mom himself. Damn shoes!!

After that, we walk across the street to the little shopping mall and buy some food for dinner. I can barely make it around the store. All I can think about is how bloody my feet must look by now. Meanwhile, Suk, who has somehow developed MY fear of public toilets, can only think about how badly he has to use the toilet. Both of us are crabby, but trying not to blame each other for it. (That is truly a positive sign that things are improving in our marriage!)

Then, we begin the long walk home (okay, about 10 minutes if you are wearing tennis shoes), but to me, it seems like a lifetime. Halfway there, I begin walking on my tippy toes, kind of like Barbie. If it was a hot, summer day, I would have just carried my shoes and walked barefoot. This was going too slow, and Suk, who still needed to use the toilet, said, "You are never ever going to wear these shoes again." Clickety-click sound isn't so sexy anymore, is it, my dear?

I kindly offered that he go on ahead, but he stuck with me...and he didn't yell at me or cuss me out. (Another good sign!) About 2/3 of the way home, he took off his left tennis shoe and offered it to me. Then, he put my left high heel on (I am sure that his foot barely fit inside it), and we walked on like that for about 5 minutes. This time he was walking a little slower than me, but oh god, MY left foot felt instant relief.

Then, he couldn't stand it anymore, and he offered to trade so that he could wear my right high heel and I could wear his right tennis shoe. Since we were very nearly home by that time, I gave him his shoe back and wore by high heel from hell back to our apartment.

So, the question is...will I ever wear those bloody-stump-makers again? Probably, but I will be sure to pack lots of bandaids and maybe an extra pair of tennis shoes in my bag.

Another Classic Move by Said Husband

2006-03-17T16:43:00.000+09:00

This is our last weekend to pack before the big move. Next weekend, on Saturday, we will go and pick up the key. Then, we'll have to day to finish packing. On Sunday, the movers will come early and pick up the stuff, so we can either go over the new place and help them, or we can stay here and finish the cleaning.

SIL (sister-in-law) and Sensei (her new husband) will be here to help out. They are planning to come over from Tokyo the day before and spend the night at Suk's mom's house, so that they can come over early the next morning. So, Suk had this bright idea to go over to his Mom's house to eat dinner with everyone on Saturday night.

What!?

He has used every excuse in the book to get out of helping me pack and clean. Last weekend, he just had to go over to his Mom's and have a "meeting" with her about two pieces of furniture we are giving her. These "meetings" seem to be a tradition in his family as they always have to meetings about everything...including things that really have nothing to do with anyone except me and Suk. I didn't go that time. I stayed home and packed some more boxes.

And, as you can guess, since a little argument about this Saturday-night-before-we-move dinner at his mom's house ensued, Suk claimed that he would be spending all of tomorrow alone outside, so there goes another day of potential assistance he could have given me.

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking. We would probably get in fight over how he packs boxes or god for bid, how he labels them, but it's just the principle of the thing.

Eyes Aglaze

2006-03-14T19:09:00.000+09:00

I realize that I may have invented the word "aglaze," but it refers to being forced to listen to someone drone on and on about something you care nothing about.

What is wrong with me? Am I abnormal for not being at all interested in topics like the latest on computer technology and laws, or the political relationship between Taiwan & China or the differences between Chinese kanji, Korean kanji and Japanese kanji. Look, people, I could not care less.

What if I give you a spontaneous lecture on the ins and outs of scrapbooking designs and techniques or the latest celebrity gossip? Okay, I admit it. I am not that smart, at least when it comes to the topics mentioned above, but I would blow your ass out of the water if the topic of scrapbooking or celeb gossip ever came up.

Is it because I am getting older and therefore less interested in what others have to say? Or, have I always been this way? And, on a non-related note, how can I politely let someone know that I am utterly and totally uninterested, now and forever, in what they are talking about?

A Human Dock

2006-03-10T18:20:00.000+09:00

This morning, I went in for my annual health check. Up until now, I have always gone to a hospital and just gotten an X-ray to check for tuberculosis. However, this year, perhaps because I am turning 30 or because my 3-year teaching license is being renewed, I was told to do the health check at the city public health office.

It started out fairly pleasantly. Everyone was super kind and smiley. I had to change into a pair of short pants and a Japanese-style shirt that ties in the front.

Urinanalysis
This could have been uneventful, but it wasn't. Someone had left a huge, stinky present in one of the Japanese-style toilets, and it caused the entire bathroom to reak. I thought I was going to throw up. Obviously that person has problems, and this is precisely why I feel extremely uneasy about using public toilets, especially those that look as if they might not flush.

X-Ray
After that, I felt like I would throw up, but I hoped the feeling would fade. The x-ray technician said hello to me when it was my turn, and I said "Onegai shimasu." This means, "Please" in Japanese, and it is a very commonly used phrase. He responded by saying, "Oh, you can speak Japanese so well." I said, "I only said one word." He said, "Oh, well...whatever."

Blood
They drew three viles of blood, and I asked the woman what my blood type is. My husband and his family have been asking me for years, but I have NO idea what it is. I don't really want to know because I would rather not be categorized like that. Plus, the topic of blood-type comes up in family-dinner conversation at least ONCE each time. They are so proud of the fact that they all have B-type blood. I know one thing though. I do NOT have B-type blood. I am nothing like them. Anyway, the woman said I would find out later today, but I didn't. I guess I have to wait until the results of all the tests get sent to my school.

Eyes
I had to do the eye test, and she said I have 1.5. Whatever that means. She said it was good. Eye tests here are pretty cool because you have to look at a circle with an opening and tell them whether the opening is on the top, right, bottom or left of the circle. Anyone can do it even if they are illiterate or dyslexic.

Ears
I had to go into a sound booth and put on headphones. Then, I had to listen for the beeps and press a button every time I heard them. Way better than hearing tests I had growing up. I have bad hearing, so I always failed those tests and had to go and have additional tests done. Luckily, I passed this one.

Weight/Height
They checked my weight/height and blood pressure here.

Lung Capacity
Here, you take a breathing test, and you have to breathe into a tube. They measure how much air you can take into your lungs.

Heart
I had to walk up and down this little set of stairs. Each step has a light and when the light goes on, you should be stepping on that step. The lights speed up and slow down, and you have to do for what seems like 10 minutes, but is probably only 2 or 3 minutes. Then, they check your heart by putting these electric nodes on your chest, arms and ankles. It is intense.

After that, the cardiologist talked to me and told me it looked fine, but that I am a little overweight. Actually, what he said was, "Taijuu wa ne...chotto." Well, maybe I am just having a fat day.

I was pretty exhausted by this point, but I still had a couple more checks to do.

Heart Rate
I had to ride a stationary bike for about 8 minutes while wearing a blood pressure cuff and a bunch of electric nodes on my torso. They make you ride until your heart goes up to 160, no matter how long it takes. I was sweating like a horse by time I was finished.

Various (Weird) Checks
I had to wait around for quite a while after that. Finally they called me and two other people in to do the last test. This is a series of 6 tests, including the following:

Strength test
Jumping test
Flexibility test
Balance test
Reflex test
Movement test

I have no idea what to call that last one. I had to run side to side on a mat, and she would count every time my foot went past a black line on either side.

I have really bad knees, plus I am slightly overweight (at least compared to Japanese people), so these tests were not easy for me. I suppose I should eat less and exercise more. I should not sit in front of a computer or my scrapbooking desk so much every day. And, I should eat a little less chocolate.

This last series of tests really did a number on my body. I felt like CRAP for the rest of the day, and I still have a sideache. I haven't had a sideache since gym class in high school when they forced us to run laps. I think I really did hurt myself somehow.

Staaaaa-baaaaaa

2006-03-02T13:37:00.000+09:00

Recognize that word?

That's how we refer to "Starbucks" in Japanese.

It is my second favorite coffee shop, and I often go there because it is every where you look. Last summer, my friend gave me a Starbucks card for my birthday, and after the initial 1500 yen ran out, I have been adding money to it so I can keep using it.

One problem though. I never add more than 1000 yen at a time, so the next time I go to Starbucks and order my obigatory cafe mocha short size and chocolate chunk cookie, I have to pay the difference because 1000 yen just doesn't cover two visits to Starbucks. I always end up putting more money on the card just to cover my order.

And this happens repeatedly. They probably think of me as the "stingy card-carrying foreign woman."

So, yesterday, I was in Omotesando and I needed to eat something for dinner, so I went to STA-BA- and ordered the same thing I always get...to go. They put the cup in a bag with one of those green stoppers on it to prevent leakage.

It was pouring really hard outside, and I had no umbrella, plus I was in a huge hurry. So I took the cookie out and ate it while running down the street to my destination.

I think the running is what caused the green stopper to pop out of the coffee lid. Oh wait...I'm rushing through this story.

I arrived at my destination with my hair, coat and purse soaking wet. I am still holding the bag of coffee. I'm standing there waiting for my appointment and hoping that I can get a seat on the couch as soon as those ex-pats leave. Finally, they leave and I sit down on the couch. I realize that I need to fill out a form, so I set my coffee bag on the couch next to me. I still have not taken a sip because I've been too frazzled until this point. I grab a clipboard and dig for a pen to fill out the form.

While I am filling it out, I think, "Oh, I should down the coffee while I still have a few minutes."

I reach into the bag and pull out the cup. The bottom is soaked in coffee and the little green stopper has popped out and is just hanging there. I take one sip when it occurs to me that the coffee MAY HAVE leaked.

I look inside the bag and sure enough, the bottom of the bag is completely soaked. I lift the bag and see that the couch now has a large wet spot on it. Not just a wet spot, but a brownish wet spot.

My solution to the problem is to take the coffee and the bag into the bathroom. I dump the coffee into the sink and throw everything away. I go back out to the waiting room and see that there are coffee puddles over the floor. I go back into the bathroom to get toilet paper so I can wipe it up when I notice there are coffee puddles all over the bathroom floor as well as the counter.

I look down at my light khaki pants and see they are coffee stained, but LUCKILY (and this is the only bright spot in the story), the stain is at the cuff and you can always attribute that to mud.

Didn't I order the short size? Should I tell them that I just stained their couch? Would I be considered a liar if I just don't mention and hope that no one notices?

Weekend Marriage

2006-02-27T16:05:00.000+09:00

Today, I woke up with a headache and it is now 4:30 pm. The headache has not gone away yet, so I am glad that I opted to stay home and "recover." Meanwhile, I was able to get most of my recent "for sale" items packaged up and outta here before Suk finds out that I sold or gave away a bunch of dvds and videos that we don't need and will never ever watch again. I think he just likes to keep them for posterity even if most of them were given to him for free from his company and they are B-rated movies. Let others enjoy them...and then pass them on.

So, since I was at home today, I decided to watch a little TV. I very rarely turn on our TV these day, except when the Olympics was on. One reason is simply that the reception sucks in this building, and I hate watching three of everything. The other reason is that I don't find Japanese TV all that fascinating anymore.

I happened to turn it on to a drama - one of those syndicated ones that are on in the late afternoons. The name of it was Shuumatsukon. This means "weekend marriage." It is exactly what you think it is. A married couple who only see each other on the weekends because the guy works so late every night, and in some cases he has his own apartment near his company where he stays during the week.

Let me just say that if I had known there was even a term for this situation, I would NOT have opted to get married and move here. Suk sold himself to me by saying that it wouldn't be this way forever. Other people have told me it only gets worse. And, I read in the newspaper last week, that with the baby boomers starting to retire, the divorce rate is going up. They have this new term called "Narita Divorce." This is akin to the Honeymoon Divorce.

A "Narita Divorce" is when a couple who have not spent much time together due to the husband's working schedule plan a trip to a foreign country to celebrate his retirement, and when they get back to Japan, they file for a divorce because they realize that spending that much time together is not what it is cracked up to be. The article also warned that going on a luxury cruise is the worst idea for a couple like this because being stuck together on a cruise ship for weeks tends to cause even more divorces. In this case, the woman usually has an easy time attending social activities and making new friends on board, while the man holes himself up in the room and pouts.

The article suggests that you take short trips and weekend trips together for a while before going on a long vacation.

This is the latest news in my career as a married woman. My husband told me he had to ask my advice about something. He said that he may have a chance to take a business to L.A. to do some editing work on a trailer for a movie. I know that this is his dream, but he was worried that the business trip might end up being in March, right around or ON our moving date.

Oh my god - if he leaves me here alone during our moving date, I am sure that arrangements will me made so that his family will help with everything. Scenes from the MOVING WEEKEND FROM HELL flash through my mind!

After a moment, I looked at him and said, "I know it is your dream to go to L.A., but what is your priority here? We have been planning this move for a year now."

I know he understood what I meant. I hope he gets the opportunity to go, but his company always has such great timing! They love to spring things on him at the worst times, and guess what?! They DO NOT CARE one way or another if it has any effect on his family...I mean, his wife.

Customer Service my AASS

2006-02-21T23:21:00.000+09:00

In January, I wrote a 3-page letter to American Airlines complaining about our problems with them on our flight home to Japan. Surprisingly, I got a response by email:

Given that you have contacted us again, I wish there were some way to resolve this issue to your satisfaction and in accordance with our company policies and procedures as they relate to this matter. While I absolutely understand the point you are making, I'm afraid our position has not changed. We must decline to settle this issue as you have suggested. We are simply making no exceptions to our corporate policy as it relates to this situation.

This was my response, also by email:
And you call yourself a customer service department? You can't even write an authentic response to a complaint? Your email makes no reference to my complaint nor to exactly what you are refusing to in dealing with the issue. Does everyone get a letter like this? I suggested that you improve your customer service in the future! You refuse to do that?! Have you ever been in a customer's position for any situation? You are human, right? Do you realize what you are telling me? That you have a corporate policy of offering only the worst customer service possible and that you WILL NOT do anything to improve it. Thank you for being honest.

This is why they advise you not to respond to emails when you are pi-i-i-issed.

Update

2006-02-20T21:25:00.000+09:00

Olympics:
I am bound and determined NOT to miss tonight's skating event, so I am going to not depend on the VCR timer. Last time, I set the damn thing to start recording at 3 AM and when I woke up in the morning, there was NOTHING! I am so disappointed in missing everything I want to see. It seems like curling is always on at the right time when everyone in Japan is awake. Great planning, folks!!! We LOVE that curling.

MIL:
Haven't interacted with her since our last dramatic episode, but her name has come several times in arguments between me and Suk.
What do you have against my mom?
Why do you hate her?
What did she ever do to you?
You're just jealous of our relationship, aren't you?

Let's get this straight, buster, I do NOT hate your mom. I just want a little LESS of her and a little MORE of you!

He thinks I should make the first move and call her up to apologize or something like that. For, like, a minute, it crossed my mind to send her some flowers with a letter about how we are under a tremendous amount of stress lately and it is affecting our relationship - so sorry to have let it interfere with our precious MIL-DIL relationship. But, I decided that from a Japanese perspective, that might sound like a big, fat excuse. So, I chose to do nothing, for now.

Car:
Since Suk got his license last December, he is now keen on buying a car and can be spotted scouring brochures and car magazines in what little free time he has. He and his MOM and dad went car shopping one day when I was out of town. (Yeah, I was real happy about that, but I got over it. I told him to take some cars for a test drive with the salesmen, because that is what one would normally do when purchasing a car, but he is afraid to drive. I guess he'll have to bring his dad and let him do the test driving. Hmmm.

Condo:
We are moving to our new place at the end of March, and I am anxiously waiting to pack up all our stuff. The boxes will be arriving from the moving company this week. I have not been successful in convincing Suk to go through his stuff and purge a few things. I tell him we can't possibly fit everything into our new place. One thing I really hate is clutter, and for those of you who are familiar with Japanese people, they LOVE LOVE LOVE clutter. But, when I mention the topic, he becomes very violent and mean. He refuses to part with anything, and he is quick to point out all of my things that could be thrown out.

So, I took it upon myself to throw out some things I had been on the fence about, but was afraid he might get offended.

A small stuffed teddy bear given to me by Suk's dad for no reason whatsoever.
Justification #1: I hate stuffed animals.
Justification #2: Suk refuses to touch anything that is dusty. He considers all stuffed animals to be dusty the moment the plastic wrap is removed. (Note: this does not stop him from collecting various toys and stuffed animals, none of which he will touch, but he displays them proudly in our entrance area)
Justification #3: It has no special meaning to me. Not like the little stuffed sheep my mom gave me when I was a teenager and I still have.

A HUGE stuffed teddy bear given to me by Suk's dad for no reason whatsoever.
Justification #1: I hate stuffed animals, especially ones that take up a lot of room.
Justification #2: At first, I admit that I liked the thing because it made for a soft pillow while watching TV, but then it was considered "dusty" and therefore "untouchable" by Suk within one week of receiving it. I wasn't allowed to move it around because that would "stir up dust." It has been biding its time in the storage room ever since.
Justification #3: If I throw it out now, he will never even remember that it existed.

The bottom of our kotatsu blanket set
Justification #1: It is hard to clean, it bunches up and it is a PAIN IN THE ASS.
Justification #2: The kotatsu set is ugly. I did not choose it. I hate flowery things and for the longest time, I was sure that MIL had chosen the curtains and all other fluffy objects for our apartment before I moved here, because they all have one thing in common - BIG UGLY FLOWERS in COLORS I WOULDN'T WISH ON MY WORST ENEMY.
Justification #3: Somehow I convinced Suk to buy a hot carpet, so after we move, we will no longer need the bottom kotatsu thing.
Justification #4: As soon as the weather warms up, or as soon as we move, that top kotatsu blanket will get thrown out as well. Good riddance!

SUMMER VACATION:
Originally, I was planning to go home this summer to see my parent's new house, to go through some of my stored items, and to see some friends whom I could not visit with last time around. Then, the whole lack-money-thing got in the way. Our finances are stretched slightly thin this year, and I am afraid to leave the dog for such long time while it is still young and being trained. I don't want some idiot to come along and screw him up, so I best stay in Japan and spend my vacation with Max.

Now I am trying to convince Shannon to come and visit. We didn't get much alone time together this past Christmas, and every once in a while, I go through major Shannon-withdrawal. Other than her (if she agrees to this), I don't think anyone else is coming to visit this year.

Feminine is the New Masculine

2006-02-17T13:02:00.000+09:00

I have decided that this should be Japan's new motto.

Watching Takahashi this morning doing his Free Skate routine, I asked Suk, "What do you think of him?"

I expected an answer like, "He usually skates better than this. He must be feeling really nervous."

Instead, I got, "I think he's gay."

Actually, he does not look gay in Japan. He looks like a very typical, fashionable man who spends a lot of time on his hair and clothes. This is the recent trend of young Japanese men.

Some of my male students wear barrettes in their hair, long purple and fushia scarves around their necks, earrings, and pink cardigans under their school blazer. This is as much as they can get away with while wearing a school uniform.

I have even seen boys sporting headbands - the kind that a girl would traditionally wear to hold her bangs back.

Although, I want to make snide remarks to these boys and demand that they remove their accessories for the class, I do NOT. I wouldn't want to damage their self-esteem.

Before Saying Goodnight

2006-02-16T23:59:00.000+09:00

Tonight, I actually sat down and watched the digest version of the Olympics, and I got to see a tiny bit of skating. Japan has only one male skater - Takahashi. But I don't care, I just love watching the figure skating events no matter who is up there. Give my sister credit for that one. I also managed to find out that skating will be on TV from 2:30 am to 7:15, so I am going to set the VCR and tape it.

I started a new blog the other day called Puppy Love Love. I didn't want to inundate this blog with stories about Max, so I thought I would dedicate a blog to dogs and call it a day. It is very much a work-in-progress as I want to write about some dog-related events over the past year, so most of my entries are still in the drafting phase and have not been published. I also need to learn a few more tricks about HTML and blogging before I let it out of the cage, so to speak.

By the way, in a class today, a student asked me what "so to speak" means, and I had NO IDEA what to tell her. What the hell?

I never write about my students for privacy's sake, but I have noticed something really strange about my female students lately. When I call on them to answer a question and they don't know the answer, they look at me with these cute, childish puppy-dog eyes. These are high school girls. I am not sure why they think I will take it easy on them if they do that, but perhaps they are just beginning to discover their potential as women.

I mean, don't even try to tell me that you never ever look at your boyfriend or husband with those big puppy-dog eyes when you want something, and he knows you want it, and you know that whatever it is, he will give it to you because how can he NOT!

Now that everyone is ... happy

2006-02-15T23:09:00.000+09:00

Last fall, my friend Sara got engaged to her awesome live-in boyfriend. He is very much like a boy we all had a crush on when we were kids, so I consider her to be pretty lucky. They'll get married this September in Wisconsin. A small wedding as neither one of them are religious. I would so like to attend this wedding, but due to my school schedule, I doubt it will possible. I haven't made a final decision on that front though.

Last night, my best friend Shannon got engaged to her boyfriend Russell. I wrote about them in a previous entry. She forewarned me the day before by sending me an email. She said if he were to propose, she would call my cell phone immediately. I made sure to charge up my cell phone this morning before leaving for work, but unfortunately, I forgot it at home. I stopped at home on my way to my Japanese lesson, and there was a frantic message on the cell phone, along with another one on the house phone. She is engaged! I am hoping to get more details soon.

Last weekend, I got my postcard in the mail saying that I passed the 2-kyuu exam for Japanese proficiency. Yeah for me!

Tonight, like Chris, I played cupid and introduced my Australian classmate from Japanese lessons to a very good Japanese friend of mine. Let's call her Ms M. Ms M brought along one of our other friends for moral support, and this was a good thing because it gave Ms M many chances to chat away with him while I chatted with Asako. Oh, in actuality, he could have his choice of either girl. They are both great candidates, in my opinion. Everything was going well. The conversation was comfortable, they were duly impressed with his knowledge of tax-related vocabulary in Japanese (God only knows why we were talking about taxes in Japanese!) and the two of them seemed to get along nicely. Until...

Towards the end of the evening, over dessert, I decided to drop the bombshell - the news about my new puppy. I even had photos to show off. I happen to know that my Australian classmate loves dogs as much as I do, and that he can't wait until he moves back to Australia so he can get his own. Ms M took the photos from me and looked them over. She said, "It's nice for you, but I'm not interested in this myself."

When questioned further, she said, "You see, I just don't like living things."

Ouch. That bites the big one.

I am not sure how he will feel about her after this. I wish I had known this small, but very important detail about her.

She doesn't even like goldfish.

And now...the good news!

2006-02-13T19:01:00.000+09:00

Since last July, Suk and I have been discussing mundane things like breeds, gender, color and house-training. In August, I wrote in my blog about going to visit a breeder in Nagoya. We had been hoping to get a dog from her when the time came, but the time came and she seems to have fallen off the face of the earth.

As our moving date grows near, our search for a reputable breeder has become more serious. We were discussing our schedule for this year and about when would be the best time to introduce a new puppy into our lives.

Turns out that April 1 will be the best time. It is one week after we move, so I will have to work hard to organize the house before we bring him home.

Yesterday, after arguing a bit, as usual, we did our regular internet search to see if any pups had been put up for sale lately. We had decided to try for a breeder in our same prefecture, so that we could actually go visit the breeder and the pups without having access to a car.

We found what we were looking for and after some emails were sent back and forth between us and the breeders, they invited us over to come and see the puppies. There were three left, and based on the photos from the net, we couldn't decide which one we wanted. They told us if we wait too long, the puppies will be sold to other people. So, we took the train up to their house late last night.

We felt kind of nervous on our way there, but I had prepared the cash just in case we would decide to buy on the spot. All three of the puppies were boys, so whether we would get a boy or a girl seemed irrelevant now. We were getting a boy, for sure.

When we arrived at the place, it was quite dark and hard to see, but it was your typical Japanese family-owned business - very messy. They took us to a small building just off the main house where guests can come and look at the puppies, and this room was clean and cozy. They brought in the three little guys and we all sat on the floor playing with them for a while.

It was so hard to decide because they were all very playful and healthy-looking, but somehow I liked the one that had the most white on his face. He has a small black mark, shaped like an eyebrow, over his right eye, and that is what did it for me. He seemed to take a liking to me as well, and once that was decided, we paid the money in full.

Since we cannot keep pets at our current place, even in secret because the apartment manager lives just below us, we asked the breeders to keep him until April 1. On April 1, we will go and pick him and bring him back to his new home.

We have already chosen a name for him, and the breeder is going to call him that so he gets used to it. Also, they want us to go and visit him sometimes, so we can play with him and get him more used to us. Meanwhile, she is going to keep us up to date with emails and photos about him.

This is a very exciting endeavor for me and in many ways, it's a dream come true. I hope, but I cannot expect, that it will help Suk and I to not fight like cats and dogs anymore. Maybe it will bring some peace to our household - something else to focus our attention on rather than each other's annoying habits and negative traits. I can just hope for that.

Introducing...Max!

My Enemy

2006-02-13T11:56:00.000+09:00

The other night, we had a date to go over and eat "The Last Supper" with Suk's sister and the family because from now on, as a married woman, she may not come home as often and if she does, she'll be bring Sensei with her.

This is the story of that night, but alas...there is a happy ending, which I will write about in my next post.

On the way there, Suk turns to me and says, "Do you feel that my mother is competition for you?"

I told him the truth. Although I think she is a wonderful, nice and funny woman, I sometimes feel the situation is difficult to deal with. Not only does he suffer immensely from what we commonly refer to as Oedipus Complex (or Mazakon in Japanese), his mother is quite proud of the fact that her son likes her and depends on her so much.

He went on to explain to me that there is a difference between "love for you mother" and "love for your wife." Oh, yes, do I need that explained to me? Does anyone? God, I hope not.

What has always bothered me is that he often makes arrangements with his mother and sister before speaking to me about it. I am usually the last to know. It is as if I am on a need-to-know basis, and most of it seems to be stuff I don't "need to know," according to them.

In the beginning, it usually involved dinner plans. Plans would be made, times, places and food would be decided. All week, they would call each other using cell phones (not once would our house phone ring!), and finally, the day before the decided date (and sometimes on the day of!), I would be told about my weekend plans.

There were times when I already had my own plans. Or I just wanted to hang out with my workaholic husband on the weekend because that is essentially our only time together. But basically, I just wanted to be let in on the planning stages, so that I could be more informed.

After arguing about it for a while, we (I) came to the conclusion that since I am the wife, I should have first priority in his life, and that decisions should not be made without me, even if it is something as harmless as a Saturday night dinner.

There are other issues involving my relationship with Suk's mom, but this seems to be the main one.

When I first started this blog, I wrote about how we chose to buy our condo. We will move into it next month, so the last few months have been very busy making arrangements for a moving company, signing papers, choosing and ordering furniture, etc. Unfortunately, there are some things which I cannot do by myself, either because the condo-related stuff is not in my name, or because I am not completely literate in Japanese.

Nonetheless, I do my best to stay involved in the entire process...

Which is really hard when you have a husband who much prefers to depend on his mom for everything, and she enables him to do so.

For example, we have hired a moving company. A consultant came to our house to estimate how much the cost would be. My husband is a workaholic, so I have to do all the purging, cleaning and packing by myself. Suk made the arrangements with our current apartment manager as to when we have to be out of our apartment. Mind you, we are moving to a place just down the street (a 4-minute walk), so the ideal thing would be that we have an extra day or two to go back the old place and clean it up a bit before handing over the keys. Without consulting me (as usual), Suk arranged to hand over the keys on the SAME DAY that we move. Good-bye security deposit x 3!

When I complained, he assured me it would be okay because his entire family (including Sensei!) would be coming over to help us on that day. I thought that could be a good thing or a bad thing. Do I really want his mom taking over everything in the new place in her "helpful" way? Do I really want her cleaning up after us? But, with so little time, you do what you have to do.

(Not so! His family objected to the idea of cleaning up our old apartment while we assist the movers in our new place. THEY also want to be in the new place "assisting." Yeah, I can just see it now.

Me: Please put the table over there.
Her: No, it should go here. Yoo-hoo, put it here.
Him: Actually, I am thinking this would be a better place. What do you think, Mom?

Or

Him: Mande, why don't you stay here and clean the apartment.
Me: Why do I have to?
Him: Because my mom can make coffee or tea for the movers, and that's an easy job for her.
Her: (says nothing
Me: I can do THAT!!!
Him: It's just BETTER FOR YOU TO CLEAN!!! FINE! YOU DON'T WANT TO MOVE?! LET'S JUST CANCEL THIS WHOLE THING!

The end.)

So, back to the latest Saturday night dinner at her house. First things first, I had been low-carbing it last week due to a slight weight-gain and was surprised to see what she had prepared for dinner.

Ha! And they say Japanese food is healthy!

Second, I hadn't been feeling good all day and had an upset stomach. I knew that alcohol and deep-fried food would be a bad combination, but I couldn't refuse to partake. Halfway through dinner, I had to retire to the sofa where I could rest quietly.

After dinner and dessert were finished, Suk took his folders pertaining to our condo out of his bag and prepared to show her various pieces of new information and possiby ask for advice. Most of this is stuff he hasn't even bothered to explain to me. When I pick something up and ask a question about it, he usually yells at me and says, "Jibun de yome yo!", meaning, "Read it yourself!" Yeah, that's likely.

One of the items he brought with him was a magazine about dogs. We are in the process of looking for a breeder of French Bull dogs in our area of Japan, and I think he just wanted to show her some magazine articles about this type of dog. I was only half paying attention to their conversation.

She was basically lecturing him about how it's time for him to grow up and become an adult. We are almost 30 years old. We are buying a condo, getting a dog and thinking about starting a family. So, we should be able to do things on our own by now, and we should follow the proper Japanese customs of gift-giving and so on. I was totally with her up until the "gift-giving" part because I just don't get that. I have had problems with it before, and I don't want to be caught in another endless cycle of "This gift is really boring, but here take it," followed by "Thanks for the gift you gave me last week. It was wonderful. Here is a really boring gift for you in return," followed by another "Thank you so much for that gift you gave me. I made this for you. It's not so good, but take it," and so on and so forth. This kind of cycle tends to last forever, and all the while, you are left thinking, "A true friend wouldn't expect gifts from me every time I see her." So, if he wants to give gifts to people, that is fine with me, but I don't want to get involved with that. In any case, the first part of her lecture to Suk had a lot of truth to it even if it was embarrassing for me witness my almost 30-year-old husband getting talked to in that way. I kept my mouth shut.

After a while, Suk changed the subject and showed her the dog magazine. She started talking about whether we should get the dog neutered or not. Of course, she claimed it was unnecessary and that the only reason Japanese people do it is to keep their dog from barking, which would annoy the neighbors. I couldn't help but speak up at this point.

Of course, Suk agreed with her. I told her my reasons for getting a dog neutered or spayed, but I also let her know that I had already decided it. A lively, but not fun, argument incurred between the three of us, with SIL throwing in her two-cents, "Well, you'll be making your dog into a new-half!" Thanks, SIL, that really helps.

The argument finally ended when I told Suk's mom that she has no business giving us advice about such a thing because it something between me and Suk, and because she has never owned a dog. So, there.

Suk didn't like the fact that I yelled at his mom. I didn't like the fact that Suk always takes her side. The mood changed at that point，and of course，it was all my fault for being an opinionated American, and I went back to putting all of my concentration on the Olympics on TV.

Finally, it was time to go home. I stood at the door with my shoes on waiting for Suk to gather his stuff together. She came to door and in her most gracious voice, she said, "Iro iro arigatou gozaimashita," as she bowed deeply.

Could you get any more sarcastic than that?

Birds of a Feather or Something Like That

2006-02-08T11:12:00.000+09:00

Last week, we had yet another family tragedy on my husband's side. I never realized how truly melo-dramatic they are until my SIL announced she was getting married. Now, another tragedy has occurred.

My mother-in-law's pet bird ran away...I mean,it flew away.

We gave her that bird as a birthday present last summer. She had been wanting one ever since their last one died about 10 years ago. It's a yellow cockatiel. She gave it the same name as the last one - Okame-chan, which basically means "Mr. Cockatiel."

Last week, I got a frantic phone call from my husband saying, "I have something really shocking to tell you, are you sitting down?"

I thought, "Oh god, now what?!"

"Okame-chan flew away. He's gone! My mom is so upset about this."

I know that pets are really important to people, and if my (future) dog ever runs away, I will be engulfed in guilt and sadness. However, I couldn't help but feel a little bit "unconcerned" in this situation.

Suk said she felt guilty because we are technically the owners of this bird. I quickly corrected him and reminded him that Okame-chan was, in fact, a gift to her and that she is now the owner. I suggested we buy her another bird, but that this time we should go with the much cheaper model - the $15 kind of bird that can actually learn to talk. (Being that always lament over the fact that Okame-chan will never be able to talk, this seemed like a good solution to me.)

He doesn't like this idea, and since he suffers from a serious case of Oedipus Complex (aka mazakon), he wants to rush out and buy her a new bird exactly like Okame-chan.

Meanwhile, the abrasive sister-in-law's reaction to the whole thing went something like this, "You idiot! You might as well just dive off the balcony and kill yourself."

I do think that is going a bit far, and if I am concerned about anything in this situation, it would have to be Mother-in-Law's psychological state after hearing something so horrible come out of her own daughter's mouth.

Can buying a replacement bird pull her out of this depression?

Shouldn't we tell her to buy it herself, rather than take it out of our own savings? Isn't that what you would do when a child loses his hamster?

I know that option would not go over well with Suk because he is such a Mama's boy. He thinks he should pay her back all the money she spent on his college education. But, that is a story for a another entry though!

Obvious News

2006-02-03T21:18:00.000+09:00

I guess it's obvious, but I changed the template of my blog yesterday. No worries, I just did it because Christine advised me to change it to something that is easier to work with. I wanted to add links to other web sites and to my favorite blogs, but I am not literate in HTML, so I wasn't sure how to do it. Now, with my new template, it will be easier to set up the links in the right column.

Also, isn't this template much easier to read? I think so!

Tomorrow, I am going to Tokyo to hang out with my friend Andrea at her house. We're going to do scrapbooking together. Then, I am heading over to Louise's house where we will also do scrapbooking, followed by dinner out, karaoke and then staying up all night gabbing. Louise has three kids and is a working mom, but we started this tradition last year, so every January, I am supposed to do an overnight at her house on the west side of Tokyo. Suk is not too happy, but he'll have to deal. I know he just misses me like crazy because he doesn't get to hang out with me during the week. That is so not my fault though!

Also, I decided to start calling him Suk (pronounced "sook"). It is short for Yusuke (as in YuSUKe). I began calling him that soon after we got married as a cute little newlywed nickname, but I don't really make it public. I just thought that it would easier when referring to him in my blog and in my scrapbooks because it is better than typing "my husband" every time I want to write about him.

Mande's J-Life Stands for Life in Japan...Get it!?

2006-02-02T14:19:00.000+09:00

Last night, I reluctantly went back to my Japanese school and signed the contract for the next round of 60 lessons. I so did not want to do this, and I definitely did not want to hand over an envelope filled with cash (105,000 yen or $1200) to that receptionist/teacher, whatever she is.

While sitting at the desk waiting for her to count my cash and find out where they keep the change (they have so few students who take classes there, I was surprised they even HAD change!), I happened to notice some free "Take One" magazines sitting there. I picked up a few issues of Metropolis. That's a weird magazine if there ever was one, but it's nice to find out exactly which bands are coming to Japan and then lament over the fact that there is no way I could get tickets for them since A. I don't know how to get tickets and B. it's always too late by the time I find out. Since I enjoy that crummy feeling, I grabbed a few issues just to skim them.

Then, I noticed another magazine with the extremely creative title J-Life. And, I was like, "Hey, they totally copied me!" Here I thought I was being so original in choosing the title of my blog. I chose "Mande" - because that is what my friends, family, husband and anyone who knew me before 2001 call me. Everyone who met me since 2001 calls me "Amanda" because that is how I introduce myself now...yeah, now that I am a grown-up married woman, I thought I should be more formal. Also, I decided the name "Amanda" sounds better with my new last name. So, I thought if anyone were to google my blog (not that people really do this), my friends back home would have an easy time finding me, but people that I have met since 2001, would not. As this blog was originally meant for those old friends back home, I used that logic to use Mande in my title. Although, at this point, I would be happy if anyone was reading this.

Then, I thought, oh, if I put "Japan" in the title, the blog would be TOO easy to find. So, I came up with J-Life on a whim, and I actually assumed that no one had ever thought of that before. Right. By the looks of this magazine cover, they printed their first issue sometime last fall, so they totally DID copy me. As if.

If you are just the least bit curious, you can find this magazine and try reading it. I have not (and probably WILL NOT) read it, but there are contributions and advertisements geared towards people from all sorts of cultures who are now residing in Japan, and they are all written in Japanese with little furigana characters above the kanji. If you didn't understand that last sentence, then you probably need to start by taking Japanese 101 at your local community college.

Bachelorettes III

2006-01-31T21:18:00.000+09:00

I wanted to give an update about my sister-in-law.

Sister-in-law = SIL
We met The boyfriend last Saturday over dinner at the in-law's tiny, cramped 2LK. Hey, they raised two children in this tiny apartment, so perhaps to them, cramming 6 adults in this place is nothing to them.

He is tall and thin, wears glasses and has funny ears. I thought he may have done judo, but he never mentioned it during our conversations. I think he is good-looking, but my husband kept whispering stuff like this to me.

Him: "Look at the top of his head. He's balding."
Me: "I think everyone has a slight thinning at the top of their heads. It's nothing to worry about.

Him: Look at those ears. How weird!
Me: Maybe he practices judo. Or maybe his ears look red because he has been drinking so much.

Yes, in the drinking department, he does hold his own, and that is A LOT when you compare him to my in-laws. I mean, my father-in-law is no drunk. He drinks one glass of beer, feels drunk, starts acting funny and then disappears into his bedroom for the rest of the night. My mother- and sister-in-law like to party, and Yusuke and I can barely keep up with them. The boyfriend was right there, keeping up with them, not a trace of drunkeness - except for the reddened ears.

I call him The boyfriend because I cannot refer to him by name, however, from now on, I will call him "Sensei." This is what my sister-in-law calls him. For anyone who has seen the Karate Kid movies, you would know that "sensei" means teacher or master. We asked why she had nicknamed him "sensei" and like everything is with her, she said, "It's a secret. I can't tell you." So, right away, I imagined that she called him "sensei" because he had taught her the ways of the world...if you know what I mean. Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge.

So, Sensei has been dating my sister-in-law for the past year. They met at a three-week training conference for their company. They work in different departments. He is an executive. From what I can tell, she is more like an administrative assistant to an executive, but of course, she is sworn to secrecy about her job. When she first met him, he told her he was in charge of the Psycho Dept, and she just assumed that he was a teacher of some sort. This might explain why she began to affectionately call him Sensei.

I was eager to know more about Sensei and his relationship with SIL, and since I am the designated Say-it-like-it-is Foreigner of the family, I knew that it was my job to bring a few issues to the table. So, I asked her why the heck she had kept their relationship a secret for so long. And, I went on to tell her that I had been suspecting for a long time. Of course, I got no real answer from her. Just a shy giggle. A shy giggle? From my SIL? She must be in love or something because normally she is a stern (albeit heavy-drinking), serious OKORIPPOI (a person with a bad temper) woman.

After Father-in-law had retired to his room (oh, thank god he's gone. We can really party now!), we sat down and asked Sensei some real questions about his life and their relationship.

I think everyone is a geek about something. (I am a geek about scrapbooking. My husband is a TOTAL geek about movies. Shannon is a geek about reading sci-fi and romance novels.) Sensei is a geek about -get this! - building and riding bicycles. You know how some computer geeks enjoy collecting various parts of old computers and building "new" computers out of them. Well, apparently Sensei likes to do the same with bicycles. This guy is a gem!

Now, for the unfortunate news. There will be no $30,000 wedding spectacle. I would have liked to see SIL in a wedding dress (but I would never say that to her face!), so I am disappointed. Instead, they have invited both sets of parents (little brothers and their foreign wives need not apply) out to lunch and the parents will be asked to sign the papers as witnesses to the marriage. Then, they will go down and add her name to the family registry. This will take place in two weeks. I asked about a ceremony and a party (you would think that with this kind of family, they would at least get together and down a few bottles of sake), and she said they were thinking of having a small ceremony at a temple in Kamakura.

No laser light show. No emcee. No giant fake wedding cake. I am utterly disappointed.

Then, the good news. They are already apartment hunting, and the timing is perfect because we are hoping to get rid of some of our stuff. When I offered them our white leather two-seater sofa, my husband got really annoyed. I guess he wants to keep it for his "man's room". But, that would be a subject for another blog.

After SIL and Sensei left to go back to Tokyo, my husband promptly fell asleep on the couch with the bird (my MIL's pet) perched on his crotch and pecking at his zipper. What a nice photo opp that would have been! Then, I had to wash dishes with MIL, and the whole time she lamented about how dispicable it was that her daughter would be getting married even though she had vowed that she would never marry. How horrible that one's own daughter should fall in love and get married! I assured her that SIL probably didn't mean it when she supposedly "vowed" to never marry. Who does that anyway?

MIL's sadness about the whole thing made me wonder (while wallowing in my own selfishness), will I have to step in as wife of the only son and take care of her in old age? No wonder she is feeling sad! If I were her, I would not want MandeJ taking care of me either!

Catchy Lyrics or Lyrics That You Can't Catch

2006-01-31T12:40:00.000+09:00

A fellow teacher asked us to decode some song lyrics today. As you can imagine, we have a lot of free time these days.

The song is by DefTech, a Japanese band, that like most Japanese bands, seem to enjoy sledgehammering nonsensical English phrases into their verses.

1.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
Your seeds will grow, reap them.

2.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
Your seeds are weeping.

3.
DefTech Micro & Shen heed it
You will know it.

Well, anyway, what the hell does that mean? I like version #1 becomes it seems almost biblical.

Bachelorettes II

2006-01-28T08:50:00.000+09:00

The other day, I wrote about my poor, poor Japanese girlfriends who are still single. I count my sister-in-law to be part of this group...but, not anymore!

Last night, my mother-in-law called me up (actually, she wanted to talk to my husband but she couldn't get a hold of him), and she told me this story.

My mother-in-law went to the hospital in Tokyo for some routine tests and her daughter (age 32 and perpetually single, but very beautiful and with an attitude) showed up to keep her company at the hospital. While there, she informed her mother that she would be visiting her this weekend and that she was planning to bring her boyfriend with her. This was the first anyone had heard of the existance of a boyfriend.

Not only that, but they have been dating for a whole year and they are planning to get married. So, she just wants to introduce him to us before they go through the formality of seeking permission from their company. They both work for a very strict company and apparently, they need permission to do this!

Anyway, my mother-in-law told her that she was against the whole thing, but I think she is just upset that she was never told her daughter was even dating someone.

Actually, my husband and I suspected that something was up for a quite a long time. She lives in Tokyo by herself, and she used to come home to our town almost every weekend. Last summer, she stopped coming so frequently, and then last fall, we didn't see her at all! Whenever we asked her about it (I was always made to ask the questions like "So, whose this mysterious guy you're seeing? What's his name? What, there is not one person you are even slightly interested in? Not even a flirtation? Oh, come on! I don't believe it," and so on), but she would never give anything away. So, even though we suspected, we were unable to get anything out of her.

In my view, this is just another example of Japanese culture. You date, but you don't tell, especially the family, until it is really serious and you plan to get married. I am not surprised about her, but I am surprised that my husband and his family are so shocked.

In our case, my mother-in-law saw it coming. For the six months before my husband and I got engaged, we were sending packages and letters back and forth through the mail, talking on the phone every week, and since he still lived at home, his mom was clued into everything. Then, he went and visited me in the USA for two weeks at Christmas, so they all figured he was planning to propose. When he came back to Japan and sat them all down to tell them the big news, his mom kind of stole his thunder when she said, "Oh that, yeah, we knew you were gonna do that. That's nice. Another drink, anyone?"

Never Would Have Thought It

2006-01-27T14:00:00.000+09:00

You Are a Sarariiman!

Or "salaryman." Whatever. Treadmill off, treadmill on.
Most of the sleep you get is on Tokyo's extensive subway system, since you are putting in 14 hour days.
You're a workaholic who works hard for no overtime. And vacations? Forget about it.
You spend most of your trip hunting around for gifts to bring back all of your coworkers.

What's Your Japanese Subculture?

Bachelorettes

2006-01-26T22:33:00.000+09:00

Why is it that many of my Japanese girlfriends are still single?

Okay, when I wrote "many", what I meant was "the six women that I happen to be friends with."

Not a boyfriend in sight. No dates. Not even a flirtation.

I have heard that Japanese men are so shy, or that they portray themselves as being shy so as to not appear "needy." And, if these women don't pursue the man strongly, by say, hitting him on the head with a big club and then dragging him back to the cave, perhaps he will just never get the hint.

I have heard Christine's stories. And, I suppose there are other foreign wives who were very aggressive with their Japanese men.

I, myself, had never pursued anyone so strongly before I met Yusuke and since I have known him. I was unstoppable.

I remember this one time...we were in high school and I stayed after to visit him when his club activity finished at 6pm. Then, we hung out in the equipment room together until we absolutely had to leave the school. Finally, he went and got his bike and walked me to the bus station. I still didn't know for sure whether he liked me or not, but even though his friend was walking with us, I put my hand over his hand which was resting on his bike seat as we walked to the bus stop. He didn't acknowledge, but he didn't move his hand away. I never mentioned it to him until two weeks ago, but I figured he would have no memory of it. He just started giggling like a little boy. Of course he remembered!

Back to my Japanese girlfriends. I want to fix them up, but I only know a few foreign guys, most of whom are off limits for one reason or another. I wish I knew some nice, decent Japanese guys, but most of the ones I know are married with kids. Is it just that women outnumber men, or is that men are super picky?